I wanna sleep and not wake up for a few months.

Today was pretty good. I actually didn't think I'd get to see you today, you know, considering you said I couldn't come over. I love how I show up anyways. I actually was gonna leave if no one saw me distressed standing outside, lol. Hella creeper of me. I'm afraid to ring the doorbell. Folded clothes, sorted recyclables, ate. It was lovely. =) I got three new pairs of pants today! And a jacket! I kinda don't like the jacket though.. It was originally $70 and we got it for $25. Yay for sales. Zumiez will forever be the only place I can buy pants. The fit is great. The length though.. it's workable. All the jeans were $20 if you bought two or more so I bought three. =) Only two fit though. Now I'm home, and I need to do two essays tonight. =/

Actually, seeing you today was hard for me. It really made me sad and I have no idea why. I just felt like all my insides dropped. I was super out of it or something. Don't get me wrong I loved spending time with you and I had fun but something was off for me. Just thinking about it, whatever it is, makes me sad. Idk why I'm sad or what's wrong but there's something. I think emotionally I've just checked out. Not in the sense that I want to end things but in the way that I just feel like I can't fight with you anymore. I guess I just want some attention. Just a moment where it's just us, no phone or nothing like that and I know forsure that I'm the only person you're thinking about. I think that's all I've wanted all along. Just recognition. I know you're busy with your own life right now but just the three second text that's like "Oh hi. Haven't talked to you in awhile. Just wanted to say hi I'll talk to you when I'm not busy." or just a call to see how I'm doing. Or a hug. Something that validates that I mean something. Reassurance. Yeah! That's the word I'm looking for. Just a little reasurance here and there. But then again you're not obligated to do none of that so I guess what I get now is okay.

I want to nap before I do any homework. I think I might. My eyes are staring to water. I wanna nap till 9ish but I need to take my medicine at 7pm.. I already took mine two hours late yesterday. Ughh.