Hey God, can you hear me?

Hey God,
I know I'm not the best person in the world but I really don't ask for much. I pray every day of my life before I go to bed and I always end my prayers with "And please let everything get better." Things have only gotten worse. I've always felt like I don't fit in anywhere. And right now, I'm feelin that really bad. I feel really alone. I feel like I've lost everybody. I feel like I've lost my friends, I've lost my family, I've lost Nick - I feel abandoned, not good enough. I honestly believe in my heart that I'm a good person. I know I make bad decisions and mistakes but I don't think I deserved a life like that. Maybe someone stronger than I am would be able to handle all of this, but I really can't. I just want to give up. I wanna throw in the towel and be like "Life, you win. I don't wanna fight anymore." I struggle everyday to get myself to believe that things in my life will get better, but they don't. Why would you give me a family that treated me like I'm a selfish, no good kid who doesn't care about anyone else but herself? Why would you give me friends that don't include me in anything? Why would you separate my bestfriends and I? Why would you give me depression? Why would you give me someone who I ended up loving more than anything in the world, only for him to mistreat me for over a year of my life, and make it almost impossible for me to leave? Why would you make every day feel like the world is racing a million miles a minute around me but I'm moving in slow motion? Why doesn't anyone understand? I just want someone who'll listen, who'll be there for me. I forgot what that feels like. Or I've never known what that feels like. Right now, you just dealt me the biggest blow to the heart. I knew it was coming, but I was hoping it didn't have to end like that. But it is what it is, huh? I'm praying really hard right now that you'll listen and give me the strength to make it. "If you're going through Hell, keep going." I'm really trying but I feel like there's no more strength left in me. You're the only person that really knows what's going on in my life. I don't tell anyone anything anymore. I don't wanna bother them with the inconveniences in my life; they're all too happy. I try to tell myself everything will be okay but I've lost faith. I don't know what I did to deserve to feel so miserable. I know I can make it through all this, but I just need the strength to believe that. I don't believe I can make it, but I know I can. If that even makes any sense.. I guess all I'm asking for is for you to give me some sort of sign that you're there for me. You're all I've got left and I'm begging you to help me out. I've never resorted to actually talking to you before but this is my last resort. Just please help me get through to the other side, even if I come out alone still. At least I'd have a newfound belief in myself. I know I'm strong, just please give me the strength to do this. Please.. I have no one else to turn to. Please let something, anything happen.. Let something good happen, or just shoot me dead because I really can't handle this anymore.. And I don't have a reason to handle it anymore.. Amen. <3

Love,
Rikk