I swear.. No matter how bad I fuck up and the stupid mistakes I make (in a day at that) I got the BEST HUBBA IN THE WHOLE ENTIRE WORLD. I really need to shape up. I have to make this work. <3 I love you, ugly. =)

Okay okay, I'm not gonna lie - it feels good to have my baby back.

MY NEW PET TURTLE NAMED ELVIS.

Before: Switching numbers, asking if yes or no to unlimited texting. Adding eachother on Facebook, following eachother on Twitter and Tumblr. Giving eachother butterflies. Collecting as much memories as you can, collecting them in your mind like your skull is some type of jar or some shit. Making sure you won’t let them fly out. Closing it up tightly, make sure you’ll be able to find it once you glare at it. Spending as much time together, because missing eachother hurts so much. Saying “I love you” like the other person can’t understand what “I love you” is. Repeating it like they’re some stupid kid who can’t hear you. Texting, calling, Twittering, Facebooking, Tumblrn, and IM’ing like you both are 3074304 miles away. Introducing eachother to eachother’s homeboys and homegirls, sharing friends, having mutual friends. Buying eachother stuff that’ll remind eachother of eachother. Wishing eachother a happy anniversary every month, or years. Taking care of eachother like y’all some kind of nurse. Waking eachother for school, being eachother’s alarm clocks. Sharing clothes like you can’t afford your own. Driving to places to have cute dates like you get gas for free. Fucking like there’s no tomorrow.

After: Deleting eachother’s numbers, making sure you won’t be able to leave them an “I miss you” text message. Because it’ll make you feel desperate, or like you’re still in love with them, or it’ll make you look small, or no pride, or whatever. Unfollowing eachother on everything. Deleting eachother on Facebook, making sure you won’t be able to check their profile.. Because if another girl replaces your spot, you’ll feel sad and insecure like they’re better or whatever. Trying to forget as much memories, making sure to not go to the places y’all went to, and if you ever do.. You end up finding yourself reminiscing. Then breaking down about everything, wishing things didn’t have to end up the way it did. How things would’ve been better if he/she was there right next to you to hold you as you cry to tell you, “It’s fine, everything will be fine.” Giving back all the things they’ve got for you, burning all the love letters, putting them all in a box. Then now, you have to set your real alarm clock. No energy to do anything, especially school. Because you’re scared you’re gonna see him and end up tearing up, then everyone’s gonna ask you what’s wrong. This and that. Which you don’t wanna deal with. Telling your close friends to not mention their name, because you’ll miss them. La la la.

Then another person comes, same shit happens again. Anything new? Can we like.. Give eachother hopes and like.. I don’t know, trynna make “forever” exist? Or something. Don’t you guys get tired of the same routines? We need something new.

Wore the world's most annoying dress today. Number 1, Obey size Xsmall is hella baggy on me and number 2 the damn thing was hella short and kept riding up. I spent half my day pulling it down. School was boring, econ quiz was moved to tomorrow. Still lightweight nervous about it. I might study for it after I finish this college shit. After school I took a nap till Dyl had karate. Met up with "Gay Magnet" at work and we chilled in the conference room and did homework while my brother was at karate. I gave Kuya A my yam fries. He's like the uncle I never had, haha. I saw Kuya Jerv! He drew a rice cooker on my arm yesterday because he was jealous JR wrote his name on my shoulder. These boys.. Haha. Kuya Jerv is like my big brother. I labs him so much. On the way home Chrissypoo texted me saying he got his car back. YAAY! =) We're supposed to kick it next week since we're both hella busy this week. He misses our car rides. ;) I'm hecka looking forward. I miss him. He's a firefighter in training, yuum. And he's Asian! Haha. Doing this college shit it taking foreeevs.. I need to hop on it. And I need to finish those genetics problems for bio. Ay yi yi..

My other package came in the mail today! My jeans are not the color I anticipated but they're arrite. Work was relatively slow. Went on break with Williamo, Bading, and Rodman at the Pho place. They give bigass bowls. x__x Haha. Rodman and I were having a language barrier but it was still hella funny trying to talk to him. Went back to work to drop off my leftovers for Emilio. JR went on break so when I got there so we went to Valerios to buy bread then we just sat on the benches with Bading and Rodman. "I'm gonna tell your Mom JR is your boyfriend. "Well I am cute.." "....." Haha. I was gonna go to Arjay's apartment with them to drink for his birthday but nahh.. I kinda wanted to but I 'hi-hiya." Idk if I spelt that right but lol. I miss my fucken Bffs duude. When I got there we're having a fucken feast, my treat. I'm super tired but I still have things to accomplish so toodles.

JR finally gave me back my bracelet. And jailbroke my phone. Yaay! I was really excited to go to work yesterday. Work is such a relief for me. I kinda hope it rains today. So I ordered a jacket, shirt, and shoes off Karmaloop and I noticed it was taking hella longer to receive a shipment confirmation so I read the first email they send me and I typed in the wrong shipping address like a retard... So I called and they said they'll try and fix it for me. My other package came in the mail though! I bought a tank top, jeans, dress, and my brand's favorite type of t-shirts - Alternative Apparel burnout tees. I have 4. They're hella worth the money. I want these Jeffery Campbell rainboots cos I have a giftcard that'll cover most of the cost but idk.. We'll see. Work in a few hours, blaaat.. I'm bouta hop in the shower then get my day started.

This guy just won't give up.. I don't wanna talk to you or have anything to do with you. How I'm doing has nothing to do with you. If I wanted you to know how I'm doing I'd tell you. Don't text me, don't call me. I'm not even gonna give you the explanation why because you're not worth my time. Give it up, you're not my friend, you're never gonna be my friend. Go on with your life broski cos I'm doin good without you.

I'm not gonna lie, I still miss you from time to time. I still think about you from time to time. There are times when I get lonely and remember the times we'd just lay and bed together. I miss holding your hand and what your skin felt like. I miss a lot of things. But I remember how wrong you did me and I remember why I cut you out of my life after you left me. I'll admit that sometimes it's hard, especially the days I get lonely and you cross my mind, but it gets easier every day.

Exactly what I've learned from the past two years of my life.

“Won’t catch her up in the club cause she aint into that
Kind of chick that rather rent a flick and get intimate
Say she never fuck with thug niggas, only gentlemen
And yeah that ass is fat but what’s better is her intellect
Other men sweat her when we walk past
Can’t even blame em, I did the same when I saw that ass
Match with the thin waist, brown with a slim face
Love the conversation and the kicks was like a sensai
Now she got me chillin with her all around the clock”

Idk why this guy really texted me.. Lol. He said I hated him; I don't. I just don't wanna have anything to do with him. I don't want him in my life, idk what part of that he doesn't get. I don't benefit from being friends with him so I'm not gonna go there. I've made it this for happy, without him. There's no reason we need to be "friends." Why does he still even have my number? I'm never going to talk to him again so he can just delete it and forget we even talked for dumbass long. I don't want to remember what we had, ever. You do what you do, but it sure won't have nothing to do with him. Just do me a favor and please leave me alone. I'm not going to go out of my way to even text back and explain for the 100th time why I don't want you in my life because it's not worth my time, you're not worth my time. Just leave me the fuck alone.

I gotta keep reminding myself to stay on top of my academic shit. I started my EOP application today. I need to get recommendations from Caldera, Cava, De La Rosa, and Mac. I wanna ask Maestas too so I'll probably email her and ask her if she can. I made some head way on cleaning my room. I hung up most of my going out clothes. All I have left to do is sort the dirty clothes to be washed and clothes I'm donating. I have soo many clothes I'm giving away/selling/donating.

Yesterday it was dead after the lunch rush so all of us ended up breaking at pretty much the same time and I was super tired so I took a nap on the chairs in the conference room and when I woke up I found a blanket (a jacket, but hey lol) and hot cocoa waiting for me. I seriously have the best co-workers ever. They even walked to get me a taco in the rain because I didn't wanna go myself because it was fucken freezing. They seriously make work worthwhile. I don't think I'd like my job as much as I do if it wasn't for my awesome coworkers.

I have a bad headache. I've had it since I woke up from my nap. I think I'll just watch Bad Girls Club reruns till I KO.

I fucken hate when my Mom is in one of her "moods." She takes it out on me and Dyl and just wants the whole fucken world to be miserable with her. It's fucken childish. You're a grown ass MOTHER. I understand that people get mad and stressed or whatever the fuck her problem is but to verbally abuse your children is fucken uncalled for. I'm pretty sure it's because she's "tired" and she had to pick me up from work. Well bitch, if you're so tired then instead of staying up to play videogames like you are, get your ass to bed. Sounds reasonable. JR won't give me back my bracelet. =( It looks better on him which is sad cos it's a girls bracelet... Haha. He said everyone told him it's cute. Well doesn't that make you feel like a fucken bading? Haha. Today was pretty dead. The afternoon up until around 2:00ish was hella fucken busy, then the rest of the day was beeeyond dead. This school week is gonna be hella busy; I've gotten manage my time very well to stay on top of things. Speaking of it, I'm gonna go to bed now.

William's nephew ate at the resturant with his family yesterday and ooooo weee was he fucken SEXY. I kept telling William I thought he was hella cute, haha. We kept smiling at each other like faggets, haha. I'd holla but... HE'S SO SHORT. HE'S LIKE 5'0 NO JOKE. I TOWER OVER THIS NIGGA, LOL. So sad.. But anyways, today I was bar. I had fun...but not cleaning. JR wore my Little Mermaid bracelet all day like a bading. It's gold and teal with a diamond crown, shell, and a picture of Ariel...and he wore it. Haha. My AA skirt and sweater came in the mail today. Yippie! Kuya Jake came here from the Philippines today so we all chilled at the house after I got off work and we fucken feasted! I think I'm gonna finish cleaning my room then sleep because I'm exhausted..

Today was good! Got out at 11:45 then went to La Milpa with Elaine and David to do some much needed catching up with my friends. I love hanging out with them together. They're not all flirty and make you feel third wheel. David and I actually have conversations. We went to Yogurtland after too. It was really nice to spend time with good company for the first time in foreever. I still have a D in bio. (It was so close to a C- but he didn't grade my carb lab and he didn't give me credit for the photosynthesis poster "cos it wasn't in the box) but I'm really trying to bring it up to at least a C before the semester ends. The unit 3 test was today but I don't think I did good. Shocking, -_- Lol. I'm really trying though.. Anywhoo. I'm pleasantly plump so I'm gonna watch Snapped then do my Interactive Reader. Toodles!

I haven't had the time to blog in days. I've been super swamped with school and work that when I have the chance to blog I'm just too tired. Nothing much has happened in the past few days. I really wanna buy a lomography camera (the Fuji white 7s or whatever to be exact *oxymoron, lol) but the film is soo expensive. It costs more than the fucken camera does. So instead I went online shopping for myself, haha. Twas nice to buy myself something for once (BECAUSE NO MORE NICK, YIPPIE!) I don't work on Mondays anymore though.. =( I'm sad. They cut everyone's hours. I really want more money, which would mean a second job, which my family wouldn't let me do. -_- I need to apply for college too! Ugh. I'm herra lagging. Thankfully I applied for the November SATs though! We had a meeting at work today and my Mom wouldn't pick me up and my grandparents aren't talking to me so I had to ask JR to drive me home. But my dumbass didn't house my apartment key so I had to sleep at my Grandparent's house.. Awkward. I'm waiting for them to sleep so I don't have to pass their open door to get to my room but they're wideass awake. Smh.. Anywhoo.. I might just fall asleep on the floor here, ugh.

Happy girl all by myself. It feels kinda nice. =) You really did do me a favor. Chillen at work on my day off since my brother has karate practice, Quickly in hand staring at my eye candy. LIFE IS GOOD! Plus, no homework (minus college apps).

It's so cold. =( At least my chair is hella comfy. I'm on break at the coffee shop. I finished my cellular respiration poster. There's a big ass chocolate circle stain on it thanks to Ace who put my drink on the paper.. He put ice cream and sprinkles in my coffee! ^_^ It didn't taste very good together but it was sweet, haha. I don't wanna go home cos I have the Econ study guide and personal statement rewrite to do. Bwaah.. Almost time to go back. Bye bye.. =(

I'll be completely honest, it feels like someone chewed out a piece of my heart. But it's okay. I'm gonna do me. Go to school, work (I'm never missing a day of work for a nigga again cos they don't pay for shit) and I'm gonna end up with someone better. I told him to get the fuck out of my life. A part of me hates him so much but the rest is so in love with him. But fuck that part. I never wanna speak to him again or ever see his face. I'll bump into him eventually I know, but I'll just walk past him like he doesn't exist. I wasted my two fucken years of my life. I'm just over this. I shoulda listened to everyone from the get go.