It's hard to wanna do this sometimes. I get all sad and upset because, like always, I feel the person I've given everything to just won't ever shape up. Everytime I catch you doing stuff behind my back it gets harder and harder to trust you, to love you, and to even wanna keep doing this. I can't keep letting things slide like this. I'll be honest, I didn't even wanna let you keep the 13s or give you money for the 11s because I don't wanna give you things you want and that make you happy when you're doing all this shit behind my back and when I find out I'm heartbroken and upset. You get you fucken panties in a twist when I tell you I don't trust you but so you don't realize you bring all of this upon yourself? I wanna trust you and I wanna be happy but it's hard when you play me like a fucken fool. Telling girls they're your wifey and they've given you the best sex and how you miss cuddling with them and you want them to come over at 11:45 at night. Reading that shit makes me wanna vomit and I'm seriously heartbroken. I can't keep letting you do me like that to me and pretend like I'm okay with it. I'm not. I'm not okay with it. It's hard to always put stuff behind me when you're gonna do it to mw again, especially when you say you're gonna stop but I catch you again. I always catch you, and after two years of someone constantly doing this to you and convincing you they're gonna stop when they won't.. It makes you lose faith in the whole thing. It's hard not to resent someone who does these things to you. I've done all I can think of to get you to stop and just wanna be with me but it doesn't work. Maybe because I'm not good enough or whatever, but I can't get you to quit. It sucks because it makes me feel like there's something wrong with me, like I'm not pretty enough or I'm not good at this or at that. Well damn, I'm sorry then. Maybe if I can't make you feel like I'm wifey or I'm good or sex or whatever other superficial stupid shit I'm so terrible at then leave. I'm tired of always feeling like I'm second best. How is this ever gonna work if you always break my trust and you're always doing something with God knows how many other girls? I can't take it anymore. I hate feeling fucken stupid.