I guess you could say I don't really believe that you care about me. I just don't believe you could care about me, considering the way you've made me feel in the past. Why don't I hit you up? Because I'm scared. I'm scared I'll text you or call you when you're talking to another one of your females and I try to stay as ignorant to the fact you have other females as I can. It makes me sick to my stomach thinking about it. When you're on your phone when I'm around you I just assume you're talking to one of them; you've done it many times before, not like you wouldn't do it again. I pretty much don't believe anything you say. Not that you miss me, not that you care about me, not that I look nice, not that you wouldn't abandon me, none of that. I have no reason to. I feel like I'm around when it's convenient for you. I'm "babe" when you need something from me, but other than that I'm whatever to you. It's like I'm around for your entertainment and because you know you got me and when you finally find the person you really care about from the heart it's gonna be "bye bye Rikki." When have you ever said you cared about me? When you're drunk... Always. Oh, that one time on your birthday when you said you should start treating me better, how you don't know what you'd do without me and how you thank God everyday you have me - how come I don't see that? That's what I mean by you need to prove to me I matter. I'm not asking you to go above and beyond for me, I'm just asking you to put in a little effort. I'm tired of telling you I'm tired of you not putting any effort in and getting the same excuses or the same redundant arguement. Ugh. You know fear has been my biggest thing when it comes to us. It could be me being scared of you getting hurt, or leaving me, or you getting mad at how I feel, whatever. I don't think I've ever been that scared of losing anyone ever. I shouldn't have to be fearful that you'll leave if I wanna just TALK. I don't know if you really don't believe me when I tell you how much you matter to me and how much I do love you or if you're just saying that but if I didn't I would NOT be putting myself through what we've been through just because I "like" you. Not worth it. But obviously you mean so much more to me if I'm here. You just expect me to believe everything you say or something. You know why everything you say is a damn lie to me? Because it is. It's been. Since day one I told you don't lie to me. But you continuously lied to me so when you actually start telling me the truth I just automatically don't believe you. That's how it is with everything you do. I honestly believe that when you're not talking to me you're off with someone else or you're talking to someone else so I don't call you because I don't wanna deal with alla that. Shit, you'll be texting a girl with me on the phone. You've done it with me at the goddamn table and this was just...a month ago. So how can I believe that I all of a sudden am this huge part of you? I don't. Yeah, you don't need to buy me shit or any of that. Yeah, you're right all I do need is your love, time, and devotion. But I don't get that so... I'm loving you the best way I can; but I'm not gonna do this anymore unless you're forreal with me. I'm tired of this being the 4,000th time I've said that but seriously. It gets draining competing with 6 different girls.