I seriously can't depend on Nick for anything. But I'm not surprised.

Do you know why I always forgive you for how you treat me? Because you never do any different. Being treated like crap is pretty normal.

This week has gone by pretty fast. I think I did pretty well on the essay part of the bio test today. Now tomorrow is the multiple choice. I'm up tryna finish 4 chapters of objectives, then straighten my hair, then study. It's gonna be a loong night. I cleaned out my bag today and it yacked Hello Kitty on my bed, haha. Went to Target w/ Moms and Dyl today. I can't wait to move and shop for furniture! It's soo close. I'm actually kinda excited for my birthday this year. I know it's herra far away but idk. I really should never procrastinate on objectives. There is soo many. Cuddles passed today. =( I'm kinda bummed too. She was my favorite dog. Okay, no more procastinating. Must do bio.

I need to study for the unit test for bio...like now. I need to do 3 chapters worth of objectives (that's over 100 questions) and read 9 chapters and know them by Friday. Uh, yeah. Not hannin. Other than that.. Mommsy bought me clothes and stuff from F21. Retail therapy! Both my Karmaloop packages shipped too! I'm too happy right now. Toodles.. =)

Work this weekend was loverrly as usual! I'm really sad Junard is getting suspended though because I'm gonna miss him. They're sending him back to El Camino. I lightweight feel guilty for telling Ate Lala everything but she's my boss and my loyalty is to the company, not to the employees. I need to talk to her about transferring to El Camino though.. I wanna just carpool with Hans and them during the weekends so I can still work in Milpitas. I don't wanna leave; plus El Camino is herra boring. Hans was all "Oh. You'll be closer to me! We can kick it." Oh Hansy, haha. He's mad at me cos I won't tellh him my secret. -_- Haha. Anywhoo! It's like.. 76ish more days till I graduate! I lost count but it's around there. I did some much needed retail therapy today. Yoga pant/legging things, tank top, jacket, cargo pants, and flats. Yuus! And my Mom said she's buy me $100 worth of stuff since she did for my brother and I already have two shirts, boots, and a bag picked out. Life's great right now. ^_^ After Florida though I need to start saving.. Oh well! One last purchase from UO and I SWEAR I'm done!!

I'm pooped.

I've been so busy lately! It doesn't even feel like I've got anymore stuff to do than normal. But I guess it's good. Makes time go by faster. Or do I want it to? Hm.

Story of my fucken life.

Whoo Whoo! Yesterday was good. =) I saw my love. He was in some sort of funk yesterday but it was nice to see him none the less. =) We had Red Lobster and it was great! Their biscuits were to die for... I wish I took one. My mansy is the greatest. <3 Now I have bitchass school. Only 79 more days.

I love my mansy.. He's the greatest mansy ever and I have to start being a little less bitchy and annoying. ^_^

Recap on the past few days:

Took my placement test yesterday. It was a nice day in Sf; I was surprised. The test wad alright. The geometry was killer. =( The people there already annoyed me, or at least the white bitches in front of me. -_-

Work has completely been stressing me out. I'm really sad April quit. We went to Tap Ex to talk about everything that's going on at work. She warned me and everything. I was texting Hans about it and was no help so I called JR who was cutting someone's hair and was also noo help. I texted him this morning cos I was super dreading to go to work so he took me to breakfast at Panera. He didnt even start till 1:00pm and I start at 11:00 so I felt hella bad but he showed up. He also deposited my check...THAT ISN'T EVEN GONNA CLEAR UNTIL TUESDAY. But he did it for me anyways so I won't complain. My check was $11 less this time.. Idk why.. It kinda sucks that it feels like I can more attention from someone else rather than the person I want it from. =|

Rikki, you gotta know when enough is enough.

83 days and I'm out this bitch. I take my placement test this Friday and I'm excited not because I have to take a 3 hour math test, but because I'll be on the campus. Too bad their school hasn't started yet and there won't be any pretty boys on campus. =( Lol. It's fucken cold and I could really go for some hot chocolate from Coffee Adventure. I think since I have no homework tomorrow I'll curl up with some French bread and tea and watch I Love You, Man in my jammies. Err.. I have that stupidass gov study guide..but that's easy. I'm here playing with Miggsy and I couldn't ask for anyone better to spend my time with. This kiddo is my heart. He came to visit me at work on Saturday. =) He's finally starting to talk. I really wanna buy the Uggs I found online for cheap! But I have nooo money in my account right now. Gay.. Smh. This dude needs to text me back asap. I need help.

I have the worst headache eveeer right now. I need to finish most of the bio homework, have a snack, then start doing my hair. This week is gonna be soo stressful for me because I only have 3 days to develop and print for photo. The lab is only open to photo 2 students which I think is really retarded but whatevs. I'm texting Bridgey right now! I miss her oh so much. We were bfffs. I hecka wanted to go shopping +start saving for college but Nick needs one last thing before I can do that.. I honestly don't know how much I wanna do this for him because he doesn't deserve it. We'll talk later if he calls me. Anywhoo, I'm gonna do homework.

I'm home, with cramps and bloat with my also sick brother. I don't have school today or Friday which I like but I have hella catch up to do and I hate missing school. Idk what I'm gonna do about my photo project duuude. I'll be missing TWO days of open lab. Fucken A. I'll probably turn crap in then do a regrade if I don't have time.

Work was bueno yesterday. The past two days of work went by pretty fast. Kuya Jerv isn't coming to Milpitas anymore. =( Neither is William I don't think. WHICH IS OKAY WITH ME! Haha. Ate Lala said when I move to Sf she wants me to work at the Max's there. I'll miss Milpitas though.. Kk, I gotta do this government essay. -_-

If you don't want to show me you deserve to be around, then I will treat you like you don't need to be around.

Trust.

Going out tonight to make things a little bit easier to deal with. ;) First though, a nap!

It's not that I'm happy your gone, by no means do I want you gone from my life. The thing is this: it's a relief to know I'm not gonna fight with someone all day, cry myself to sleep, be disrespected, lied to, and degreated. It felt so good knowing I wasn't gonna be on edge and second best to some dumb whore anymore. It's not like I don't love you and I don't want you in my life but there's only so much misery and hurt a person can take till they gotta take care of themselves (because you obviously don't). I always try and try and try to see things from your perspective and just be happy with what you're doing but I'm not going to settle or change my standards just to get a man. Nooo way. There's gonna be someone out there who is more than happy to make me happy.

Relationships are a two way street. One person can't always have things their way. I feel like I give a mile when you aren't willing to do the same for me. Relationships are a give and take, reciprocal. It make not be an immediate return but over all that's just how things should feel.

I have needs. I'm sorry I'm not like every other girl and are fine with getting no type of affection at all, but that's not me. I crave to be touched and the contact. I don't need that shit in public but when it's just the two of us, I need it. I want to be told "I love you" but someone who actually means it..

I don't really have much else to say.

I finally bought it!

There is so much stuff on Karmaloop I want but I don't have any money in my account to buy anything, haha. I need to deposit my cash but I'll do that when I get my paycheck next Saturday. I can't wait to go shopppang! ^_^ I only have $20 left in my account but you know what?! THAT'S OKAY. Cos I got my ring. =)

And the end I was talking about earlier? It came a little faster than I'd expected. But on the bright side, at least I won't have someone disrespecting me every single day of my life anymore? =|

God, why do you give me such terrible relationships that end in disaster and heartache knowing how much people mean to me? Thanks a lot. Pfft..

Aint that just a muthafucken convenience that every single time I call you just so happen to not be by the phone? You're lucky, especially becos I have a fucken mouth full to say to you.

I never wanna be in another relationship ever again in my life. I'm so young and I hate them, and men (and I use that term quite loosely), already. Why spend your life, time, love, and most importantly money, on some douche who's gonna treat you like crap? I always chose love over money and always thought love was more important; it's not.

I can't think of any reason why our relationship would work. Now that you're gonna be going to school and getting a job you won't have time to see me at all, and when you do get free time you won't wanna spend it driving all the why to see me (not that you even seem like you enjoy yourself around me or wanna spend time with me); you'll wanna relax and spend it with other people. Another thing is you'll be meeting so many new people and eventually you're gonna find someone to replace me with. You don't love me or find me all that amazing that you'd still talk to me so I don't expect it to last much longer. This sucks, but oh well.


I've pretty much just prepared myself with the worst so I'm not trying to get you to make me happy or see how upset I am becos it's a waste. I'm sick of being so sad.

I don't know why I fall for it every time. I know how I feel but for some reason you get me to think otherwise and I stick around. You get me to think what I feel is wrong and shit (again, can't even respect my thoughts).



I also don't know why I ever call when you never answer. There's also an excuse for that tkk. Pfft..

Omggg, I found a site that sells Uggs for cheap. I wish I had the money. x__x I'm wide awake, this sucks. Hans won't leave me alone about his stalker either. I called her for you and told her to fuck off and I said I wasn't mad anymore; what more do you want?! Smh.

It's really hard to see why leaving Nick is in my benefit but I know it has to be. It's a new year and I'm not gonna let myself be stuck on one person who treats me like shit rather than move on and eventually find the person that's gonna keep it solid and do me right. It's a new year and I can't let it go on anymore.

Work is my only escape

For now at least. I can't even describe how much I love my job and I love my coworkers. They always know how to make me smile and feel better no matter what the problem is. They really are the only people who haven't let me down yet. I wish I could stay inside Max's the rest of my life.

Idk why I got stuck with such shitty relationships in my life. Like wtf did I do so bad when I was young to get stuck with such crappy relationships. It's not even the people that are crappy it's just our relationship that is. That's why everytime I fight with someone whether it be friends, family, or a guy I don't even see the point in trying to work things out anymore because it's not like they do anything for me. I'm always wrong too. I don't even want anyone in my life anymore. It's too messy and everything ends up being all my fault somehow so why would I constantly wanna get blamed for shit? I don't ask for much and I feel like people just love letting me down. I hate even telling people what's wrong because even though they ask they don't wanna hear what I have to say. Why bother asking? No one gives a crap about Rikki so I'm done. I can't fucken deal with people anymore. It's too much drama and a waste of my time. I hate feeling like I try and try but I'm not meant to be stuck with the people that've come into my life and that I care about so much. They don't give a crap anyways. I'm done.





I wish I could do some retail therapy to temporarily make me feel better. But oh wait, I spent all my money on an ungrearful jackass who has no respect for me or my feelings. Way to go Rikki.