Work was coo. It was pretty busy in the morning/afternoon. I missed everyone! Emmy wasn't at work today though, that bitch. I'll see him in the morning though. I wore make-up to work today, like I've been the past few weekends, and everyone was going crazy. "You look so pretty!" etc etc, "Especially without your glasses." That's flattering but I want someone to think I'm pretty without make-up on. I barely wear any! Foundation or a tinter moisturizer, mascara, usually eye liner, and lipstick. Sometimes I contour and highlight but it's not like I use hella. But I do look pretty different. It was soo funny! Me and Justin went to In-N-Out on break and the cashier dude was being hella friendly and shit to me but I was all whatever, I was pretty sure he was tryna flirt but he was kinda..not nerdy but idk what else to call him. But he hella kept talking to me when I was waiting for my food and whatever. Then when we sat he kept coming in my direction finding something to do then he disappeared for awhile then came back and was all "You guys want stickers?" so we were like "Sure.." and mine said "Back" on the front so I flipped it over and it was his number. LOLOL. Omg. Ever since I did my hair I get more attention. It's funny. I'm flattered but I'm not looking for anyone. I'm done with dudes. It's fun to flirt and shit but I don't take guys seriously anymore. No guy, especially the good lookin ones!!, want a relationship and when they are in one they still fuck with girls on the under anyways so what's the point of being in one? I'll be forever alone! Lol. But as long as I'm not getting hurt by anyone then is all good. The attention is nice doe! ^_^ Hehe. I'm happy being a lonely girl. ^_^ ^_^ ^_^

Nick is trying to be...friends? Lol.. Idk man, idk. I don't know how I feel about this! I still love him to death and wish him nothing but the best, absolutely no hard feelings, but we can't be friends right now. Maybe in the future but not right now. It was nice to talk to him and hear his voice. It brought a smile to my face but is it still the "I'm in love with you" smile or is it like the "distant friends reconnecting" smile? I'm not really sure what's going on and I really don't care? It's not a pressing matter to me and it's not really on my mind so it's whatevs. It's not that I don't care but then again I don't care. It's complicated to explain so whatever, lol. The two years we did our thing really taught me a lot, after the fact. I was really blind to a lot while we were talking and if there was any hope of us really working things out and being in a happy healthy relationship we needed to be apart. I looked back on stuff and I really realized a lot and learned a lot about myself and being with another person. It taught me not to settle. Compromise is okay, but never feel like you're not getting what you deserve. The guy you're giving your all to should want to do that. Things changed between Nick and I and I didn't want to believe that. But when he finally just cut it was like a weight off my shoulders. A part of me was happy he left. It let me breathe. I do miss him though, I'm not gonna lie. But like Ronnie and Thang, it'll pass. I'm a-okay.

Nick texted me today. It was pretty random.. I don't know what to think. I kinda just brushed it off. I told him he needs to stay away and just leave me be. He asked me if I was sure and to be honest no I'm not fucken sure but I need to rationally think what's best for me. I can't let the fact that I still love him cloud my judgment; I did that too much already.

Vacation was fun. I really needed to escape the realities of home and just have fun, even if it was with my family. I didn't buy many souviners. All my money went to food and buying my fam stuff they wanted. It felt nice to see them smile cos of something I bought with my hard earned money. It stung a little bit to have spent all that much but hey, they're family. I get paid on Monday. It won't be much since I missed hella days but it's something. I guess I'll visit Erick too while I'm there.

The whole John thing has blown over. I have to admit, that shit was fucken HILARIOUS.

Without your love it's cold as fuck life is a movie we both say cut but most the time darling the sequel sucks.

Right now I really miss Nick. I know it's just a phase and it'll pass but I miss him. I miss the sound of his voice and the stupid faces he'd make when we would FaceTime. I miss his voice. I miss his hugs and how warm he'd always be. I miss the memories and I know that's the only reason I'm sad. Relationships shouldnt be built off memories though and that's all that kept me around for the two years I was. I'll always care about him, just like the rest of them. But right now I'm just kinda bummed.

I kinda forget what it felt like to just be single and think about myself. It's fun. I can talk to who I want when I want and say what I want. I miss the consistency of being with one person but after Nick I don't know how bad I really want to. I'm in between the two. When the right one comes he'll come but till then I'm just happy doin what I do. =)

In Florida tryna have a good time but I can't get you off my mind..

This nigga is crazy for thinking I'd be able to sneak out of my apartment at this hour! Crazy boy. I'm also not some girl to fuck with on the under. I'll kick it but we all know "kick it" don't mean kick it. Especially at this hour! None the less it's funny. He tried to bribe me with food.. LOL.

God please help me understand why I get treated like complete shit when all I do is love regardless? It breaks my heart. I mean it really really does.

I want good love, healthy love. I want consistency and committment. I'm over feeling like this. I'm tired of being mad all the goddamn time.

My boys were the best Valentines I couldn't asked for. Come through with the only love I need and can depend on. Especially the one I can call crying cussing and hyperventilating and they know exactly how to make things better. Thank god for him. :)

Happppy muthafucken 2 years.

I know it's not like an anniversary or anything but it really is a milestone in our relationship. It's been a long, beautiful two year struggle but we've managed to make it out on top - again, after such a rough three or so weeks. Regardless of the shit we've been through I love you. That may not be the healthiest thing in the world because you call me names, disrespect and mistreat me, and all the things I told myself I'd never take from anyone, but I still love you. I look up to you and think the world of you. You're pretty much capable of anything in my eyes. You're the bestest and I love ya.

Riding with a cute boy in his Lexus. ^__^ I feel special, lmao.