I got the sweetest compliment today. I was lookin hella rough. No make up, my hair was up in a bun from the bun night before, I was in a beater and jeans. I was walking around Target to get stuff I needed and bumped into J. I haven't seen him since he graduated (which was only like a few weeks ago but still, lol) and he was all "I forgot what you looked like without make-up. I think you look prettiest like this." and he was staring me straight in the eye. It made me hella blush and shit. Haha. I mean.. Who doesn't like getting compliments? It was shoshweet. Thank you dear for making my day. Anywhoo.. I have a stummy ache. Ate too much. Got my senior portaits date, July 13 at 11:45am. That's a Tuesday. Paps is gonna have to bring me cos Mom has her QA that day. I need to re-dye my hair and get my eyebrows done before then. My Mom wants me to do the three picture package thing. I hate pictures.. -_- I feel uncomfortable taking professional pictures like that. I really can't wait till Nick pays me back. I am gonna shpoil myself. ^_^ Nothin like retail therapy.. I've decided on getting the 4g when the white one comes out so I can use my own upgrade. The white one is supposed to come out in August I believe. Well, DOG Marathon is on! Toodles.

I want these sooooo bad. They're $90, but very worth it since I paid $150 for my Raybans. But I need to get paid back by someone first. Smh.

Mm.. So.. I figured. That's all I have to say. That was the last straw for me. I was basically all checked out from this whole situation but there was still that part of me that was holding on. Now that's gone. I'm sick of gettin played. I should've listened to everyone from the get-go but my dumbass didn't. I have nothing to say for what happened between us because I'm tired of it. I'm tired of hearing about it, talking about it, feeling about it. It's over. What am I even saying.. It's been over.

SERIOOUSLY THE PAST TWO DAYS HAVE BEEN A BIG GIANT JUMBLE... So what happened Monday.. I go to Hayward for the first time in forevs, only the second time this summer. Or actually no. I met Bryant at Little Mad Fish and we devoured two tables worth of food. It was hella nice to hang out with him since we were so close before. It was coo to reconnect with him and just fuck around. We ended up going to Mt. Eden Park where I awkwardly sat on a bench by myself while people stared at me... Lol. You know that stare where it's like "I know who that is but I don't know them like that" kinda stare. After I headed out with my norm to Nicko's. That felt like the longest walk EVER in my boots. Ended up walking to some guy's house where they bought a dub then we walked to Longwood Park and sat for forever. After that we... Went back to Nicko's where there were hella people and his couch almost ate me. Then eventually I crashed since I had to be up before 4:00am the next morning. I got like 3 hours and 30 minutes of sleep... Haha. I felt pretty refreshed though, or so I thought. Shit I was delirious, haha. It was fun just camping out there with the boy. Typical arguing and stuff, nothing out of the norm basically. We camped out for almost 4 hours then we were in the store for another like, hour a little more. But we were done at AT&T and picking up Dennys before 10:00. Yesterday everyone was like "If you're so fed up with him just stop talking to him. You're just causing problems for yourself." That's true but I mean, most of me has given up and I'm just over the whole thing because it'll never be what I want it to be and I've realized that and I have been happier. We just kick it and it's hella chill. Most of the time I enjoy his company and we have a good time so I guess it's harmless (I'm totally gonna regret that statement, lol. This = HARMFUL). Buuuuuutt.. I'm exhausted. I need to nap. I've been up toooo fucken long.

I was having fun on Polyvore to kill time. ^_^ Everything on there I COULD buy except the Chanel bag. Haha. But the Jeffery Campbell shoes are $105. I mean.. I could.. But they're 5.5 inches. That'd make me like.. 6'2. No thanks. -_-

Thanks again Nick for fucking things over for me. My Mom is helllla mad at me. She said I'm not allowed to go out until she says so. SMH. I haven't felt this bad in hella long. I'm just at home now by myself. I'm starving, there's no food. I just wanna cry. I think I'm gonna take a nap. My phone is off. Probably gonna stay that way for a few days. I don't wanna deal with anything for the time being. Maybe I'm just being sulky right now but it sucks. Thankfully my package came in the mail today? I guess.

My brother is home once again.. =) I missed him soo much. Never again will I go six days without him. Going with my Papa to pick out running shoes tomorrow. And I get like $100 somethin too. Whoo! Mr. Dolci is coming to my house tomorrow to pick up the tie with his wide. Awkward, haha. I hella cleaned my room. I'm so proud of myself. My TOMS, F21, and debit card should be in the mail tomorrow and Wed. I'm going with Nick on Wed to go look at the iPhone. Because I'm fucken nice. I guess. I need to finish cleaning my room so I can put my bedsheets on.

I haven't really had much to blog about lately. So far so good. Or something like that..

I bought my TOMS today! No where I go has my size or the color I want so I just went ahead and bought them online. I got the black ones for $51, not bad since in store they cost $47 more or less with tax. Had Prolific Oven for dinner, yum. I have work again tomorrow. I have to scrub walls.. But at least I'm getting paid. Mom got her Blackberry today. We have like, 4 upgrades so I'm still debating on whether or not I want to get the 4g. I'll probably wait for the bugs and kinks to come out first. No where is taking pre-orders so my best bet is to like, get there before it opens. Haha. My doggy is on antibiotics. =( I wanted to go to the mall today but I don't feel like taking the lightrail there at this time. I would go tomorrow after work but I have work then we're going to a buffet for Father's Day. My Papa has his iPhone now! He loves it, haha. I'm foooool. Time to just veg. I need to clean my room though. And do laundry.. But I don't wanna do laundry until I can go shopping so I can just wash everything together.

I'm so exhausted. I just got home from painting in Fremont. I'm pooped. x__x We didn't even finish either. Today I woke up 8:00, got ready, ate, and waited for Ma and Pa to pick me up. We went to Home Depot, Lowes, Costco, the bank, then to Fremont to paint. Painting was fun but I'm so tired. I was planning on going to the mall tomorrow to go shopping +AT&T for the boy but I have to go to Berkley. Agh. I guess I'll go on Friday. I'm soo tired. I'm gonna shower then lay down.

<--- MY PRETTY DEBIT CARD! WHOOPIE! I went to the bank and open my account! ^_^ Right now I have $150 in my account and almost $150 in cash. I's feelin good! I transfered $50 into my savings. Right now I only have those generic temp cards because it takes 7 days to get mine in the mail. Now I just have to go to the DMV. I'll probably go again sometime this week or next week. Idk though, Mom's herra busy. But it won't take that long since I'm just gonna get my ID and not take the permit test yet. I'm so esscited! I need to call AT&T still.. I'll call tomorrow since I'm not doing anything tomorrow. Going with Papa to Lowes to get paint. Whooo. Bonding time. All in all, good day.

I didn't get to open my account today OR go to the DMV to get my ID because my Mom didn't bring my passport and she was "too lazy" to drive home and just go to the ones here. I fucken guess.. She can't go to the bank tomorrow because she has a full day and ughh. She's been promising me she's gonna do all these things and she always puts it off for months, sometimes even years. -_- I gotta figure out this AT&T upgrade/pre-order/whatever business so Nick can use one of my upgrades. I called AT&T at McCarthy Ranch but he said I have to come to the store and they'll tell me. I know there are two upgrades at least but Mom is gonna use one to get her Blackberry and she's gonna give Papa her iPhone. So I gotta figure out if I can just upgrade myself and not have to bring Mama or someone else. I'm pretty sure all I need is the last 4 digits of Mama's ss# or something. I need to call again later and ask. I'm a nice fucken friend.

Yesterday was cool. I didn't intend on seeing Nick but I was by his old house and decided to give him a call and have lunch or something. It was nice to see him, I'm not gonna lie. But it was different. I really felt like we were hanging out as just friends. My feelings for him were still there but like, I wasn't hanging out with him like we usually do. It was more relaxed and idk how to really explain it. It was cool though. He put in Shutter Island and I was actually watching it but he was lookin hella bored, haha. It was fun though. I knew I was starting to get over it or a part of me already has because when I was playing with his iTouch I saw a picture that would've normally made me flip out but I was just kinda like "Heh" and shrug my shoulders. I didn't even trip. I just put down the ipod and helped him pack. It really didn't bother me. Idk if that's a good or bad thing but whatever. He kept walking away whenever people called and I wanted to be like "You don't have to hide anything from me. I don't care who you're talking to." But it was really nice to hang out with him. I missed being at the house too. I missed his Dad! Haha. But yeah, it was cool. Nothing felt forced. Twas good.

Day 8 — Your favorite internet friend/Day 9 — Someone you wish you could meet/Day 10 — Someone you don’t talk to as much as you’d like to

Day 8: I don't have an internet friend.
Day 9: I wish I could meet Duff Goldman! ACE OF CAKES!
Day 10: Ronnie Noel, I wish we talked more. That's about it, lol.

Day 7 — Your Ex-boyfriend/girlfriend/love/crush

Thang,

I've never felt like any other person really loved me other than you. But I fucked that up. We were so compatible. I don't regret anything, but I feel terrible for hurting you. I hurt you for someone who just played me. I left something hella good for a fucken downgrade. I wish I could take the hurt away. I know it doesn't matter to either one of us at this point because that shit happened so long ago but the year and some odd months we had meant the most to me. I always look back on them and say "THAT'S how a guy should treat me and I'm not gonna be treated any other way." I know I don't always stick to that but I always look to the way you treated me to reassure me that I damn well should be treated good. You were like my bestfriend and my love all wrapped into one. I remember calling you when I got to school to wake you up and you'd text me during first period cos you were still in bed, haha. And you woke up at 6:00am just to get a ride with your cousin to SJSU and you took the bus from SJSU to Piedmont just to see me. You really stayed solid for me. I remember when you told me you just didn't care about me like that anymore, you really stayed on the phone with me even with your brother in the same room asleep while I cried. Even though you hurt me, I still felt that you cared about me. Although we haven't talked in dumbass long and it's hella awkward and shit when we do, it's understandable. I have no problem with it. We aren't in each other's lives anymore and that's okay because that's the way things are meant to be but I just wanted to say thanks, thanks for lovin me and teaching me so much. And thanks for the memories. Some of my best.

Day 5 — Your dreams/Day 6 — A stranger

Dear dreams, please come true. And as for you stranger, hello there.

Day 4 —Your sibling (or closest relative)

DYYYYYYYL, MY WITTLE FATTY. I always talk to Mom about how much I took for granted the times when you were dependent on me, when you were a baby. I miss your pamper pull-up days. The days when you'd fit in my arms and cuddle with me. The days when you needed me. I was still such a little kid then too but I look back on those moments today and miss them so much. You're so grown up now. It makes me so sad seeing you grow up. I get really excited and happy for you too. But I'm scared. I wish I could repeat the years when we'd watch Between the Lions and PBS Kids together. We'd lay in Mommy's office watching TV eating hot pockets together. I miss you innocent, mischevious smile. And your big head! I miss when you were a baby. It really tears me up realizing how time has just flown by. I'm sorry for ALL the crap I say to you. I know I can be soo mean but I let my anger and temper get the best of me sometimes and you're the easiest target. I love you, Bubba. You're the most important little guy in my life. You're just too old to want me around anymore. =/ No other times in the future will ever replace the fun times we had when we were kids though. When we were innocent and carefree. I miss them so much. Thanks for always asking me if I'm okay when I'm crying. Thanks for always hugging me and kissing me goodnight. I love you dude. I'll always be here to protect you and bail you out of trouble. Which is a lot! -_- Idk what I'm gonna do with myself around the house these next 5 days while you're gone.. Love you. -Ate <3

Day 3 — Your parents

Dear Mummsy,

You've put up with me for 16 whole years. You annoy the shit out of me sometimes. You don't understand me most of the time but that's okay. We have so much fun when we're together. I love our random San Diego getaways and shopping sprees. Sometimes you make me feel like I'm such a bad person though. You know how to tear me down, but then you blame me for being upset. Sometimes I hate you and just want nothing to do with you but we always make back up and act like nothing happened. The damage lays dormant though, trust me. I can't wait till I move out because I'll be on my own. I'll prove you wrong. I will be able to take care of myself. I wish I could repay you for all you've done for me my whole life. You're my only parent. Regardless of if I meet my dad one day, I'll only consider YOU my Mom and dad. No one will ever, ever take your place. You deserve so much more than what people give you, me included. I'm sorry for always stressing you out and putting you through so much shit. But I'm growing up, I'm gonna make mistakes. I've learned I can't always be perfect. You've taught me so much. I just can't even begin to tell you how thankful I am for you. Through all our fights Momms, I love ya. I'll make it up to you one day.

Day 2 — Your Crush

I don't have a crush.

To say the least, today was interesting. Had fun though, it was cool. Now I need to catch up on my challenege letter things! Get ready for a post overload.

It'll be soo weird going to Hayward and not seeing Nick. I seriously haven't done that more than twice in a year and a half. Ever since Feb of 09 I've always seen him when I went out there, even if it was only for a minute or two. I went out there for him. Now I'm going out there and not seeing him. It's probably the weirdest, funniest feeling. My stomach feels hollow just thinking about it. And to make things funnier I have to walk past his house. He probably won't be there but it's going to be soo weird just walking past it and not going in it. So many things have happened in that house, good and bad. I had plenty of memories with him in that house. I'm gonna walk by it, probably see someone's car and remember all my occurences with that person. I'm gonna blink and see the entire layout of the house. I'll see the rooms, the furniture. It's soo weird. It's just so weird I'm going there for someone else, not Nick. It's just so weird!! Haha. It's bittersweet. It's surreal. For a year and a half. It's not even a long span of time but it's just weird. But oh well. We'll see how tomorrow goes.

I got the sudden urge to just call and say "I DON'T WANNA GO TOMORROOOOOOW!!!" I really really don't. This is the kidergarten temper tantrum kicking screaming holding onto Mommy's leg don't wanna go!!! Why'd I do this!!

Yaawn. I just got finished straightening my hair. I'm thinking of doing my toesies. I was gonna go get a pedicure but I don't feel like spending the money on it anymore. I tried doing something different to my hair. Fail. My hair really hates me. It doesn't straighten, it doesn't curl, it doesn't tease. It's just a puff. Ugh. I guess I'll shower and clean my room. I hate how I wake up early regardless of what time I sleep.. I was on the phone with Meemz till like 12:00something. Then fucken Nick called me again at 2:00something. I don't understrand why he does it... Or why I answer. I mean, who else would call me at that hour? He said "call me at 11 so we can kick it." NOOOOOO. I really wasn't planning on it. I don't really care about having anything to do with him anymore but I ended up calling and he didn't answering; oh well. Haha. I wasn't expecting him to. I don't feel sad or bad or something. Just like "Oh well." I mean, we would've gone out and I would've had to pay AGAIN so I saved myself money. Muaha. I'm not really excited for tomorrow. I am on and off but not really.. I wanna cat. LOL. But I feel bad so I'll just go and get through 4 torturous hours. It got politely extended from 12 to 2. I don't think I'll stay till 2:00.... Haha. I'm gonna go to Ronnie's after and eat Asia Deligh +watch a movie till Bffl gets out of practice. My Mom just walked in here and asked me "I thought you were going out." and I'm like "Nah. He didn't answer." then she walks away going "I FUCKEN HATE HIM. I DON'T GET WHAT THE FUCK YOU KEEP PUTTING YOURSELF THROUGH THIS FOR. I DON'T GET IT. HE HURTS YOU. YOU CRY. IT'S THE SAME SHIT ALL OVER AGAIN. *rant continues..." Hahha. I'm not sad, I'm not crying, I don't care. I'm really fine, haha. Perhaps I'll get a shake laayer. *face palm... I NEED TO GET MY EYEBROWS DONE! I need to bounce!

I'M GONNA MISS HAVING SPANISH WITH THESE GUYS! (I was holding up Meemz's butt.) Look at Fernando looking suuuper moded. And Ryan Do looking like a girl as usual.

I haven't blogged in forever! Nothin much has happened, needless to say. School is over. I still haven't gotten any call backs for jobs. I hope things turn around though! I'm reggy to go out! Waitin to get swooped and party hop to like, a million grad parties. I'm behind on my daily blogs too! I will catch up, promise! It's something I really wanna do. I'm out tonight, then tomorrow I'm gonna get a pedicure/eyebrows down and maybe pick up somethin cute to wear for Monday. I gotta clean my room and do my nails tomorrow too. Idk! Time to go! Tonight will be cracken!

I feel like all I do is plan, plan, plan.

Not that I don’t enjoy spontaneity, but I prefer to have a set timeline of activities. And I’m not only talking about planning my day, or my week, but my life. I want to be married at this age. I want to own my house when I’m this age. At this age, I should be finishing grad school. I like lists, I like order (even though you wouldn’t believe the latter after seeing my room). It gets frustrating because, as we all know, life isn’t linear at all. It’s more like a crazy swirl of events and people and… When things don’t go according to plan, I get flustered. It takes me a little bit to reorient myself. I feel like I’m much too young to be stressing so much about this whole “future” business — whatever happened to carpe diem and the idea of living in the moment? But, at the same time, I don’t want to be irresponsible. Balance is easier said than done, I can tell you that.

Haha, anyways, I need to stop watching so many wedding shows. I get too caught up.

Eventually, I want someone that I can lay in bed with and watch movies in the dark with. Who'll eat my rather distasteful popcorn with mustard and jalepanos concoction with me. Who I can wrestle with and hit without them getting mad at me. A person who'll let me be dead weight on top of them as long as I feel like. Who I don't have to impress every single time I see that person. I want someone to go on adventures with..even if it's to the grocery store. Someone who doesn't think my idea of "fun" or stupid and who'll just go with it "because." Someone who I can talk to into the wee hours of the morning with and who I can say "I've never told anyone that before." Someone who I won't feel judged by. I want someone who'll make chocolate covered strawberries and homemade rice krispies with me. A person who I can accidentally or intentionally lock eyes with and NOT be called gay. Someone who'll let me be me and not make me feel so fucken bad about it. Sighhhh.. I can dream right? Lol. Just though of this randomly, the things I want to have in another person.

Seriously UPS? You misshipped my fucken package? A delay is expected? REALLY? WHAT CAN BROWN DO FOR YOU? IT CAN GO FUCK ITSELF. SMH SMH SMH. I should be studying like everyone else, but naaaah..

Day 1

Dear Bffl,

We've been Bffs since... 7th grade! That seems like forever and a fucken day ago. We've been through the best and worst times together. You know just about everything about me. I can be completely shameless and stupid with you and I know you won't judge me or make me feel like a bad person about it. You sit there, unfortunately, while I bitch bitch bitch and complain complain complain about boys, my family, school, and most recently, how I'm fat. HAH. I love how we share secrets and clothes. We always (or usually) dress up really nice when we go out/parties because we secretly wanna see how... Well, we'll keep that between us. ;) You know all the stupid, immature, selfish, gross things I've done and I know I can get your honest response/opinion about it without it hurting my feelings. I love when I go to your house and we get home and we just lay around in the dark talking about our deepest feelings about life. I really cherish those moments (even though I fall asleep mid-conversation). Thank you for not bitching at me when the boy calls me in the middle of the night when I'm sleeping at your house. Thanks for always picking up the phone when I'm in tears because of something he did. Thanks for always saying he's stupid and it'll be his loss. I've never planned my life so far ahead and in-depth with another person, all homo! Thanks for reminding me that I have to put me first and all the decisions I choose NOT to make are the ones I NEED to be making. You're the only person who doesn't make me feel bad for who I am. You always know what to say to make me feel better. I can scream and cry in front of you and know that those intimate moments would never be expressed with anyone else. I wish I could be a better bestfriend. We both have our faults and have made stupid mistakes at the expense of our friendship, but nothing will ever break it. TOO FUCKEN SOLID. Seriously, my maayne bitch forever! I love acting stupid and gay around you and knowing it's completely normal for us. I love running down the street at 1:30am barefoot being the funnest part of a night of spontaneous hookups. Thank you for being there for every... single... boy... problem... ever... Thang, Ronnie, Austin, Nick, Allen... OMG. I FEEL SO GAY FOR MORE THAN HALF OF THOSE. HAHAH. But we've both learned a lot through each others experiences. Like don't go to Daly City in booty shorts because you'll most likely be sitting in the freezing cold for a couple hours. There are a million other things I wanna say but you know everything already. I love you, Bffl!

I plan on doing this, I will I will!

30 Letters,
Day 1 — Your Best Friend
Day 2 — Your Crush
Day 3 — Your parents
Day 4 —Your sibling (or closest relative)
Day 5 — Your dreams
Day 6 — A stranger
Day 7 — Your Ex-boyfriend/girlfriend/love/crush
Day 8 — Your favorite internet friend
Day 9 — Someone you wish you could meet
Day 10 — Someone you don’t talk to as much as you’d like to
Day 11 — A Deceased person you wish you could talk to
Day 12 — The person you hate most/caused you a lot of pain
Day 13 — Someone you wish could forgive you
Day 14 — Someone you’ve drifted away from
Day 15 — The person you miss the most
Day 16 — Someone that’s not in your state/country
Day 17 — Someone from your childhood
Day 18 — The person that you wish you could be
Day 19 — Someone that pesters your mind—good or bad
Day 20 — The one that broke your heart the hardest
Day 21 — Someone you judged by their first impression
Day 22 — Someone you want to give a second chance to
Day 23 — The last person you kissed
Day 24 — The person that gave you your favorite memory
Day 25 — The person you know that is going through the worst of times
Day 26 — The last person you made a pinky promise to
Day 27 — The friendliest person you knew for only one day
Day 28 — Someone that changed your life
Day 29 — The person that you want tell everything to, but too afraid to
Day 30 — Your reflection in the mirror

Seriously dude... Don't fucken call me if you're just gonna be fucken stupid like that. And I'M the childish one?! If you don't wanna talk to me anymore just fucken say so instead of fucken hanging up on me in the middle of me talking. That shit is fucken annoying. And you wonder why I bitch about all the shit you do? MAYBE BECAUSE IT FUCKEN ANNOYS IT. I have to do everything in my power sometimes to keep from picking up the phone and cussing your stupidass out. Fuck. Just leave me the fuck alone.

I dressed like a boy, again. Can't go wrong with bball shorts and a tshirt. I have two finals tomorrow, and three classes. We're probably just watching a movie or somethin hella chill in 2nd period. I have my two "hardest" finals tomorrow. Err.. The ones I'm freaking out most about. I'm probably not gonna have a C- in math, which suuucks. But whatever. Did our ice cream lab in chem today. Ours was THE SHIT. It was SO GOOD! Shaking the ice was fun; everyone's hands went numb. Pretty much just partied in 6th. Had pizza, chilled with Justin, Jenell, Dianna, Jessica! My homo. Took 3 tests in math today, all of which I failed. I really, really give up at this point. I should study for the Crowther final tomorrow but there's nothing really that you can do other than know what the themes/literary devices are and how to explain them. It's basically your understanding. We went over them Friday, Thursday, and today but he talks so fast and it's soo boring, especially first period. For a whole hour... Got 10 job applications to fill out and did one online. Hopefully I get an interview for at least one! I did Century in Newark and In-N-Out at McCarthy Ranch online and I have about 10 paper applications to do and turn in by Wed. I'm so excited. =) Time to finish applications, nap, then stuuuudy!

I don't get why if I'm in MY room crying, you need to come in here and make a big huge deal about it and make YOUR life harder. I'm obviously not bothering anyone so just leave me the fuck alone, Jennifer.

No point staying at a place where I'm not wanted.

My Mom made it pretty clear to me yesterday that she didn't want me around. She stood in my doorway while I laid in bed crying telling me I made her life hell and her life would be easier if I wasn't around. This isn't the first time she's said it and this time it hurt the most. I don't know why I'm staying in a place where I'm clearly not wanted. After tomorrow, I'll just clean my room and pack my shit then probably spend the rest of my summer at my Grandparent's house. I make her life so much harder so why should I stay? No one understands how much she hurts my feelings. I get I don't make her life easy either but that doesn't mean she can say all these hurtful words to me. I'd much rather her be completely disconnected from my life than have a Mom who's involved but says all this mean shit to me all the time. She makes me feel like I'm a bad person. I don't know what else to do. I can't "work" things out with her and talk it out; my family just isn't like that. My last option is to just leave. Either I'm gonna wait out these last 4 days of school or leave Tuesday. I don't know what else to do.

Another glow stick picture from the last rally. Our seniors were so fucken crazy; I'll miss them. ESPECIALLY BERNAH.

Seniors goodbye rally was legit. Too bad I couldn't get a better pictures, but the raining glow sticks was on point. It was so cool! And the one random purple one, haha.

Recap on my birthday

June 4: I got all the love in the world at school. =) Roan brought me balloons and brownies, Vickie brought me cake. After school I got flowers and stuff, haha. First time I've ever gotten flowers.. Had dinner w/ mi familia at my grandparent's house. It was delicious. Miggles was the funnest!

June 5: My birthday really wasn't great. I mean, I didn't expect it to be but whatever.. I had Nick get all pissed off at me because all I do it bitch, apparently. My Mom took my phone and my laptop and "grounded" me (yeah, that didn't last. LOL.) and I slept for 20 hours. I kept taking medicine so I could fall asleep. She told me I'm bipolar and I need to be put in a hospital and blah blah blah. Whatever. I woke up maybe twice but other than that, it was pretty shitty. I have nothing else to say about that.

June 6: Ran errands, got a hair teaser, head bands, pens, and a key chain. OH! And as a birthday present to myself (since I didn't get any! Lol.) two lipsticks, Honeylove and Viva La Glam, from MAC. And fluidline eyeliner. Now I'm home watching There's Something About Mary. I have a headache. Nap time.

I AM PISSED AS FUCK. YOU REALLY DO KNOW HOW TO RUIN A DECENT FUCKEN DAY. I feel played as FUCK. I'M SO UUUGH. I forreal can't even think straight. I'M SO UGHPONGngirwngoiwngoiernbwRGN0whgnowiegnoiwpBG. THAT'S HOW I FUCKEN FEEL RIGHT NOW. I'm going to bed. Fuck this.

TODAY WAS GOOD. First was boring, did final prep. Second was coo, did our final presentation and I saved almost everyone's ass. Third was boring. Fourth we chilled. The ceiling was leaking! It was gross, hah. Fifth we studied for the final. In 6th we did a really boring secratic seminar. And seventh we did more review. I have to stay after school tomorrow and retake half of one math test and the entire chapter 11 test. Ugh. Thankfully I have the answers to the chapter 11 test. I just need to study chapter 13 tomorrow at lunch and during 6th. Thankfully it's Friday tomorrow. We get our lab results back tomorrow. It's Dooms Day. >.< After that it's the last week of school. Yeee! Just finals all week. I need to study math and english quite wells! After school walked to Papa and Mama's.... Saw Jonjonjon driving! He drives a niceass Jetta. Woke up to the boy texting me. It was right when I fell asleep too.. Haha. He pissed me off, then came through to Papa and Mama's to pick me up. He braved traffic and getting lost just for me, teheh. We went to Outback where I ate like a monster! I wish I had eaten more or gotten a bigger steak or something because I was still hungry when we left.. Haha. We did our typical fighting we we're first together thing then we warmed up a little bit during dinner. We walked to the candy apple place, picked up a few candy apples for his Mom and sister then headed on home. We chilled in our normal spot for a little bit just talking and attempting to lay down together. Haha. It was fun though. =) The weather was hella nice. Warm, but breezy. And the sun was in the perfect spot. I wish I could've made that moment stand still. And make my period go away cos I was lightweight crampy. I know that sounded totally gay but it was a really relaxed, chill moment for us. THOSE ARE RARE! I'm exhausted so I'm gonna sleep.

You deserve to get what you give.

"What's the stupidest thing you've done for a guy?" I can't do anything but the -_- face for hella long cos I'm reminded of all the stupid shit I've done for him. It's not even that what I did was stupid, but it was the fact he never earned or deserved what I gave him. I always tried to justify why he deserved thte things I do for him and it never fails someone says "And what's he done for YOU?" I'm always speechless but I don't know. Hahahah. Just a thought. Well, no need to worry about all that nonsense anymore. It's done.

Ugh! I thought I'd wake up by 9:00pm to watch Sister Act but I overslept and it's almost over!! I'm so mad. I guess I'll study for my socio final tomorrow and whatever else. All I know is, my arm is killing me. It's super tender right around the cut. I got weighed at the hospital and I weight 105.3, I got weighed today I weight 101.1. Yeahh, haha. Where'd that other 4 pounds come from and go!? Hella lazy to text back Roan and Ronnie... My allergies are killing my right now! No bueno. "What is love?" "Cake." Loooool. Omg my mind is running a million miles a minute. I HATE WHEN IT'S STUFFY AND I CAN'T BREATHE. IT MAKES ME ANXIOUS.

Today felt so long and I looked soo shitty. I was so tired from the day before with the hospital and all that. Went to school and fixed my lab write up. Thank God I got to fix it! Thank you Mr. Mac. Now let's hope I'm within 5%. >.< Didn't practice final stuff in spanish. I got almost all 100s on them except the last mini-test thing on the grammar I got none right.. LOL. But I know why now. I have to present my aventura tomorrow too. What else do I have tomorrow.. Oh, chem quiz during lunch and socio presentation. Let's hope all goes well! I'm really super cold. Afterschool went to Planned Parenthood again. My pill box is green now! I likes. Creepy mexican and black guys waved to me.. Ehk. Just got done cooking myself dinner and showering. Today is pretty slow. RONNIE DECIDED TO TEXT ME BRIGHT AND EARLY THIS MORNING OVER SOMETHING GAY. -__- He got his RSX though! I better get a ride in that considering I helped him!! I'm tiyuurd. Gonna take a little nap, clean my room, and do homework. Gotta wake up at 4:00am again tomorrow to straighten my hair.

I keep telling myself that I made the right decision.

Thank you Ronnie for being on the recieving end of all my bitching, complaining, and crying the past few days. No one else will do it. (Even though it's totally not what you wanna be doing, lol.) Even kelt me company while I was bored out of my mind in the emergency room today

Today was so stressful! Last night I couldn't sleep at all. I only got about two hours of sleep. I texted everyone and no one could keep me distracted from thinking about the lab. Ronnie Noel Poligrates, you SUCK at keeping me distracted. I was so desperate to distract myself so I actually helped him look for an RSX. I ended up falling asleep around.. Two. I woke up four and just stayed awake. I was so distracted firsrt, second, and worst of all third. I was getting super dizzy during third. During break I ran to chem to save my station. I titrated, broke a flask, sliced open my arm, got chemicals in it, soakes through a million paper towels, went to the emergency room and now I'm exhausted. I got my period today though! I am beyond happy. I am so bloated and irritable. I think it's just because today was so exhausting. I have an appointment tomorrow at 3:30, then Wed I need to retake the math test I missed today, then during lunch tomorrow I need to retake a chem quiz I've been lagging on taking, and then Friday take my chapter 11 test. I also have to study for finals and present in sociology. After I eat, I need to nap. Need. I'm exhausted and in pain. Hella people are tryna kick it on my birthday. I honestly don't want to do anything. I should since it's the end of an exhausting week and I should end it with a good birthday but I don't really feel like doing anything. For now. I'm exhaausted..