In 2010 I lost friends, became lactose intolerant, and got a pet turtle.
2010, more or less, has been a damn good year.

COULD I ASK FOR A BETTER MANSY?! I REALLY FUCKEN COULDN'T. =) I LOVE THIS GUY. Every time I'm sad or mad or whatever, he's always there to make me feel better. He's really made such a huge change for me and us lately I really couldn't ask for anything else. (I hate how he's right a good amount of the time, luls) We always have a good ass time together and I always have to ruin it. But, he's always asking me what's wrong and wants me to tell him how I feel and he never did that stuff before. He was so true when he said I always want more and more. I have to learn and accept that the things I want will come in time.. <3 *sighhh. Luhh jooo.

Awee.. I'm like, really super super super super sad he's not coming out here. I got all dressed up and ready and everything and I was hella looking forward to spending my last day of break with him but it didn't exactly work out like that.. I'm hella bummed.. I guess I'll just go to work in a little and pick up my check then just eat and watch movies. I'm hella sad. =(

So I'm ordering Dominos and watching a movie. I guess I'll swing by and get my check in a little then deposit it so I can go shopping online tomorrow after work. I wish I didn't get ready cos I feel like a dumbass. The only reason I'm not crying already is cos I don't want my make up to get messed up - not like I'm going out though.

Idk why I even bother with you.

Gotta love my mansy though. ^_^

Leave it to Nick to ruin my night and make me cry. What's new? Fuck you. I do this shit every single day.

Why periods suck:

1.) You have no idea when it’s gonna fucking strike. You could wake up with the red sea in your panties. Or have a spot going on at school.
2.) IT RUINS YOUR PRETTY PANTIES.
3.) Pads and tampons aren’t things I really wanna wear.
4.) Taking a shit is disgusting.
5.) CRAMPS HURT LIKE A MOTHER FUCKER.
6.) I get moody.
7.) I hate sneezing on my period.
8.) I hate going pee because blood is everywhere.
9.) It smells hella gross.
10.) It is the longest  seven  five days of my life.
11.) It’s when you’re most horny.

Hella want this brush set from Sephora! =( Herra cheap too though..

Day 2: Relationships

(Herrra days later, I know..)


I've lost most of my relationships this year. I thought I had the best friends and the world's best dude but that's definitely not how things worked out. I thought I made friends that were down but I guess not. And as far as romantic relationships go.. let's just say never again.

I WANT SOMETHIN SOLID OR NOTHING AT ALL...

My grandparent's leave tomorrow. =( I'm hecka sad. Idk what I'm gonna do with myself if I don't see my grandpa everyday. That sounds so pathetic but I love my fucken Papa, lol. He's not gonna be here for his birthday. Smh. And staying in there house is gonna make it even sadder for me cos I'm around all their stuff and they're not here. =/ Anyways, I'm trying to enjoy my last few days of break before school starts again. It was nice to just lounge around the house, go out occasionally, and not have much responsbility. It was relaxing. Christmas shopping with JR I think was the only time I even went out over break.. Err, no. I went to Fairfield too, lol... I'm supposed to go out with Emilio over break but he won't decide where! You'd think gays would always have something planned. I really wanna buy the 88 Piece Palette on Costal Scents. It's herrrra cheap! I really want Combo Set #5 cos it has 4 palettes for $70. Mac's quads don't even come that cheap. I think I'm gonna get it Friday night or some time this weekend. I really want my stippling brush and lip brush from Sigma, which is a must. I really need my brow pencil and all my liners from MAC but ughh, make up is so expensive. I need new jeans too cos mine are hella baggy for some reason. 2 of my Cheap Mondays are so tight they won't even zip. THAT'S SAD. I need to lose weight as soon as the new year starts.

Speaking of the new year, I need some change. I'm looking forward to moving to Sf but really anxious and sscared and nervous at the same time. I know staying in SJ won't make me happy or help me move forward and grow up, but it's still scary to leave my comfort zone. I really need to change myself in regards to relationships. Even though Nick and I didn't last I still need to learn to act right for the next guy that comes along. My standards are definitely gonna be more affirmed when the next guy comes along. I always wanted the guy who'd treat me like a lady, and I had that until Nick.. I felt like he was a cool ass friend but when it came to satisfying my requirements of being a gentleman.... not so much. Didn't mean I didn't love him, he was just different than any guy I thought I'd end up with. Now that things are over, err whatever they are, I need to pay attention to myself. I'm doing things to distract myself from how bummed I am. And that sucks when you don't have friends, especially your best friend, to go out with or that even knows you exist. One thing I've learned from losing all my friends and Nick is that you can't depend on anyone to do anything for you. Eventually everyone is gonna screw you over and end up leaving.

We just want two different things, Nick. That's driving a huge wedge between us. So finally it's goodbye for good and it tears me to pieces inside.. But we gotta do what we gotta do..

I've lost my best friend. Idk what happened. It went from talking for hours everyday to maybe once a week. Idk what to do so I guess I'll just let it go. I am ALWAYS the one chasing after people and I'm done with that bullshit.

I always think I can get people to change for me by changing myself. No, it shouldn't be like that. If someone is gonna change it shouldn't all be on me. How is that THEM changing? Sometimes I really don't know if it's worth it man..

With my Christmas money, it is time to splurge! Whee!

I looooved work today! It was pretty fucken busy till the night time. My first day working 12-9, it wasn't too bad. I was bar most of the day which was cool. Junard got me a jewelry box for Christmas. <3 He's so sweet! I love him so much. My package of stuff I got myself came. I'm quite happy with my purchases! Oh, me and Hans got into it today. So funny. We made up though. Love my Hansy Horse! Oh. He told me Eric likes me. x__x Weird.. He says I'm pretty and shit, which is flattering, but weird.. I guess I'm just not used to being liked and told these things, lol. Awe, JR hella made me smile today.. I was on my 10 and I was sitting and I guess I looked sad or whatever and he was all "You deserve better. It really hurts to see you like this." I was all AWEEEEE. Hans said kinda the same thing to me earlier too. "Eric is a gentleman. He'll treat you like a woman." I really don't wanna fuck with anyone after Nick. I'll just do me till I get to Sf and see all the puuurtty boys at SFSU. Uuuuhgh! Haha. I hate when me and Nick and he says he's gonna leave and I get all crazy and possessive begging him to stay.. I think I just get scared of being left, when yeah it sucks, but it ain't my fault. His loss. I love that guy to death but I can't even tell him how I feel without it being a bigass thing sooo.. Idk what tomorrow is gonna bring but idk how much I care. I'm running errands, then getting a pedicure and eating sushi, JR's treat. =)

Sighhh.. Just when I think things are okay, you let me down. I guess I expect too much.

I wish I could have given my honey everything he wanted this Christmas but sadly I'm not a millionaire. He did get pretty good presents from me though. =) I love giving!

Gotta love my hubby.

=)


But I really miss having a boyfriend.

After two years I'd like someone to love me, care about me, and treat me good. I don't have the energy to fight like this anymore. I guess I did what I could and it wasn't enough. Oh well.. Maybe someone else will finally treat me right.




I wonder, if I never started talking to Ronnie, if I'd still have the one person that loved me more than anything. But the past is in the past..

Even though I didn't get any presents this year, I hope everyone liked mine.

I hope my Mom liked her Coach wallet and wiper blades.
I hope my brother liked his Kinect, Toy Story game, and Game Stop giftcard.
I hope my grandparents liked the ham.
I hope my Tito liked the sweater.
I hope Miggsy liked his truck/blocks toy.
I hope Nick liked his Air Maxs, white/red 13s, Cool Grey 11s, thermal, jeans, cologne, button down shirt, and Warrior tickets.
I hope my Cho liked her HK snuggie +slippers.
I hope Nugget (will like) his shirt.
I hope Ate Cyn likes her silly bandz and lotion.
I hope Ate Rhenell likes her scarf and mittens.

2010 Reflection Challenge

Day 1: A few things you will never forget in 2010.
Day 2: Relationship(s).
Day 3: The best day.
Day 4: The worst day.
Day 5: The most memorable moment.
Day 6: Your best friend(s).
Day 7: Your birthday.
Day 8: The funnest getaway.
Day 9: The end of last school year/the beginning of this one.
Day 10: New Year resolutions.

Day 1:
Crying all day on my birthday, Tahoe w/ my family (even though it sucked, I guess that's why it was memorable), getting my first job and lovin it, all the days I spent with my hubs, July 4th with my Bffl, Prom 2010, the day I realized I completely lost my "friends". I guess you could say 2010 wasn't all that.

If I could've gotten anything this Christmas, it would've
been this ring. I wish I had the money to buy it myself
but sadly I don't. (It's the same freakin price as the Uggs
I wanted and the ring is fucken from Tiffany & Co!!)
It's soooo precious. I want it so bad.

It's hard to wanna do this sometimes. I get all sad and upset because, like always, I feel the person I've given everything to just won't ever shape up. Everytime I catch you doing stuff behind my back it gets harder and harder to trust you, to love you, and to even wanna keep doing this. I can't keep letting things slide like this. I'll be honest, I didn't even wanna let you keep the 13s or give you money for the 11s because I don't wanna give you things you want and that make you happy when you're doing all this shit behind my back and when I find out I'm heartbroken and upset. You get you fucken panties in a twist when I tell you I don't trust you but so you don't realize you bring all of this upon yourself? I wanna trust you and I wanna be happy but it's hard when you play me like a fucken fool. Telling girls they're your wifey and they've given you the best sex and how you miss cuddling with them and you want them to come over at 11:45 at night. Reading that shit makes me wanna vomit and I'm seriously heartbroken. I can't keep letting you do me like that to me and pretend like I'm okay with it. I'm not. I'm not okay with it. It's hard to always put stuff behind me when you're gonna do it to mw again, especially when you say you're gonna stop but I catch you again. I always catch you, and after two years of someone constantly doing this to you and convincing you they're gonna stop when they won't.. It makes you lose faith in the whole thing. It's hard not to resent someone who does these things to you. I've done all I can think of to get you to stop and just wanna be with me but it doesn't work. Maybe because I'm not good enough or whatever, but I can't get you to quit. It sucks because it makes me feel like there's something wrong with me, like I'm not pretty enough or I'm not good at this or at that. Well damn, I'm sorry then. Maybe if I can't make you feel like I'm wifey or I'm good or sex or whatever other superficial stupid shit I'm so terrible at then leave. I'm tired of always feeling like I'm second best. How is this ever gonna work if you always break my trust and you're always doing something with God knows how many other girls? I can't take it anymore. I hate feeling fucken stupid.

My holidays always seem to suck, thanks to my Mom. She really doesn't understand that she can be really mean, selfish, and mean. But of course, it's always Rikki's fault. Christmas ruined? Check.

"Your parents went out for a vacation, and you’re all alone. The sunset slowly disappears as I approach your house. You walk out of your door, wearing those sexy shorts I love, that tank top that shows your cleavage, I get a little turned on just by looking at you. You grab me by the hand, and lead me to your living room. We played a movie, cuddled, exchanged kisses, and held each other tight to kill time. And one point during the movie, we kissed passionately for about 10minutes. I felt your hand feeling my torso and leaving little scratch marks to represent how bad you wanted me. I was just about to unbutton your bra, until you shut off the DVD player and tv. Without paying attention to what’s behind you, I sweep you off your feet and carry you. “Babe, what’re you doing?” You already knew the answer once I stared at you.

I carried you to your room, gently setting you on top of your bed, while I look into your eyes. It stayed like that for a while, because looking into your eyes were like looking at a crystal ball. I know what to do. I start biting/sucking on your lips, tasting/playing with your tongue, till you stop and say “Come get me.” I continue kissing you, as I unhook your bra. Begin to remove your top. Kiss you on your neck because I know how much it turns you on. Then to your breast, super soft but your nipples weren’t. I start licking them as you let out little moans. Your shorts are still on, but without hesitation, I ripped them off. I couldn’t love you slowly, I wanted you that bad that it had to be done asap. I kiss under your bellybutton, till I reach your clit. That’s when shit starts to get intense. You like the way I tease you, but it’s too much for you to handle that you’re grabbing and pulling my hair like you’re fighting some girl. I finger you while eating you out, because I know how much you enjoy that. Your moans get louder and louder, but all of a sudden.. you stopped. You looked at me and said, “Now it’s my turn babe.”

My shirt, belt, and pants came off like the sound of a heartbeat. The only thing that was left was my boxers. Removing my clothing, and kissing me in certain places made me hard. You grabbed my dick out of the whole in the middle of my boxers. You start licking. My moans were soft, but when you started stroking it and sucking it up and down, it amazed me how you could change my volume soo quick. I need to get in you."



OH MY GAWD. The best thing I've read in so long. If this doesn't get you wet, I really don't what to tell you.

B managed to get Air Maxs, 13s, AND 11s from me in literally a matter of a week. -__- That spoiled punk, haha.

I had the best time ever with my hubbs, his Mom, and Darryl. The food was great and Christmas shopping was successful (although we had a little spats). I couldn't ASK FOR A BETTER MAN. <3 He takes good care of me (most of the time, lolol). He's, and we've, got a long way to go before anything is consistently good but he's so good to me, more or less. LOL. I wonder if that's what things are gonna be like if we lived together. OHH LAWD. HAHA. Now I know how involved he could be in a videogame. I literally sat there for almost three hours and went through sooo many magazines, haha. But it was fun. I'm at work so I'll blog more later about my lovely day later. =) I luhhhs my tutttle.

I'm watching True Life and this guy is crying like a douche about his girlfriend and it's fucken annoying. I really hope that's not what I sound like when I cry...but I have a feeling it is. I've been up since like the asscrack of dawn without a damn thing to do. I'm waiting for Ma and Pa to get done with work so I can go Christmas shopping with Ma. I hope we go to like Eastridge or Valley Fair because I need to get more concealer cos these eyebags are nooo bueno. My package is gonna be here on Christmas Eve, yippie! K, I'm done now cos I'm bored.

If my hubbs ever sees this...

for Christmas I'd like "Please Me" lipstick from MAC and red TOMS in a size 7. And my favorite candy. >=)



But I know he can't afford it, but his company is worth 10x more. <3

To my babe, baby, hubbs, monster, etc,

if I could spend every day (more or less, lol) of the rest of my life with you, I'd be a happy camper. I loves you!

It's almost Christmas break!

Then just five more months until I graduate and move to the City...where all the pretty boys are! ^_^

If a girl understands your bullshit, sticks through your mistakes, smiles even when you've done nothing for her, its obvious she's a keeper. But it's also obvious you don't deserve her.

AHHHH! I wanna do this. Right now. (I wish I had boob, lmao.)

I had the time of my life yesterday. I honestly can't ask for a better man in my life, boyfriend or not. <3 He's the sweetest thing ever and he cares about me so much. It's hard for me to see that sometimes, or most of the time, but he just blew me away yesterday. We got along so well and I was lovin every minute of it. He took good care of me and he was soooo affectionate. Ugh, I was eating that shit up. I'm such a douche, haha. We have definitely come a hell of a long way and I'm so proud of us. We do have a long way to go before anything is consistent, but now more than ever I've wanted to make things work between us. He's the fucken best best best! Seriously! I can't even explain in words how much I had fun with him yesterday from watching Spongebob in bed to cleaning up his nosebleed to him smothering me with druken slobbery hugs in the kitchen. I fucken love him, =) It was so nice to sleep with him even if he was drunk. I woke up cos I couldn't breathe, lolol, and his arms were around me. It was so nice to wake up 17 times in a night and see his face and put my arms around him. It was the best feeling in the world. I love him.

Beyond stressed out

It's the week before finals and I'm stressed like you have no idea. I have no joke, as ASS LOAD of things to do (mainly for bio) and I just wanna throw in the towel and say "fuck it", but I won't let myself. I have three labs due tomorrow that I have to copy all three of them tomorrow (FML). Then this weekend I'll see my babes, which is gonna be a total stress reliever. But then the next day I have wokr from 11am-8pm, then after an exhausting day of work I have to study my ass off for finals +do 5 chapters worth of objectives. Ugh.

I'm suuuuuriously the most luckiest girl in the whole wide world. Idk what I did to deserve such a funderful man. =) After all this time things are finally looking up.

Dear God, if you love me, please don't let me get my rag till Sunday.

This Christmas I,

wanna exchange presents with my babe, go ice skating at Union Square than munch at the Burger Bar.

I'm mortified that my bubbs is moving to Fairfield in just days. We barely get to see each other because I'm always working and he only lives 20 minutes away and now he's moving almost two hours away just worries the shit out of me. I'm so worried he'll just forget all about me and move on to someone else. I hate being so dependent on him coming out to see me because I feel bad he has to waste all that time and gas just for me, but I know he does it because he cares. It's just so hard that he's gonna be even farther away.. Then just like 6 months later I'll be moving to the City. BUT, I mapquested San Francisco to Fairfield and it's about 50 minutes away. That's reasonable! I'm just worried things won't work out and we've really come this far.. But I'm just being a worry-wart.

I haven't updated in awhile and a few memorable things have happened but I don't have the time/energy to tell it all right now. I will later, if I have time. Just for short though, I'm so happy to have my love bug. Just got off the phone w/ him while he was literally half asleep. Like I said before: HE'S THE BEST TO TALK TO WHEN HE'S HALF ASLEEP. <3

Been awake since 5:00am. Screw you internal clock. Thanksgiving was typical. Ate, played with my little guy. Went to Wal-mart cos we got bored so I got foundation, powder, blush, and two boxed of hair dye. That all cosr me $52. -__- But whatever, lol. Was bored when I woke up so I ended up talking to Hansy Horse so I guess he texted me when I was asleep. Got my behind the wheel today. Ahhh, so scared. Especially with these crazy Black Friday drivers on the road! I'm hungry; I think I'll put some pants on and go downstairs to eat and watch Toy Story. 8)

Got my muthafucken SFSU acceptance letter today. I am soo fucken excited for college. Gonna pick up the letter tomorrow after school and then talk with Ma, Pa, and Tito about how we're gonna work out the living situation and shit. From an ideal point of view it'd be great if it was gonna be just me and Tito living there but it's no financially sound so I understand where they're coming from when they say they need to rent out the in-laws suite. I kept walking around the house like "WOO!" cos I was hella excited, haha. I called Pacsun to see if they finished calling all the people they wanted to hire and they still haven't. She said they'd be done by the end of the day today.. Smh, haha. My first driving lesson is this Friday! Ahh! I'm growing up. ;( Haha. I'm really happy. Losssa good things hannin right now. ^__^ Let's hope it stays this way.

I seriously talked to you for 30 seconds and you've managed to piss me off an make me cry. I'm tired of doing this every single day. I'm not gonna be miserable for anyone, especially you - the guy who hasn't done shit for me.

This sounds kinda funny but I love you most when you're half asleep. Everything is calm and I feel like the guard you have up is finally down. You aren't fully aware of what you're saying but the responses you give and the things you say are honest, for the mos part. That's when we argue the least and I feel I can love you the easiest. You always say the sweetest things when you're half asleep (if you're coherent enough to respond, lol). I can pick on you and make fun of you without the fear of making you mad. I can just be my complete self when you're half asleep. Sometimes I wish that you'd just stay that way so things would be a little easier.. I gotta start actin right if I'm gonna prove to him I want to work things out. I wanna show him I can be the person HE wants. I love you a whole fucken lot, Nick. <3

1/2 of me is like: It's been so long, you can't give up now. You have to really make an effort to make this better for you and for us. He's the love of your life and there's a reason you're still fighting for him this long. You've gotta show him you really wanna change and you'd do anything in the world to make this better. You know you miss the old times. You'd give anything to make those times happen again. You have to really want to try or else it's not gonna work..

The other 1/2: Give up.

It's over. It is what it is. I'm never gonna let anyone else do this to me ever again..

I slept so good last night. I feel better. Now I'm at work with good people and yummy food (breakfast buffet ftw). I don't know what's gonna unfold between us today or if yesterday was honestly the end but either way, Rikki's gotta take care of herself and be happy. *Sigh.. Time to get the day started.

I don't really have anything to say. Just "keep calm and carry on" I guess. Life goes on, Rikki.

So will the real men get up? I know you’re fed up, ladies, but keep your head up.

I'm pretty happy with where things are going right now. I haven't had this positive of an outlook in a really long time. Granted, I'm still stressing over AP bio but I know the only way I'll be able to pass the class is to study. I mean duh, lol. I have my first driving lesson with an instructor next Friday, the day after Thanksgiving from 2pm-4pm. I get to drive their Mini Cooper. ^_^ I'm slowly getting more comfortable with driving but I have a long way to go. So for 2 hours I guess he charged my like $80 something.. I don't remember the price since I had to use Ma's card and I just paid her $60 back in cash. Idk how how many lessons that is. The total is $315. I need to call them and ask how that all works. I never write that dude's number down though.. I really should since he's given it to me several times.

I put Nick as one of my references for Pacsun and of course out of the 4 I gave they call him... Haha. So idk what he really said since he's being a brat and being difficult. But they called Max's and I guess John answered the phone and she was asking him about me and according to Justin he was hella talkin me up to her so I owe John big time! Thanks John. <3. Everything is going pretty good right now. Except for Nick..

I sound hella ungreatful, I admit. He really has come kind of a long way from where he was before and how he'd treat me. His temper is way calmer and now I feel like I'm the pissed off angry one who's quick to pop off at the mouth. The tables have turned. I need to stop getting so pissed off at him over the littlest things. It's really scary though, when you feel like the love you're fighting so hard for isn't really what you want. I was talking to Kristine at lunch and Jeff got her a charm bracelet for their 2 months and I've been with Nick for 2 years and I have nothing to show for it. Not that I'm saying I need material things but no card, no nothing.. I feel like I'm begging him to be this better person for me and to love me but am I really letting him? I complain like "Oh Nick you're terrible blah blah" when I have this huge guard up around my heart. I have this "oh I want a boo" mentality but the other half of me is like "fuck dudes." Sometimes I really question if he's the right guy for me. Hey, maybe he is but our relationship is just so fucked up at this point that there's no way to fix things. He's the only person I can see myself with for a really long time but at the same this whole thing just isn't cuttin it for me. Heh, what can you do though? I just don't know..

I need some change. Or something to boost my mood. I really want a haircut and to dye my hair. That's always been a thing for me, dying my hair to make me happy. Even though my hair is WAAY over proccessed, lol. I'm doin myself a got'damn disservice. >.< This was a long blog, felt nice. Toodles.

These are really my favorite flowers, even though Nick thinks they're tulips. Hydrangeas. They're really expensive so I know I'll never get them, but I looove them. Especially in this color. =( Got this pic when I was at Costco, lol.

MY FUTURE DUGGGGY.

It's a scary feeling when you're not sure the love you're fighting so hard for is what you really want.

I don't want to do anything. I don't have the energy or desire to. I have this hollow feeling right in the center of my chest. I don't wanna take a shower, I don't wanna clean my room. I don't wanna do my homework. I just wanna lay at the bottom of the bathtub and stop breathing.

I'm seriously tired of givin a fuck.

Sighh.. It's 6:16 AM. I miss my bubbs. Idk when the next time I'll see him is either. I miss him like crazy.. =( Kawawa ako.

My sentiments exactly.

Nicholas,

sometimes the shit you say and do just has "C'mon Rikki, just PUNCH me in the face" written alll over it. -_-

As much as we fight and as many times as I want to choke him in a day I know I got the best hubbsy in zee whoooole wide world. We've had our ups and many many downs but we've managed to end up back in each other's arms through thick and thin. As much as I complain I don't feel the love and he don't care about me I have to stop being so ignorant because he does.. He wouldn't call me a million times to see if I'm mad or want to work things out. He wouldn't. So I've got to learn to stop being so blind sometimes and say "thanks bubb" for all the wonderful things he's done thus far.

TWAS SUCH A GOOD DAY! NUFF SAID.. ^_^






Till Nick had to go and be a dumbass. Oooooh, big surprise. Whatever.

You wanna ignore my calls? You wanna not talk to me all day? Be my guest. But I'm never comin after you again. Don't call? Fine. I'll gladly let months pass cos I'm tired of chasing after you. You only come after me when it's too late. Not my fault if this whole things just ends.

No matter how much my baby and I fight nonstop, all the time and our fights escalate to levels that they really shouldn't, at the end of the day we always end up back with each other. It's probably not right but we're working on it and we, or at least I, wouldn't trade him for the world. We both know behind all our fights is a whole whole whoole lot of love... Even though it may not always show. <3

Christmas List:

I know it's a month early but heey.. =) And partly because I'm nonchalantly trying to tell someone what I want.



Karmaloop:

1. The Little Mermaid Collection Shark Jaw Ring = $34, size 6
2. The Little Mermaid Collection Toggle Charm Bracelet = $40
3. The G2 Watch (in white) by Flud Watches = $70

Apple:

1. Apple Earphones w/ remote and mic = $29.99

Amazon:

1. Fujifilm Instax Mini 7 Instant Film Camera
2. Fujifilm Instax Mini 25 Instant Film Camera (I want this one more!)

TOMS:

1. Black Glitter = $54, size 7
2. Black Classics = $44, size 7
3. Navy Classics = $44, size 7
4. Red Classics = $44, size 7
5. Ash Grey Classics = $44, size 7



So far that's all I want. TEEHEE.

So Mama just asked me a question and I guess she didn't hear me cos she goes "Oh boy here she goes okay not talking." At that point I didn't bother to say anything in my defense because I'm sick of them jumping off at the first opportunity to get mad at me. So I'll let them keep talking shit and yell at me. I know I did nothing wrong.

Hello dear, can I have your full name? 
Rikkieliz Frances Garzon Dionisio!

Type the alphabet and stop at the letter of the last person you kissed. 
That's too many letters, lol.

Who was the last person you talked to before you went to bed last night? 
Nick. 

Would you consider your parents to be strict? 
Meh, sometimes yes mostly no. 

Have you ever tackled someone to the ground? 
Probably at some point.

What was the last thing you wore that was black? 
Tank top.

Have you kissed anyone with the name starting with a J?
Mhm. 

What happened a year ago in this month? 
Nothing important.

What’s the last thing that went into your mouth? 
Noodles.

When was the last time you laughed really hard that you cried? And why? 
Hell if I remember, but I laugh all the time.

Do you have a mirror in your room? 
My closet.

How about a tv? 
Si.

Would you hug the last person you hugged again? 
My panda? Of course! I'll miss Kuya Jerv if he goes back Sf. =(

Can you be your complete self around the person you like? 
NO! >=( He makes fun of me!!

Do you think you can last in a relationship for 3 months? 
Been there done that.

If someone told you that you were a player, what would you say back?
Haha, not even. I'm seriously like an old married lady.

Where is the one boy and girl you want to see the most right now? 
School and idk where. 

Do you wish someone was with you right now? 
Meh, kinda not really. 

Told your parents you were going somewhere but went somewhere else? 
Duh.

First place you went this morning? 
Bafroom.

What if the last person you texted told you they had feelings for you? 
He does, ;) Hahaha. 

Do you have clothes that are not yours?
I think I've finally returned ALL of Bff's clothes.

Who is the first person you would call if you needed help?
Depends on the situation, but probably my bubbs. Maybe, haha. It really depends though.

Who was the last person to touch your stomach besides you? 
Probably the boy. 

What do you look like right now? 
Dumb, lmao.

Cried recently? 
Last night. I'm a cry baby, hahaha.

Do you find it weird that some people brush their teeth in the shower? 
I do sometimes.

Will you be in a relationship 1 month from right now? 
No no no noo no.

Did you have a valentine for last valentines day? 
No.

Have you gotten close to anyone recently? 
Not really.

Have you ever liked someone older than you? 
Yeah. (No surprise there... LOL)

Finish this sentence… The last person I kissed… 
Is being a douche right now, haha. 

Name something you cannot wait for.
Christmas!

Is the last person you hugged taller than you? 
Mhm.

Miss anyone? 
Lots. 

Who is your last text from? 
Nick.

Do you tend to fall for players? 
I like to call them "friendly." Lol.

Do you think anyone has feelings for you? 
Not really.

Do you have feelings for anyone? 
Lots of love.

When is the next time you will see any of your siblings?
Sometime soon.

Do you like to hold hands? 
Very much so.

Do you have someone of the opposite sex you can tell everything to? 
Yeahp.

Do you want to be single?
I don't really care. I'll find a way to be happy either way.

What are you currently listening to? No Hands - Waka.

Do you wish someone would turn up at your front door right now? 
No cos I'm not at my house, haha.

What were you doing at 12 am last night? 
Sleeping.

What’s in your wallet? 
-Debit card
-Kaiser card/Planned Parenthood Card
-Gym membership
-Cash
-Ridiculous amount of reciepts
-Movie pass
-Senior portrait (I think that's it....)

What is bothering you right now? 
I'm handlin my biddness. That's all I gotta say.

Who’s bed were you last in? 
The munchkin's.

Where is the last person you kissed at this moment?
I have noo idea.

I honestly feel like no guy will ever like me. At least, truly. I think it’ll only go up to a certain extent, and nothing more.




Just a thought.

No one understands how hard things are for me right now. I feel like I'm slowly being pushed below the surface. Any more and I'll probably just succumb. Idk how much longer I can handle this. But I know I have to just keep going even though it sucks doing everything on your own. No one understands.

Had the time of my life with my love bug yesterday! After SATs I headed out to see him. It was actually pretty good. And I saw him for hella hours. <3 We got his Kinect thing, which was actually hecka fun! (I was just being a party pooper) We had fatty food then headed back to the house. We just chilled really. Played Kinect, chilled - really. We didn't do anything, haha. But I had fun. We had our fights of course... But we made up like always. He was in the living room and I felt hella bad just being there so I left. Then he told his Mom on me... Haha. She called me and convinced me to go back. That woman is so great, haha. She saved the whole night cos if she hadn't called Nick who told her I left I wouldn't have gone back and the whole night/relationship would've been ruined.

I just got done grocery shopping w/ Ma and Mom. Now we're speeding trying to get me to work. I'm so tired I can't even fathom I have work till 9pm then studying when I get home. Sigh..

Ooooh I just wanna punch something right now. I'm so tired of this. I got a headache so fucken bad and I'm shaking and hot as fuck. I'm sitting in the backyard for some fucken air but it's not fucken helping. I thought shit was going so well but he proved me wrong again. I know I'm not proving him I'm any different but damn.. I want to tell him I'm sorry and I wanna make up but he's gonna belittle me and treat me like shit when I put my pride aside? No thanks. I'd rather sit here pissed off without him. I'm not gonna waste time on someone who doesn't care. He says it left and right but when (to me) it comes down to the moments I need him to show me he cares most, he of course doesn't. What's a girl to do? Idk how I feel. I always wanna tell him what's on my mind but I know he won't give me the reaction I want.

Today was just soo irritating. Every Thursday my Grandparents take us out to eat and we ALWAYS go to Burger King and they know I HATE Burger King. I never get anything and just sit there. So today when they asked I said I wanted Jolibee and Papa gets hella fucken mad saying it's so far when it's 5 blocks away from fucken Burger King. If that. He bitches and complains so I say nevermind and then he gets even more mad. Ugh. So annoying.. Ma was tryna say "Oh well he was gonna drive there." I'm not gonna fucken go somewhere when he's bitching and complaining about how fucken far it is when we've gone to In-N-Out and it's FARTHER. She even tried saying "We shouldn't gone to In-N-Out." IT'S FAAARTHER. I can't stand being in this house anymooore. I love having my own physical space but I'm so over the yelling. It's constant yelling all the fucken time and it reminds me of when I used to live here and ugh.. I don't wanna go back to that. So now I'm hiding, still, in my room watching Modern Family.

I'm not gonna stoop so low to where I'm having a tantrum about not ever getting presents from you but.. The only two holidays that really matter to me are birthdays and Christmas. I'll even let Valentines Days slide (even though I'm the only person you'd even be getting something for) but we've been doin this for hella long and you've never gotten me anything... I don't need much but I always get you all this stuff. I'm not tryna bring up the past, I'm just trying to point these things out to you for a better future. I get Christmas is a holiday where you get stuff for lots of people but I mean.. I always always get you stuff. Every time I see you it's like you're getting something new. I never ask you to pay for anything because I know you don't have a lot of money, if any at all but still.. You know Christmas is coming up or when my birthday is and you don't think "Okay, I should get something for her." But hey, whatever. I'm done getting you good presents if I never get something in return.

Got hella time to kill before I leave for school. My Mom is gonna come see us today! I miss her. But I'm so glad to be away from her for a little while, not that my Grandparent's house is any better. I look hecka crappy today. I'm dressed nice but my hair is just tied up. I'm so proud of myself. I've been dressing up nice (or at least not in sweats and slippers) this whole year for the most part. Fell asleep pretty early last night since my Bebeh was doing man thing and celebrating. I had the weirdest dream about him last night. x_x I miss him quite a lot. Okay I'm just ranting so toodles.

Christmas present choice #1) $70 Flud Watch 62 Watch in white

With every fight we have I realize how I'm on the wrong more and more. It makes me want to try harder to change how I act so we can work. I feel really bad for being a brat and acting like I didn't change when I'm really trying. Luhhh yah.

I swear.. No matter how bad I fuck up and the stupid mistakes I make (in a day at that) I got the BEST HUBBA IN THE WHOLE ENTIRE WORLD. I really need to shape up. I have to make this work. <3 I love you, ugly. =)

Okay okay, I'm not gonna lie - it feels good to have my baby back.

MY NEW PET TURTLE NAMED ELVIS.

Before: Switching numbers, asking if yes or no to unlimited texting. Adding eachother on Facebook, following eachother on Twitter and Tumblr. Giving eachother butterflies. Collecting as much memories as you can, collecting them in your mind like your skull is some type of jar or some shit. Making sure you won’t let them fly out. Closing it up tightly, make sure you’ll be able to find it once you glare at it. Spending as much time together, because missing eachother hurts so much. Saying “I love you” like the other person can’t understand what “I love you” is. Repeating it like they’re some stupid kid who can’t hear you. Texting, calling, Twittering, Facebooking, Tumblrn, and IM’ing like you both are 3074304 miles away. Introducing eachother to eachother’s homeboys and homegirls, sharing friends, having mutual friends. Buying eachother stuff that’ll remind eachother of eachother. Wishing eachother a happy anniversary every month, or years. Taking care of eachother like y’all some kind of nurse. Waking eachother for school, being eachother’s alarm clocks. Sharing clothes like you can’t afford your own. Driving to places to have cute dates like you get gas for free. Fucking like there’s no tomorrow.

After: Deleting eachother’s numbers, making sure you won’t be able to leave them an “I miss you” text message. Because it’ll make you feel desperate, or like you’re still in love with them, or it’ll make you look small, or no pride, or whatever. Unfollowing eachother on everything. Deleting eachother on Facebook, making sure you won’t be able to check their profile.. Because if another girl replaces your spot, you’ll feel sad and insecure like they’re better or whatever. Trying to forget as much memories, making sure to not go to the places y’all went to, and if you ever do.. You end up finding yourself reminiscing. Then breaking down about everything, wishing things didn’t have to end up the way it did. How things would’ve been better if he/she was there right next to you to hold you as you cry to tell you, “It’s fine, everything will be fine.” Giving back all the things they’ve got for you, burning all the love letters, putting them all in a box. Then now, you have to set your real alarm clock. No energy to do anything, especially school. Because you’re scared you’re gonna see him and end up tearing up, then everyone’s gonna ask you what’s wrong. This and that. Which you don’t wanna deal with. Telling your close friends to not mention their name, because you’ll miss them. La la la.

Then another person comes, same shit happens again. Anything new? Can we like.. Give eachother hopes and like.. I don’t know, trynna make “forever” exist? Or something. Don’t you guys get tired of the same routines? We need something new.

Wore the world's most annoying dress today. Number 1, Obey size Xsmall is hella baggy on me and number 2 the damn thing was hella short and kept riding up. I spent half my day pulling it down. School was boring, econ quiz was moved to tomorrow. Still lightweight nervous about it. I might study for it after I finish this college shit. After school I took a nap till Dyl had karate. Met up with "Gay Magnet" at work and we chilled in the conference room and did homework while my brother was at karate. I gave Kuya A my yam fries. He's like the uncle I never had, haha. I saw Kuya Jerv! He drew a rice cooker on my arm yesterday because he was jealous JR wrote his name on my shoulder. These boys.. Haha. Kuya Jerv is like my big brother. I labs him so much. On the way home Chrissypoo texted me saying he got his car back. YAAY! =) We're supposed to kick it next week since we're both hella busy this week. He misses our car rides. ;) I'm hecka looking forward. I miss him. He's a firefighter in training, yuum. And he's Asian! Haha. Doing this college shit it taking foreeevs.. I need to hop on it. And I need to finish those genetics problems for bio. Ay yi yi..

My other package came in the mail today! My jeans are not the color I anticipated but they're arrite. Work was relatively slow. Went on break with Williamo, Bading, and Rodman at the Pho place. They give bigass bowls. x__x Haha. Rodman and I were having a language barrier but it was still hella funny trying to talk to him. Went back to work to drop off my leftovers for Emilio. JR went on break so when I got there so we went to Valerios to buy bread then we just sat on the benches with Bading and Rodman. "I'm gonna tell your Mom JR is your boyfriend. "Well I am cute.." "....." Haha. I was gonna go to Arjay's apartment with them to drink for his birthday but nahh.. I kinda wanted to but I 'hi-hiya." Idk if I spelt that right but lol. I miss my fucken Bffs duude. When I got there we're having a fucken feast, my treat. I'm super tired but I still have things to accomplish so toodles.

JR finally gave me back my bracelet. And jailbroke my phone. Yaay! I was really excited to go to work yesterday. Work is such a relief for me. I kinda hope it rains today. So I ordered a jacket, shirt, and shoes off Karmaloop and I noticed it was taking hella longer to receive a shipment confirmation so I read the first email they send me and I typed in the wrong shipping address like a retard... So I called and they said they'll try and fix it for me. My other package came in the mail though! I bought a tank top, jeans, dress, and my brand's favorite type of t-shirts - Alternative Apparel burnout tees. I have 4. They're hella worth the money. I want these Jeffery Campbell rainboots cos I have a giftcard that'll cover most of the cost but idk.. We'll see. Work in a few hours, blaaat.. I'm bouta hop in the shower then get my day started.

This guy just won't give up.. I don't wanna talk to you or have anything to do with you. How I'm doing has nothing to do with you. If I wanted you to know how I'm doing I'd tell you. Don't text me, don't call me. I'm not even gonna give you the explanation why because you're not worth my time. Give it up, you're not my friend, you're never gonna be my friend. Go on with your life broski cos I'm doin good without you.

I'm not gonna lie, I still miss you from time to time. I still think about you from time to time. There are times when I get lonely and remember the times we'd just lay and bed together. I miss holding your hand and what your skin felt like. I miss a lot of things. But I remember how wrong you did me and I remember why I cut you out of my life after you left me. I'll admit that sometimes it's hard, especially the days I get lonely and you cross my mind, but it gets easier every day.

Exactly what I've learned from the past two years of my life.

“Won’t catch her up in the club cause she aint into that
Kind of chick that rather rent a flick and get intimate
Say she never fuck with thug niggas, only gentlemen
And yeah that ass is fat but what’s better is her intellect
Other men sweat her when we walk past
Can’t even blame em, I did the same when I saw that ass
Match with the thin waist, brown with a slim face
Love the conversation and the kicks was like a sensai
Now she got me chillin with her all around the clock”

Idk why this guy really texted me.. Lol. He said I hated him; I don't. I just don't wanna have anything to do with him. I don't want him in my life, idk what part of that he doesn't get. I don't benefit from being friends with him so I'm not gonna go there. I've made it this for happy, without him. There's no reason we need to be "friends." Why does he still even have my number? I'm never going to talk to him again so he can just delete it and forget we even talked for dumbass long. I don't want to remember what we had, ever. You do what you do, but it sure won't have nothing to do with him. Just do me a favor and please leave me alone. I'm not going to go out of my way to even text back and explain for the 100th time why I don't want you in my life because it's not worth my time, you're not worth my time. Just leave me the fuck alone.

I gotta keep reminding myself to stay on top of my academic shit. I started my EOP application today. I need to get recommendations from Caldera, Cava, De La Rosa, and Mac. I wanna ask Maestas too so I'll probably email her and ask her if she can. I made some head way on cleaning my room. I hung up most of my going out clothes. All I have left to do is sort the dirty clothes to be washed and clothes I'm donating. I have soo many clothes I'm giving away/selling/donating.

Yesterday it was dead after the lunch rush so all of us ended up breaking at pretty much the same time and I was super tired so I took a nap on the chairs in the conference room and when I woke up I found a blanket (a jacket, but hey lol) and hot cocoa waiting for me. I seriously have the best co-workers ever. They even walked to get me a taco in the rain because I didn't wanna go myself because it was fucken freezing. They seriously make work worthwhile. I don't think I'd like my job as much as I do if it wasn't for my awesome coworkers.

I have a bad headache. I've had it since I woke up from my nap. I think I'll just watch Bad Girls Club reruns till I KO.

I fucken hate when my Mom is in one of her "moods." She takes it out on me and Dyl and just wants the whole fucken world to be miserable with her. It's fucken childish. You're a grown ass MOTHER. I understand that people get mad and stressed or whatever the fuck her problem is but to verbally abuse your children is fucken uncalled for. I'm pretty sure it's because she's "tired" and she had to pick me up from work. Well bitch, if you're so tired then instead of staying up to play videogames like you are, get your ass to bed. Sounds reasonable. JR won't give me back my bracelet. =( It looks better on him which is sad cos it's a girls bracelet... Haha. He said everyone told him it's cute. Well doesn't that make you feel like a fucken bading? Haha. Today was pretty dead. The afternoon up until around 2:00ish was hella fucken busy, then the rest of the day was beeeyond dead. This school week is gonna be hella busy; I've gotten manage my time very well to stay on top of things. Speaking of it, I'm gonna go to bed now.

William's nephew ate at the resturant with his family yesterday and ooooo weee was he fucken SEXY. I kept telling William I thought he was hella cute, haha. We kept smiling at each other like faggets, haha. I'd holla but... HE'S SO SHORT. HE'S LIKE 5'0 NO JOKE. I TOWER OVER THIS NIGGA, LOL. So sad.. But anyways, today I was bar. I had fun...but not cleaning. JR wore my Little Mermaid bracelet all day like a bading. It's gold and teal with a diamond crown, shell, and a picture of Ariel...and he wore it. Haha. My AA skirt and sweater came in the mail today. Yippie! Kuya Jake came here from the Philippines today so we all chilled at the house after I got off work and we fucken feasted! I think I'm gonna finish cleaning my room then sleep because I'm exhausted..

Today was good! Got out at 11:45 then went to La Milpa with Elaine and David to do some much needed catching up with my friends. I love hanging out with them together. They're not all flirty and make you feel third wheel. David and I actually have conversations. We went to Yogurtland after too. It was really nice to spend time with good company for the first time in foreever. I still have a D in bio. (It was so close to a C- but he didn't grade my carb lab and he didn't give me credit for the photosynthesis poster "cos it wasn't in the box) but I'm really trying to bring it up to at least a C before the semester ends. The unit 3 test was today but I don't think I did good. Shocking, -_- Lol. I'm really trying though.. Anywhoo. I'm pleasantly plump so I'm gonna watch Snapped then do my Interactive Reader. Toodles!

I haven't had the time to blog in days. I've been super swamped with school and work that when I have the chance to blog I'm just too tired. Nothing much has happened in the past few days. I really wanna buy a lomography camera (the Fuji white 7s or whatever to be exact *oxymoron, lol) but the film is soo expensive. It costs more than the fucken camera does. So instead I went online shopping for myself, haha. Twas nice to buy myself something for once (BECAUSE NO MORE NICK, YIPPIE!) I don't work on Mondays anymore though.. =( I'm sad. They cut everyone's hours. I really want more money, which would mean a second job, which my family wouldn't let me do. -_- I need to apply for college too! Ugh. I'm herra lagging. Thankfully I applied for the November SATs though! We had a meeting at work today and my Mom wouldn't pick me up and my grandparents aren't talking to me so I had to ask JR to drive me home. But my dumbass didn't house my apartment key so I had to sleep at my Grandparent's house.. Awkward. I'm waiting for them to sleep so I don't have to pass their open door to get to my room but they're wideass awake. Smh.. Anywhoo.. I might just fall asleep on the floor here, ugh.

Happy girl all by myself. It feels kinda nice. =) You really did do me a favor. Chillen at work on my day off since my brother has karate practice, Quickly in hand staring at my eye candy. LIFE IS GOOD! Plus, no homework (minus college apps).

It's so cold. =( At least my chair is hella comfy. I'm on break at the coffee shop. I finished my cellular respiration poster. There's a big ass chocolate circle stain on it thanks to Ace who put my drink on the paper.. He put ice cream and sprinkles in my coffee! ^_^ It didn't taste very good together but it was sweet, haha. I don't wanna go home cos I have the Econ study guide and personal statement rewrite to do. Bwaah.. Almost time to go back. Bye bye.. =(

I'll be completely honest, it feels like someone chewed out a piece of my heart. But it's okay. I'm gonna do me. Go to school, work (I'm never missing a day of work for a nigga again cos they don't pay for shit) and I'm gonna end up with someone better. I told him to get the fuck out of my life. A part of me hates him so much but the rest is so in love with him. But fuck that part. I never wanna speak to him again or ever see his face. I'll bump into him eventually I know, but I'll just walk past him like he doesn't exist. I wasted my two fucken years of my life. I'm just over this. I shoulda listened to everyone from the get go.

Someone's big day is tomorrow! And I wish I could spend time with him, but I cannot.. But he's all mine Saturday and we're gonna have the time of our lives in The City. I'm really excited. <3

If You Really Wanna Know..

You've gotta get the point that you did this to yourself. Just do me the favor and stop bothering me. You had two years to get your shit together and you didn't. And now I'm just fed up with it. I spent damn near two years of my life devoted and faithful to a relationship that wasn't even a relationship to begin with. I spent two years of my life being devoted and faithful to a disrespectful, inconsiderate person.

This last time you convinced me, you really convinced me that things would get better. I swallowed my pride and ignored what my gut was telling me and I let myself start trusting you again. I started giving you the benefit of the doubt. But you blew it..again. The comment itself didn't really make me upset, it was what it represented: my trust, and my stupidity for trusting you. It brought me back to how I felt when I found all those Facebook messages you sent to other girls and all the text messages I'd read. It made me hate you all over again. I'm tired of turning a blind eye to it and sweeping it under the rug like it never happened. Bruh, it happened. Take responsibility for it. If you wanna play, then by all means feel free. But you ain't gonna play me no more. I know what it's like to be treated good and this is definitely not it. My trust with you is at about a -92 and my resentment towards you is at about a 110. I've so over your bullshit and your littleass games. I know I'm not perfect but damn.. You really can't point the finger at me this time. You honestly blew it. You lost your last chance and I'm done with you.

I'm tired of being disrespected. I'm over it. I'm tired of settling for less. I mean no disrespect because maybe this situation will work for another girl but it ain't cuttin it for me and I deserve better. I at least deserve a man who'll leave me enough money in my bank account to fucken buy myself lunch. That was so fucken selfish. That's disgustingly selfish. I couldn't even feed myself. I have a fucken job. I gave up my social life to have a job to be able to buy myself things for myself and do things when I want. But no, you're selfish. I had no problem buying you things here and there but fuck. You can't even leave me enough money to buy myself a goddamn sandwich? I had to ask someone to buy food for me? Do you know how fucken embarassing that is that I can't even apply for college yet because you've used up so much of my money on nonsense bullshit?

You blew it. Just give up. I really can't think of anything you could possibly do to get me to even remotely trust you again. I think you're a complete selfish, direspectful full of shit human being...that I'm in love with. I'm tired of looking like a dumbass and I'm tired of being embarassed and letting you walk all over me. I can't take you seriously and I sure can't take this pathetic situation seriously. I've over it. I don't even care.

I just want you to know that you did it to yourself. After 2 years you and a million chances you still couldn't get your shit together. You're not the "man" I wanna be with. That's a joke.

Smh. Never fuck with a guy who won't even leave you enough money in YOUR own account to buy yourself food. I got work, I'm fucken hungry and I'm very cranky because I have no money. Anywhoo..

I'm in a luhhly mood and I'm not gonna let you ruin it! I don't know why I bothered to call you in the first place. But anyways.. That's a whole nother story and I ain't even tryna make myself all mad by even blogging about it.

Today was a typical Monday - crap, lol. I have a D in AP bio. I'm actually proud of myself, as dumb as that sounds. I have a new study method I'm super excited to try and I'm really confident in myself for this next unit. Plus, he hasn't put in all our labs yet which is three/four of them. Then prefix quiz on Wednesday which I'm hoping is gonna bring my grade up. I'm herra mad too because I have hella borderline grades. SMMH. But I have till December to bring them up. December isn't even that far away! Ahhh! I was hella mad they told me not to come into work. Work is my safe haven. =( Plus I needed the hours cos my paycheck is gonna be hella little this pay period. Fuck. I don't even have the money to pay for my cap and gown for graduation and the shit is due Tuesday. I'm fucken broke. I feel really pathetic. I want a second job. That sounds crazy but I love making money and being able to get myself what I want, when I want (which hasn't happened because.. well, lol. I think we all know why.) I only work Friday-Monday and sometimes I don't even work Mondays which is hella knowing. I'm hella annoyed. My fucken $150 purse broke today too. The little thing you use to make the zipper go from one side to the other broke off. PIECE OF SHIT. I need JR to fix it since he fixed my keys when that happened, haha. I saw Migsy today which was pretty much the only highlight of my day. Oh. I got a court date because apparently I'm a truent. I need to get that shit taken care of. Wtf, I missed one day. Anyways.. I'm gonna work on my forensics Powerpoint. Toodles.

This is the funniest thing I've ever had someone tell me: "You're the sweetest and nicest person I've ever met. When you're not being a mean rude bitch or complaining."




So true. So so true. Haha.

Just some things I wanna say to some people:

- I work so much and I can never go down there to see you. It makes me sad. I haven't seen you since what? July 4th? That's hella gay. We're missing out on so much of each other's life.
- Thanks for always being my shoulder to lean on and be there when I got prollems with the boy. I miss our adventures too. If it wasn't for that faithful day a year ago we would never be friends. I consider you one of my best friends.
- You gotta chill once and awhile. I know I'm to blame for a lot of your stress and I'm sorry. I don't want you to hate me one day..
- You're gay. Just admit it. We're all gonna love you the same.
- I wish we could take this somewhere.
- I'm not even gonna lie, I wish you and my Mom stayed together.
- I miss you sometimes.
- I'm confused right now and I don't think I'll ever come to a decision. Maybe you'll have to make it for me. I kinda wish you would..

That's the plan and I'm stickin to it.

I hope we all go up to the City again soon! My coworkers are seriously my only friends now. -_- I wanna get all purrty and just kick it and have a good time. I miss going out and just chillen. Work and school are such a fucken routine. I can't wait to graduate and have my license. I love being at work though. My favorite place to be. Anywhoo.. I have $62 to my name. It's really embarassing. Well, not really because all my money pretty much went to a good cause. I bought my Mom's/brother's/Nick's birthday presents. I also paid for my Mom's cake. Among other things I do need to eat so I buy myself food. But other than that all my money goes to Nick, who I really don't think appreciates he gets free reign over my bank account. It's like, I work hard for my money. It's hard to juggle school and work and keep on top of them both but I do it. I never get to go shopping because it's get my bills/important shit paid for first, then luxuries. But when I get to the point where I can/should be buying myself things I don't spend that money on myself. It all goes to him. I didn't know it was that hard to kick down $6 for some McDonalds but apparently it is. Even when he had a job he never paid for anything. But I'll just stop bitching now. Back to homeworking.

Today is gonna be a loong day. Gotta be at work by 9:00 to get ready for the President! It's such an honor. I'm hecka nervous though. What if I do something wrong?! Ate Lala would fire me on the spot. x__x Hella people are butthurt they weren't picked to work with the President. I guess I would be too. But it's based on how well you perform your job, duh.

I saw my baby yeterday! We got into like, the biggest fight ever. But we made up (thank you Jesus!) I know I gotta stop being so bitchy and complaining all the time. It's just part of who I am but I know he gets the brunt of it. Poor guy, haha. He helped m try to find a skirt for today, which was a fail. But it was nice he tagged along with me. He got me Fresh Choice to-go! Nom Nom nom! It was my first meal all day. Mm. No work tomorrow for my Mom's birthday. Then no work next Saturday so I can spend time with my love for his birthday. Welp, time to go! I'm so exhausted..

Idk how I feel..

You've managed to make the past week completely miserable for me. Everyday I've wanted to just call of quits and forget about you. You just don't get it. It's a waste of my time to even try to explain how I feel because obviously, according to how you acted yesterday, you're completely incapable of listening to me and taking my feelings seriously. All you do is ignore me and talk to me when it's convenient for you. All you've been doing is pissing me off to the point I just wanna fucken punch you in the mouth and scream and cry. I hate feeling like this. You try and sweet talk your way out of everything and when that doesn't work you just cuss me out. You're constantly ruining my whole day. You're acting exactly like you did before and I'm not havin it. I have a migraine everyday thanks to you and I spend the whole day feeling like complete shit. I'd rather have you out of my fucken life than feel like this. I can't fucken take it.

Some days I don't even wanna bother anymore. I don't wanna see you, deal with you, talk to you. I just wanna forget we're even talking.

NEVER BUY YOUR MAN AN XBOX. THEY WILL IGNORE YOU.

Smh. >=( *major pout

Proud of myself. I, all by myself, did the only good garlic root tip slide in bio today. =) I have a fucken econ test tomorrow and I haven't read ANY of the chapters or done the study guides. That's what Kumar's been for, haha. I'm fucked. I'll study a little tonight and tomorrow before class. I'm doing the stupid personal statement thing for english. I wanna finish it by 9:00pm so I can sleep early. I'm happy I didn't have work today. I could rest, even though I miss work. =/ Lol. I finally finished my box for photo. Our serial killer for forensics is John Wayne Gacy, which is actually pretty boring. I wanted the guy who got off to sheep. Hahah. I was talking to Jenny today about how I seriously like, have no friends. I mean, I know a lot of people but I don't hang out with them/kick it like we're coo or anything. That doesn't bother me any cos I know just a few more months and I'll be done with high school and I'll make a bunch of new friends and how I know now really won't matter. I barely get to talk to my Bffls (WHO I MISS A WHOLE FUCKEN LOT) but I know they're my friends regardless. They're really my only friends. I consider the people I work with more my friends than anyone I actually go to school with. But anywhoo, it's okay cos I'm out soon! Got my cap and gown packet thingy today. Everyday I'm there is one step closer to grdaduating. Welp, I finished my personal statement. Relax time.

Yaawn.. I'm so tired. Yesterday I worked the 3-9:30pm shift. It was fucken DEAD. For a good hour there was no one in the restaurant. JR brought me coffee cos I told him to. Cheea, haha. I was a waitress yesterday even though I only had like, 10 tables the whole day haha. I'm kinda excited for this Saturday. I'm a chosen one, haha. My Mom's birthday is in 3 days and my brother's is in 9. He's so old now. Okay, I planned on saying more but it's time for school!

Dear blog, I've neglected you a lot lately. I just got home from work and I have tons of AP bio homework to do. I should do it but I'll blog first. I haven't been able to just talk and let stuff out. There's always something to be done. If I'm not at school or doing something school related (homework, typically) then I'm at work. That takes up 97% of my time and energy. The other 3% I'm doing something that is still a necessity, in reality. Like taking my permit test/practicing driving, etc etc. I never get time to just be alone, to think and to just rest. I miss silence. I always hear SOMETHING whether it's birds or the sound of my typing - whatever, it's still noise. I miss seeing my friends and going out. When I have free time I spend it with my love. It's my way of just relaxing and getting away from all the work I have to do. He's like my vacation. =) Haha, gay.. But that's how it is (now that we're good, yes!) Just laying down in bed with him in my favorite. I could just lay there for days. He's really the only person that knows what's going on in my life cos that's who I talk to, even though I don't really tell him a lot. I don't wanna overload him with me me me. But I'm thankful that he listens to begin with (except right now when I really wanna talk!!!!! Lol.)

Work was super annoying today, idk why. I've been super annoyed and bitchy the past two days. Maybe it's cos of my rag but fuuuck. Mr. Mac came to the resturant today! Emma is shooo cute. Oh! And Nickaloo came too! His family is so nice. His Mom called me hardworking. =) Haha. I never knew how hard it would be to balance everything that's going on. Above anything else, I really miss my Bubs. Even though I just saw him on Thursday, it feels like I haven't seen him in so long. Sometimes the weeks, and lately we do go weeks without seeing each other, go by really fast but right now I really really miss him.. Maybe this is my period talking, lol, but still. I wanna hug him really hard right now. His birthday is coming up, yaay! Even though he got his present already. -_- It made me laugh. He took a picture of the Xbox I bought him, with the iPhone I bought him. Lolol, idk why that made me laugh. But anywhoo.. I should get on that AP bio homework I have. I just wanna sleep. BUT SLEEP IS FOR LOSERS.

I haven't blogged in awhile. I just haven't had time and when I do I'm too lazy to turn on my computer, haha. I'm having pasta, salad, and garlic bread for dinner. Yuuums. =) I'm taking my permit test tomorrow.. AND I GET TO SEE MY BABY. I MISS HIM SO MUCH! Other than that, so far I really have nothing to say. Toodles for now. Lol.

I'm watching Tyra and she did some survey and 78% of teens drink before they have sex. Who does that? Lol. Like, everytime you're gonna have sex you drink? You shouldn't have to drink to have sex with someone. I sure don't think I have to. You sjhhould only do it with someone you actually care about so I shouldn't have to drink to have to have sex. That's hella retarded, haha.

I knew this shit was too good to be true, hah.

Maybe I'm being a little ungreatful. You really have made some noticeable, admirable differences lately. I can't let you think I don't notice. You seem to really be trying and making an effort. We can talk through things now, and your temper, at least tonight, was in control and you let me be a pouty, cranky, whiney girl. I guess if you didn't luhh me you wouldn't do all that.. =) I just wanna tell you thanks, babebess. Idk what I'd do without ya.

I shouldn't hate saying "I love you" to the person I'm in love with. Sounds pretty fucken stupid to me but OKAY.

The past few days have really been some downers for me. I thought on Friday going to work would make me happy but I just got even more annoyed and shit. Today was just as bad pretty much. I wish I had someone I could just vent to about stuff. Like at the end of the day I wanna be able to just talk to someone. I don't even feel like blogging anymore. *sigh..

"I guess" things between me and Nick are "getting better." I guess. I don't really know. I don't really believe he's forreal because he's told me about 8,000 times that "this time he is really gonna change." Yup, I believe you. But I guess I won't know unless I actually stick with him. But I dunno..

I'm pretty sure it's time for a haircut. Not because it's long, but because I got major split ends. -_-I wanna dye my hair carmel colored. =O I'm tired of the red. I need to get my brows and nails did too. I miss feeling pretty. Lmao. Cos lately I've just not cared, more than usual. I've started to procrastinate already.. I need to catch myself. This is not condusive behavior. I really, really wanna go to Cal Acad of Sciences. =( =( But my package comes in the mail tomorrow!! Yee! I felt like I had a lot more to blog about. I did actually, but I forgot. Oh well. Toodles.

Someone HELLA killed my play today. THANKS. LOL. I hella didn't even know how to do damage control. -_- Thanks a lot, thanks. But today was hella funny. I was cracking eggs with JR and the whites were going in the trash and the yolks in this big container and my dumbass goes "Which part are we using for the leche flan?" and he just stared at me. It was hella funny. I think I'm getting sick though. I have a cough. On Saturday I had hella cough drops and took some of Hans' Robutussin. I love work. So much good company. I got a screen protector for my phone and since it came with three I gave one to Mr. Excited (aka Kuya Ed) and then JR...who put mine on so ugly. Well, I mean it's good but there are two really small spots along the edge that have specks under them. I have lot of stuff to get together for school tomorrow but I'm super lazy so I'll do it in the morning. Toodles!

Sometimes I do stuff that I know is gonna annoy you. I'm immature, oooh. HA. You're dumb.

Thanks for making my night, even if it wasn't for long. =)

Okay, done feeling sorry for my love life. Lmao.

I want someone who can make me proud to call him my man.

There are some days where I wish I had a normal person in my life and a normal relationship like everyone else. I know there's always a story behind couples and they aren't always as happy as they seem, but their situation is forsure 10,000 times better than mine. I know I seem ungreatful but.. I can't decide whether or not this is really worth it. I'm tired of being one of a many and I've said that so many times I've lost track. But I put myself in the situation to let someone treat me like that. What really bums me out is that I have someone in my life that I love so much and he doesn't do me right. It's just so complicated. One minute I'm on top of the world, but the other 99% of the time it's just "meh.." I don't need some to make my heart skip a beat every ten fucken seconds. I just want some to be..fuck. I don't even know. Apparently asking for someone who is sweet, and loving, and caring, and understanding, and respectful, and supportive of me is asking for waay too much. And the thing is with you, you are those things. Just not with me. Can't make something happen that isn't there, I guess.



I'm so happy I have work tomorrow. Once school is over, I can escape from having to remember how I really feel inside.

Depostied my check yesterday. When I went there it was super dead and everyone was on break. Checks now are lookin to be typically in the $400-$500 range. Probably no more than $500, but I'm not complaining. I'm just happy to have a job. Bought Mommy's birthday present last night. Cost me $200, but it's okay. It's for my Mommsy. Got her a blu-ray player. I'm so excited to give it to her! Haha. But her birthday isn't for 23 days. Then I went shopping for myself since I gave away/donated/threw out 3 garbage bags of clothes. I never wore them or just outgrew them and let them sit in my closet so my Mom wouldn't be mad I was getting rid of them but it just got to be annoying having them cluttering my room so I just tossed em. I got another Alternative Appearal vneck, these hella cute black leggings with bows on the back, grey cardigany sweater thing, a skirt, and a bigass hobo bag. It's soo cute. No more shopping till after October. Important birthdays coming up +I don't wanna spend all my fucken money, haha. All of that only cost me less than $200. Kristine gave me $130 to buy stuff for her online so I also bought myself a Mikey Mouse sweater thing. It was only $19. =) No more spending, Rikki! Haha. Okay, Papa made me lunch so I'm gonna eat nao. Toodles.

The kind of love I'm tired of:

Taking turns hurting each other, back and forth blaming, ignored phone calls and problems swept under the carpet type “love”, take for granted, have your cake and eat it too type “love”, rub it in your face I’m-better-without-you type “love”. Too much pride to tell each other I love you, I’m sorry, and I’m wrong type “love”.

First time I feel better after a fight. Thanks to my babes for making me feel better when he probably didn't even know he was doing it.

This is one of the reasons I'm so happy I have a job. When I'm sad I don't have to deal with how I feel. I just go to work and it keeps me busy. I wouldn't trade my job for anything in the world because it keeps me sane. I love what I do and it's the one thing that I can go to and it won't hurt my feelings or break my heart or call me names. I don't have to think about what's bothering me when I'm working because I'm so busy and when I do get the chance to finally remember what's bothering me, I'm too tired or drained to deal with it and I just push it to the back of my mind. It's the one relationship in my life that doesn't make me feel like a piece of shit. I can go to it and know I'll enjoy being with it. I don't ever wanna stop working because then I have time to remember how much you hurt me. Work doesn't do that to me. It doesn't hurt my feelings. I wouldn't trade my job for you because you're gonna keep hurting me and doin my dirty. My job, won't do that to me.

Thank god I get paid tomorrow cos I have $120 in my account.. -_- Got new shoes for work. They cost $66!!! But they're hella durable and comfy so it's worth the money. I have such a hectic week at school. I have a D in AP bio because I didn't do 1 assignment. I hope I do at least decent on the unit test Wednesday then. Aghh.. Anywhoo.. I should really stop blogging and get to homeworking, even though I wanna keep blogging.

I have chapter 6 objectives (22 questions) due for bio on Tuesday, transcribed lab report (that muthafucker is LONG) also due Tuesday as well as like 60 something pages of notes due for english on Tuesday... and there are 2 quizzes and a unit test squeezed into there as well. School is so busy, but I wouldn't be so busy if I wasn't working. I wouldn't trade work for anything though. I can handle work and school fine but that's all that I do. I go to school 5 days a week and I work 4 days a week. I really wanna get a Saturday off but Ma'am really wants me there on weekends (I can tell) so I'm afraid to ask.. =/ She said she really appreciates me and that I'm an asset to the company. I felt really proud. I love working. I'd rather work than go to school (for right now anyways since I don't care about what I'm learning, lol). Everyone is like "you have your whole life to work." I understand that but I love making my own money and the feeling I get at the end of the day knowing I accomplished so much. I feel like I'm not showing my other relationships enough effort though. Like to my Bubbs.. =( As much as we fight and shit like that I still miss him tremendously and wanna see him but I work 11am-9pm on the weekends.. =/ *sigh.. But if I didn't work who would support his lavish lifestyle? Hahah. Joooke. It's really hard to balance all this without a car. I just keep telling myself if we can make it through this last year of high school we're good to fucken go cos I'll have my car AND own place when I graduate. Ay nako.. 9 more months though. -_-

The picture is super distorted but it's a choco mocha something or other from Coffee Adventure. Coffee shop guy stays hookin it up for me! He even taught me how to drive, kinda.. Haha.

I'm honestly caught between loving you and leaving you. It's probably the hardest decision I've had to make in my life so far. I love you with all my heart. I'd take a bullet for you and you know that. But I'm not getting the things I want and need, and that's what's making me so unhappy. Yeah of course you make me happy but you're not acting the way I need you to I guess. I don't wanna change you, I just want you to become a better person. It really bothers me that you can't even do little things for me. I wish you'd open doors for me, I wish you'd listen to me when I had a bad day and just let me complain (and actually care I had a bad day), I wish you'd try and cheer me up when I'm sad or upset. I wanna be able to call you or text you with whatever is on my mind or whatever I feel like saying whenever without you being like "Wtf?" I can do that with everyone else, but not you.. It's weird because you're one of the most important people in my life and I should be able to do all that stuff with you but I just can't. I wish I could just be open and myself with you but I feel like you look down on me when I try to be. With you, I feel like I have to be somebody. It's like who I am isn't good enough. I wanna be able to be mature, childish, fun, an retard, angry, stupid, irritating, lovable, annoying, a pain in the ass, and everything else I can be and you'll look at me and love me all the same. I hate that when we're mad we resort to saying these low blow kinda things that we really don't mean.. Or at least that I don't mean. I don't hate you. But there are times that I do think you're selfish and inconsiderate. You just don't understand and it sucks.. I feel stuck. I wanna know that I'm appreciated too. I want you to really show me that what I do for you, you recognize. I bend over backwards for you. I put your needs in front of mine. I make sure you're taken care of. When you need something you know for a fact I'll get it done for you. I don't think I ask for much in return. I don't expect these expensive presents or fancy dinners or any of that. A card, some flowers, food, SOMETHING that shows me that you're aware of the things I do for you. Take me somewhere that I wanna go. I don't even bother explaining this shit to you because 1) it'll be a waste of my time and breath because you won't even do it or you'll just get mad at me for bringing it up and 2) I'll just be disappointed because I already know you won't do it. I don't expect you to do anything for me because you've already shown me you won't do it for me and I'm not worth doing it for. If you really wanted to show me I was appreciated you would've shown me. If you think about it you're aware that you need to show me that you appreciate me but the fact that you don't follow through with it confirms the fact that I wasn't worth the time of doing so. You really could give a fuck and that sucks because I'm stupid enough to continue you giving you as much as I can. Anyways.. this is making me sad. I guess I'll just end it here.

I just wanted to be at peace with you. And if I gotta settle for a piece of you, then I gotta say peace to you.

That's exactly how I feel.

Thanks for reminding me why I never call you. Everytime I do, I regret it.

Much hasn't happened since I last blog. I hate that I'm neglecting my blog. But I decided to blog before I started straightening my hair. I did two chapters of bio. Now I just need to study prefix list and photo worksheets for the quiz tomorrow and I should be good for tonight. I feel so proud of myself. I'm staying on top of my shit this year, so far. I need to come up with a tshirt design for AP bio though. Since he's giving us points for the fucken thing. -_- Chrisermen came into the resturant a couple days ago and applied for a job. I was all "You look really fucken familiar" in my head then when I was skimming the application I was all "YEAH!! THAT'S WHO!" Haha. Junard was all "He's cute." Junard is so gay, literally. Haha. Went and got chicken from the resturant from the resturant yesterday and Ma'am gave me free 18 piece lumpia. ^_^ Gonna get paid the end of the month and I'm putting most of my check in my savings along with my tips. Gotta start saving for shit. But thankfully I'll have like, two (maybe three, depending on my timing) paychecks in my savings before I need to use it.

Everyone but you seems to take the time out of their day to talk to me but you. Tonton texted me this morning to say goodmorning and to tell me to have a good day. I thought that was hecka sweet. I don't need you to do that shit for me every day but it'd be nice once and awhile. I want some type of attention/affection. But I'm not gonna bother nagging you about anything anymore. Most of me has given up a long time ago, sadly.. And you haven't done anything to make me think this is worth it in the end. It was funny when I was talking to Josh he told me I needed someone who treats me right and gives me what I need. In my head I thought "Hahaha.. That's funny cos your very own friend doesn't even do that to/for me." And today you told me you wish you had the money to take me places. That meant something to me but then I thought "But you don't even try to take me places." To me, it's the effort and the thought that counts. But you don't do either of those. I feel like I complain all the fucken time but I'm not gonna settle for someone that doesn't even do the bare minimum for me when I'm giving them all I got. I can say though, I'm starting to drift away. I kinda feel like I'm just here and I'm not "in" it. It's hypocritical of me to tell you to try harder but I'm feeling like I'm letting go but you never tried, you never did anything to try and be a better person for me. Why should I keep on giving you my all when you don't necessarily deserve my effort? It's not fair that I continue to give this everything I've got when you couldn't care less. It's always this "I do care" bullshit but HOW do you show me you care? You don't. So why in the hell would I ever believe you? I'm not trying to change or be a better person anymore because I have no reason to be. I'm not gonna be a better person for someone who won't be a better person for me. It's only fair. I'm not bitching, I'm not mad, I'm just sayin.

Anywhoo, it's Thang's 18th birthday today. What a tripppp. I've known this guy for 6 years. It's funny to look back on what we had and where we are now. We don't even talk. And on the rare occasions that I did hit you up to catch up it was hella fucken awkward. I remember when you were willing to do anything and everything for me and now, you are just a distant memory tucked away somewhere in my mind that only comes out on days like this (your birthday). I just wanna wish you a happy birthday big boy and I hope life's been treating you well. My life has been great without you, I hope yours has been too.

Got free cream puffs at the place...AGAIN. Cos they luhh'me. Haha. I stick them in the fridge planning to eat them later, I got back that night and there is TWO LEFT. I CAME WITH SIX. WHO ATE THEM?! Haha. Brought home chicken sisis, dinuguan, canton, and rice. Had that for dinner and gonna bring that for lunch tomorrow. What else happened.. Nothing too major, it's pretty much been the same. I have tomorrow off since Wennie wanted to switch this week so she could see Marjun. So I work Wednesday. I still have to go there tomorrow to pick up fucken Hans' cologne and sunglasses. COULDN'T HE HAVE ASKED SOMEONE ELSE?! -_- Finished up bio homework and I am soo tired. I'm like super cracked out on sugar right now though. I can't sleep!! So I'm up helping Hans try to get at these girls. Cos I'm gay, haha. Anywhoo.. Too lazy to go into any detail right now so I will tomorrow. Toodles.

It's funny how I know I should be treated, but I sit here settling for less. I know it's my decision to stick around but.. Idk. It's funny too how my friends are gentlemen and they do more gentlemen-y things for me than you've done ever. They won't dare not open a door and let me work first, they offer to do things for me, etc. I feel like I'm naggy as fuck with you. Why don't you ever try to do nice things for me for once? But I guess, why do you need to? I'm not your girlfriend. You don't need to be cute, or nice, or spontaneous. It really pisses me off that for my birthday YOU couldn't even call me. You couldn't get me a fucken card. You couldn't take me out to dinner. None of that. When I got brownies, balloons, flowers, and cake from everyone else. I don't think it cost more than $5 to get me a card and bake me some brownies. It's like everyone but you thinks about me. I shouldn't have to bug you about this kinda stuff, especially for a year and a half. Would YOU ever surprise me and get me a white chocolate mocha frap with soy? Do you even remember I can't drink milk? Didn't think so. I hate feeling like I need to go elsewhere to get attention and affection. I feel guilty that I feel that way but you don't bother to try and satisfy my needs. I shouldn't compare but I catch myself doing so. "Oh, Nick doesn't doesn't do that for me.." I get it, you're not my boyfriend but if we're gonna keep this whatever the fuck this thing is going, then you gotta step it up or you're gonna get to steppin. If you wanna leave I won't stop you. As much as it'll hurt and I'll be heartbroken, you didn't even do the bare minimum for me. You do nothing for me emotionally except hurt me. I wanna feel cared about. Be affectionate, be cute, be something.. Hold my hand once and awhile, kiss me, hug me, something!! I'm done asking you. If you won't do it then you won't do it. I've reminded you enough times. Eventually I'll just get to my breaking point. I want someone who'll recognize my needs and who'll do something about them. I want someone who wants me. I'm done with the chase. It's old and quite frankly not worth it. I wanna know why I'm still here after so long and all that shit I've felt.

I'm so excited to go back to work tomorrow. It's been too long.

Dear You,

I hate seeing you having to deal with stuff like that. I wish I could comfort you better than I do. I feel like you expect me to comfort you/be there for you better than I do and you're disappointed when I don't deliver. Just know I'm here for you all the time and I love you lots.

I miss talking to you. I mean conversation - casual and meaningful. I miss the random late night phone calls where you were like half asleep where I felt like I could about anything and everything with you. But as time as gone on I feel like we never have good, real conversations. I feel like conversations are just regular conversations I could have with just anyone. I'm not asking for these deep conversations with you every night but you're the only person I actually feel comfortable mouth to share my really deep with but whenever do I get to have a good convo with you? But you don't owe me that so I'll just go find someone else to talk to.

All in all today was great. Thanks a bunch, Nick. I have a huuge headache + I'm blogging on my phone so I'm gonna cut it short. Today was luhhly though. All thanks to my sweet!

In pretty sure it's Nick's life mission to just make my life fucken suck. It's always "dumbass bitch" this and "fuck you" that. I know that's how it's been since day one but I'm so fed up with it. I don't wanna deal with it anymore. I don't need someone who's gonna treat me like that. He doesn't get it and he never will. When do we ever spend time together and we don't argue? Never. We fight every day. He treats me like shit everyday. I want someone who treats me right and respects me. Nick could give two shits. I really wish I had work today.

I'm kinda bummed they gave me a day off, lol. I wanted to work today. Maybe they'll still let me come in.. My shift was supposed to be 3:30-9:30 anyways. The past few days have been good (at work anyways). JR brought me Starbucks two days ago. WITH SOY. Haha. "Why do you eat so many cream puffs if you're lactose intolerant...." I'm gonna miss those cream puffs. I get some everyday. And the red velvet cupcakes. =( I should go drop off my intent to work paper thing so it clears by Friday but I'm too lazy.. I finally got my package that came in a week ago... The beanie doesn't fit right, it's HELLA big. Waste of $15 but whatever. Got paid yesterday! Checks gonna clear tomorrow and my bank account is gonna be lookin lovely. Plus all the money I have in cash, =) I need to even out my nails before I go back to school. I'm not looking forward to it. I'm not excited but I'm not not excited. I just want to get this year over with so I can fucken move already. I hope when I move to SF they let me transfer to the Max's location in South City. That'd be awesome!

I'm so bored I'm gonna smother myself! Work was bueno as usual. Only worked 5-10pm today. Had Jade China for lunch then grabbed Starbucks and Beard Papas before work. I'm soo bored right now. I even got so bored I called Nick.... I was that desperate for human contact, haha. He didn't answer, which was no fucken surprise. Who knows what he's up to. I need someone to talk to!! Haha. I'm dying here. Someone stopped answering my texts, smh. My package came in the mail, FINALLY. I wanna go shopping before I go back to school but I work. All the fucken time. But hey, no complaints there. I'm blogging on my phone so I'm too lazy to go into detail about anything else. This killed time. Toodles!

Work was hella funny. It was suuper slow all day. I got there early like I always do and it was empty. The tables weren't set so I knew there weren't any other people there. It was 11:00 and still no one was there! I was freaking out cos there were people croweded outside. I called Kristine for help, haha. So she came in early for me, thank goodness. It was hella slow all day though. I wanted to mop the front so bad, it was so important to me. Haha. Then after searching for the mop for like 2 hours I finally see JR with the mop... Then he starts mopping the front. I was laughing hysterically with Kristine for idk why but I started crying cos I was laughing so hard. It was one of those you had to be there moments. IT WAS SO FUCKEN FUNNY.. HAHA. Idk, but today was coo. School in 7 days. 5-10pm tomorrow. Bwaaah!

I'd seriously rather not talk to you than have a 4 minute conversation where you're not half interested in talking to me. Don't answer then. I didn't wanna text you, that's why I called you. BUT DOES IT EVER MATTER WHAT I WANT? EVER? No. So what the fuck ever. And don't fucken ask me why I'm mad because YOU DON'T CARE. You're just gonna get pissed off and talk all this shit to me for being mad at you. I'D RATHER NOT GO THERE.

I have no problem giving you money when you need it. But I do it so you have money for living expenses, not to spend it on nonsense things. I give it to you for nessecities like gas and food, not ONE pair of shoes. I did it so you'd be over your limit and you'd have money. But now, idk. It annoys me that I gave you that money and you spent it on one pair of shoes. But whatever.

Happy birthday to my Tito Rob! My favorite uncle in the whole wide world.

I think I'm like the only person who woke up an hour before senior portraits and didn't do my hair/make-up. Yeah, that's how much I care. Haha.

Nothing really exciting about being a senior except I'm almost fucken done with high school. Fuck you high school! <^> Muahah.

11-8pm today. For a Saturday it wasn't too busy. I was cashier most of the day. The police came to eat at the resturant today. It was funny cos they were standing out there before we opened and I waved from inside, hahah. I got a sticker! DD from the coffee shop gave me a free cupcake. Napa ka sweet naman. I love gay people, haha. Missed the birthday party today but it was okay. I brought home lechon kawali and chicken for Mama, Papa, and Tito cos they didn't really eat. Another 11-8pm tomorrow. Gonna deposit all my tips into the bank on Monday probably. I'm tired, time for bed.