Don't know whether I wanna be mad or sad. I think I'll choose mad.

So it went just like how I anticipated. We barely spoke, I was annoyed, we had sex, he took money, and within 30 seconds he dipped. Is that anything new though? He butters me up, gets what he wants, then leaves. Seriously, I'm putting my fucken pants on WHILE he's turning on the engine. Seriously, what's new? I'm here when he wants something. It apparently was my fault that we didn't start talking until the very end. Wtf do you expect? First of all, two weeks ago you made it VERY clear to me that you had no intention of this relationship going anywhere, so why do you bother tryna kick it? Because you waaant something. And I'm dumb and I give in. It's not that I don't want to do things for you and give you things, but that's what I wanna do. What I wanna do and what the right thing is to do is completely different. Wtf am I to you that you can come in and out of my life and treat me the way you do and still get whatever the fuck you want? This rollercoaster situation we got here just isn't working for me. It must be great for you, but it most definitely doesn't work for me. For me, when I'm with you, everything is momentary. I don't invest my emotions in it; I don't think the time we spend together means anything in the future or for the future. Nothing will ever come of it. We hang out, we hook up, you get whatever you want from me, we argue, you leave, then the whole thing repeats. If you know I'm so unhappy and you see an obvious distance then do something about it if you really cared. But you don't. You'll "try" but that isn't much. I keep my guard up around you because you are so inconsistent. I'm not gonna love you then you disappear for days on end doing God knows what with who, then you come around again a few weeks later (when you need something of course) then I wanna make the best of the time we're spending so I love you like nothing is bothering me, then it's like.. whatever. It's the same stupidass repetative cycle. Why the hell did you ask me "Was it not good?" DOES THAT MATTER? NOT REALLY. I would've much rather spent 30 minutes talking to you than doing that. But you don't wanna sit in the parking lot like an idiot talking. You'd much rather sit in a parking lot doing that. I fucken guess. Idk if I'm more mad, annoyed, or fed up right now. Fuck. I don't even care. Why should I when you don't? I'm around when you want me to be, when you need something, when it's convenient for you. I know it and you just don't wanna admit it because you don't wanna lose someone who'll give you whatever you when you want. FUCK. I'm so over this. I'm dumb and now I'm just in a badass mood and my night is pretty much gone.

What REALLY got me was when I go "You butter me up." and he says "Well yeah how else would I get the money? It's not like you would give it to me." SEE, ALL THAT MATTERS TO YOU IS MONEY. MY money. Don't give a fuck about anything else that has to do with me other than my fucken money. Whatever. WHATEVER. I'm a dumbass. Whatever..