I woke up with the most clogged nose ever. Last night I went to bed with the worst headache ever, too. I woke up 4:50am as usual and finished homework and got ready. Now I have nadada to do. Boooy, was last night drama...
I hope I can prove to you that you do matter to me. You more than matter to me. Idk how to describe how much you mean to me. I'm sorry I said shit I didn't mean. But my blog, my feelings. Not everything I say on here is 100% truth. I hope what I said doesn't make you doubt me and how I feel about you because I love you all the same. I understand I've got some.."issues" I need to work out (I guess lol). But I understand where you're coming from when you say I throw tantrums/little bitch fit things and I know that doesn't exactly help. But that's something I need to work on and try and stop doing because that doesn't help. But habits are hard to break, you of all people should know that. But how many times have you said shit to me that you didn't mean? And you've said it directly to my face. Do you remember when you said "I wish I never met you." Remember that? Do you remember when you said "I don't give a fuck. Leave. I don't need you." Do you remember when you said "I need you." Do you remember all that? You need to understand that people get worked up and emotions can get the best of us sometimes and things come out that aren't always true. You should be the most understanding person in the world when it comes to this. If I were you I'd be upset by what was said too, but you can't let it make or break what we have or let it change your mind. Just please, let me make it up to you. People make mistakes. Things aren't always gonna be good. I made a mistake and I wish I would've just kept my mouth shut but I didn't. What the hell am I suppoesd to do? What's done is done. Let me just please make it up to you. I put my pride aside last night and begged, Nick I BEGGED you not to leave me. I begged because I made a mistake and you shouldn't let one mistake like that completely change your mind about things. (Or did you always think like that..? I don't know.) But whatever it is, let me change your mind. Let me make it better. Whether or not we work out, although I hope to God we do, I need to make myself a better person when it comes to how I act in relationships you know? I know how I act isn't the smartest, best, or most mature way to act. And you're the last person I'm willing to lose over my stupid shit. But you need to forgive me because you've made mistakes, pleeently. You've lied to me. You've hid shit from me and I learned to let it go. So I'd hope, after all we've been through and all I've done for you that you'd forgive me.
You make me happy. It's just sometimes what goes on in our relationship doesn't make me happy. But that's kinda what's supposed to happen. You can't be happy all the time. I don't want to say I need you in my life, but I really really really do want you in it. It'd be a hella of a lot better if you were in it. We've got a lot of figuring out to do and it'll take some getting used to to really be comfy in our little situation here but just give it time, give me time, and be patient. I try to be as accomodating and understanding as I can, and I'm not always be best for you. But I try. It takes me awhile to catch myself on how I act but by the time I do it's like you've already made up your mind about things and you didn't even give me the chance to fix things. And right now please, babe I'm really begging you to just get over it. That seems kinda mean but it's true. You've just gotta forgive me, forget about it, and move forward because you know I love you and I'd do whatever it takes to make sure we're happy together because I want you in my life more than any other person. You owe me this one. ;)
I just can't wait to see you Saturday (if we make it to Saturday. I'll make sure I keep my mouth shut!) and have a good time, no fussin no fightin beacuse I miss you like crazy.
I have tantrums and bitch fits and I act like a psycho crazy bitch who say shit she doesn't mean sometimes, but at the end of the day I would NEVER want you out of my life. Ever ever ever. Ever.
<3
Toodles, time for school..
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