Sometimes I get so jealous of Mymy and Thaison. =( I love Mymy to death and she's advice giver person and the only one who really understands certain parts of my relationship but Thaison loves the shit out of her and it's so obvious and it makes me so jealous. =( I'm being so bitter right now, lawl. I think it's only because I'm having the shittiest day ever, but anyways.. Idk, you can just tell Thaison loves her and thinks the world of her. There's no other girl that's better or more special to him than her. He doesn't want nothing more than to make sure she's happy and that they're happy together. The thing is they're not even together, that's the thing that makes me so jealous. They love each other like crazy and they do whatever to make their not-togetherness work. More him than her. I get so jealous cos it's like..he thinks the world of her. He thinks she's fucken amazing (which she is!!). To Thaison, no matter how much of a manslut he may be, no female is better than Mymy. I want that.

For me.. I feel like I get the guys that think I'm "alright." I mean, I'm "cool" and everything but I'm not that great. I'm important, but not that important. I'm special, but not special enough to want to be with only me, whatever together even means. I matter, but not that much. It's like, if I'm not that important, special, great, and nor do I matter all that much what's the point of keeping me around? I guess I just actually want that person in my life, who I share my deepest more intimate moments and emotions with to actually think I'm important, that I matter, that I'm special, and that as boring and moody as I may be, that I'm fucken great. I guess I just want to be able to believe the person that says it to me means it.