I need to do my APUSH study guide. And my components paragraph for English which is gonna take forever. And I need to straighten my hair. I'll be up awhile. Thank God for concealer. <3 My new best friend. Now.. I must get to work.

My ears look crowded.

I can't say how much I appreciate my REAL, TRUE friends. Especially now, after all that's happened. Difficult times make you truly appreciate the people who stick by your side.

Oh Ronnie.. What would I do without you? Never fails to make me stop crying. Never once failed. Ever. I miss you Bff =(

Ronnie: I never saw what was so great about her.
Me: Okay then what's so great about me?
Ronnie: That's not for me to answer.
Me: Exactly. Nothing. You can see what's not great about her then you can do the same for me.
Ronnie: -_-. You're hella real sometimes and a bitch sometimes and that's just awesome unless I'm the one getting bitched at. That's all I can think of right now.

-_______-

I guess that's one of my problems. I'm not the easiest person to have feelings before, or so I've been told. It takes me forever to let someone in and be there for me and for me to trust them 110%. I think I've only done that once before. If you give me any reason to feel like our trust has been broken I gurantee you that it'll be like moving moutains to get me to trust you again. I feel like if you broke me trust once you'll just do it over and over again. It's not like I don't give more chances to make up for the mistake because I do, it's just that I'm completely closing myself off from you. I'm not showing any affection towards you nor am I gonna believe anything loving or nice you have to say to/about me. I'll think it's complete crap. But I'll believe the bad stuff you have to say about me. Cussing me out, calling me names, saying you never cared, yeah it's that stuff I'll believe. I guess I just go into a relationship prepared for being hurt but not letting that idea get to me, but when it does I completely shut down and it takes so much for me to get back to normal. How much I care about that person doesn't change though. I care about them just as much as I did before, and my feelings still continue to grow but I don't let myself believe that I mean as much as the bullshit crap that comes out of your mouth tries to tell me I do. And it seems like right when I start to believe I really do mean something...you go and fuck up all over again. I guess I'll just never get what I deserve. Or maybe this is what I deserve.

Love is NOT laying down with another girl. It is not it is not it fucken is not.

OH. Most exciting thing that happened to me today: got my glasses fixed. They're no longer lopsided. Thank God. It's been like that for seven months. I need to pull off all my acrylics and get them redone before next Saturday. And I wanna redye my hair. I wanna look my best. :)

My legs are killing me. I've been out shopping since 11:00 this morning. I got a grey fuzzy Northface jacket. I was gonna get one of those expensive windbreaker ones but the sleeves were too short. -__- I saw one he would've liked but I'll get it next time. Valentines Day first, lol. Then we went to Ikea. There was this niceass shelf for only $30 my Mom was gonna get for my room but it wasn't gonna fit in the car. It upset me, but I did get little 29 cent glass tea light holders for my candles. =) Oh! And I finally got concealer. It was $26 but well spent because it's the perfect shape. I'll definitely be going back to Sephora when I run out. I wanted to go to MAC to get my Honeyluv lipstick and PenUltimate eye liner but I didn't have enough time. Maybe next time. Then at Target I got an eyeliner sharpener, Blistex, and concealer brush. Although I didn't get along with like...anyone I interacted with today tonight is taco night and I'm gonna go down on like 8 tacos and watch a DVD. I need to do Crowther and APUSH homework too. But whatever. I'll procrastinate as always. My room needs to be cleaned, fast. But that can wait too. I'll be on my extrabest behavior because I really want Mommy to say yes to letting me sleep in Hayward on the 6th. I really want CPK. O___O Okay, that was random. Anywhoo.. Family Guy is on, I guess watch that.

I can't stand living with my Mom and my brother. They make me want to go to sleep and not wake up. I love them, but I can't fucken stand them.

I haven't been this happy with anyone in...ever. It feels nice.

Lmao, I was reading these Friend Quiz questions people answered about me on Facebook. Some of the answers to them were so funny:

Do you think that Rikki Dionisio has ever fooled around at work? Yes
^LOL. SO IS THIS WHAT PEOPLE THINK OF ME?

Thanks for making me such a happy camper! ^_^

"God doesn't give you the people you want, he gives you the people you need. To help you, to hurt you, to leave you, to love you and to make you into the person you were meant to be."

Love that quote soo much.

It's funny when a guy pisses off a girl so bad she just flips the fuck out. Then he tries to tell her to "calm down" or "chill." Do you think we're actually going to listen to you if what you did got us that hot? Lol. It makes me laugh because that's probably the stupiest thing you could have said. It just makes us more mad.

/Just a thought/

I spend my entire day running errands with Mom and sitting in bed redownloadinig all my music. I'd say today was pretty unproductive. I want to make brownies and top em with vanilla ice cream and whipped cream then curl up in bed and watch Six Feet Under. =) Toodloo guys.

I want this soo bad..

I love Vans Low Chukkas! ^.^ One of the few shoes I'll wear.

I REALLY don't want to fucken go to Tahoe Valenties Day weekend...with my family. Number one I hate the snow, number two I hate "family time" because no one ever gets along, third it's not even going to be just family because Tita's gay friend is tagging along IN OUR FUCKEN CABIN, and fourth I'll be PMSing like crazy because I'm supposed to get my period the day we come back from Tahoe...which is the middle of Presidents week off. Which means I can't do shit because I'll be all bloaty and crampy and bloody and irritable. Thanks for ruining my vacation guys, thanks. I almost cried in the car today because I kept telling my Mom how much I don't want to go with them, for so many reasons. Call me ungreatful but I just hate spending time with my family. I begged my Mom to leave me behind and she said "No, they won't let me stay here by yourself that long." I'm capable of taking care of myself.

I hate how they've stolen every holiday away from me this year. I'm spending Valentines Day with them, they're not going to let me spend my 16th birthday in Hayward because it lands on a Saturday and we always do that bullshit family dinner (I say it's my birthday let me choose what I want to do >=O), Christmas we'll be in the Philippines... WTF GUYS. It's not that I don't love my family but we just don't see eye to eye. People don't get that. They're always like "Families fight blah blah." I get that. But why am I gonna try to deny how I feel? Whaffer.. I don't get why Tito Rob goes to USF for five years and spends $150,000+ on his education, gets his own house in SF, a new car, AND gets to go BACK to school to become a fucken nurse and has never had a job in his life. Must be fucken nice. My Grandparents give him money and he gets to go to all these places with his friends. He goes out to dinner, bars, he's gone to SoCal at least four or five times, he went to Vegas. This guy is 26. He needs to get his ass a JOB. Just talking about it makes me resent my family even more but whatever. Nothing changes so there's no point in even stressing over it.

Today I got into argument number 13 with my Mom over my date to prom. I keep joking around with her saying I'm gonna bring all these different people (people she obviously doesn't approve of considering this bitch is straight YELLING at me and threatening to not let me go if I take them) and it makes me think.. Why the fuck is she trippen? It's not HER date so stfu. Just because you don't think our picture would look nice? I didn't know my prom date had to make you happy. I'm fed up with making everyone else happy. I don't give a fuck who she's "letting" me bring. I'm bringing who I want regardless. That's if I even go to prom, which I doubt I am lol. Whatever. I've lived too long making sure everyone's happiness came before mine. Prom is such a little thing, she's so dumb...

"Today I was with my boyfriend and I got my period early. Frustrated, I attempted to find a tampon. Before I even got to my bag, my boyfriend was holding out three tampons and asking me 'Light, regular, or super?' When I asked him why he had those, he said it was because he was preparing for a day when something like this would happen. Not only do I have the best boyfriend/future husband ever, now I have my own personal tampon dispenser. MLIA." That's probably the cutest My Life Is Average I've ever read. I want a boyfriend who'll keep tampons handy whenever I'm around. >=( Haha.

I realized I'm a pretty boring individual. I'm not saying this is any negative way, I just am. I don't think I'm anything special or have any special quality or "thing" about me that makes me any different than anyone else. But that's what makes me me and I'm happy with me. But the fact of the matter is I'm boring. Haha. I don't know how to explain it but I don't think I really have anything interesting about me. I'm weird, idk. Lmao..

Today was cute. Mymy asked Thaison to Sadies and apparently he was so giggly. Then he Tweeted "Got asked to Sadies, KEKE." Oh how adorable. I'm so jealous, haha. I wish I had the ability to make someone that happy. >.<

I haven't had a computer in the longest. My Mom is hella lagging on getting the monitor fixed and I have shitloads of homework I need to do. I'm glad it's Friday. I'm slowly making it through the months. I'm looking forward to something, I just don't know what. But I'm trying to make it to something.

I haven't blogged in days. My life isn't much to talk about at the moment. Perhaps something interesting will happen soon.

There are a lot of reasons why this can't work. But sometimes I forget those reasons. Not because I want to lie to myself but because the good always outweights the bad. I don't forget the bad and it always sits at the back of my mind but there will be no progress in this relationship if I can't let things go. I put myself out there for you, I do it knowing that you've hurt me before and probably will again, and who knows, may eventually truly break my heart. But hopefully this does work and you don't break my heart.




But I'm pro at putting it back together. Super Glue and a hell of a lot of shopping. Taha.

"If the lord take me, don't reincarnate me. I don't wanna come back so please don't make me."

"Too much emotion without no devotion.'

You can love someone and not be right for them, you can love someone and not want to be with them, you can love someone and be incompatible. There are so many reasons a relationship could not work even if the love is there. That's something I've learned through all my experiences with guys. No matter how hard one person works if the other person doesn't want the same there will never be even ground. The hardest part about moving on from that person is that you love them. I'm not taking about the "I love you but I'm not in love with you anymore" or "I love you but I'm just not really feelin it" type thing. I mean the real "I'm still in love with you" type thing. The whole you're still in love and would die for that person but you need to move on because you have to type of thing. I hate having to move on because things just aren't working. If the effort from the person is visible and it's still not working sucks, yes. But I hate moving on because the person isn't working. Strange I know, but it makes me feel like I wasn't even that important. I hate that someone can love someone else but just be lazy as fuck about the relationship. If you knew that we weren't ever gonna be on the same page about what we both wanted I don't know why you even bothered. You could've saved me a lot of heartache jerk.

I don't believe in "going with the flow" bullshit either. Yes, go with it. Don't force anything. But don't be inconsistent. That's what I absolutely hate. I hate that you come in and out of my life at different times and with different amounts of love each time. I'm keeping my emotions to myself until you figure out what you want, or you at least tell me. You can't not talk to me for a week or treat me like I don't exist then come back and "baby this baby that" me for two or three days. It's a vicious cycle and I've let it go on for too long. Tell me what you want and I'll tell you what I want and if we can't reach some type of agreement then there's nothing more that I can do. I can't stay like this forever. If there's no solid future for us in the near future then I gotta do what I gotta do and leave. I don't want to leave, but if that needs to happen I'm not gonna let you continuously hurt my feelings because of your behaviors. No way. My happiness > my feelings for you. I love you. More than anything. I know it's you I want to be with because through all the bullshit we've been through it's still you that holds my everything but I'm taking it back and leaving because you just aren't consistent. You have to either be in my life and stay one thing, whatever it is, or just get the hell out. I don't get how you can say we need to go our separate ways then you still text me. I don't get it. If you want to leave then go. And that means stop talking to me. We were never friends before any of this so I really can't see myself just jumping right into friend mode with you after we separate. Yeah you're the love of my life too but if this is all there is then I feel like I'm just wasting my time. I enjoy spending time with you and I enjoy you as a person but I feel stuck. And if this is all I'm gonna get after all this time then may as well just leave. What would the point be of staying if there's nothing I'm gonna gain in the long run? If I DIDN'T want to be "tied down" I wouldn't fucken be doing this. You look at it as if I'm gonna change or something. I go out, I have fun, that's not gonna change if we're together wtf. YOU'RE the one that's thinking that I'm gonna completely change and try and control you and shit. No, you're gonna do what you want regardless of I have to say. I guess I'd wanna stay single too if I had the one girl who'll do everything for me and I could still fuck with God knows how many other females. I just don't know if I'm willing to put myself through this anymore if there's no future for us in the future.

Good relationships balance over time. This means that at any particular point in time, the relationship may appear quite unbalanced: One partner may be more nurturing; one may be more needy; one may be providing all the financial support, etc. But if both partners are loving, understanding, giving, dedicated and flexible, then the relationship can handle all kinds of ups and downs, and still be strong, exciting and, yes, romantic. The best relationships are well balanced. Not a delicate balance; not a static balance- but a dynamic ever-changing balance.

If we're going our separate ways then let's end this right. No hard feelings, no bitterness, I want to end as amicably as possible. No matter what you've changed my life dramatically and I don't want my last memory of being with you to be a bad one.

“I’m tired of looking out my window seein shadows of you. And I can’t hang out with my girls cos I’m checkin my rearview. You callin, breathin all hard like I can’t hear you. And everytime I hit the club you just happen to be there too. All I ever wanted was to be with you. But when I needed you I had to compete with clubs, drugs, the streets and PS2. You out all night chasin women witcha weakass crew. But I guess when you’re in Rome you do what Romans do but uh, they go home alone just like you, wishin they woulda held on just like you, probably callin playin on phones just like you. I’m so through dealin with niggas just like you cos I done had a few niggas just like you. I had the ballin, type to call like me claim me comin through. I had the CEO that would bring me dough cos he always had somethin to prove. I had the so called “God man” who though he could do everything that God can so he was closer to God than the church man. I had the “meet me at the poetry spot” down to earth man. I had the nigga from the club who was only good for a fuck and I had a street nigga that claimed he was always down on his luck. I had a playa with no goals, no heart, just game. I had the 24 in the studio on his way to fame. I had a control freak who thought he could keep me on a chain and I had a nigga that lied so much I don’t even know his real name. At the end of the night they all made me feel the same. I had a million things to lose and not a damn thing to gain. I told you I need you and you shoulder shrug. I tell you I’m leavin and you call my bluff. I say a million men want me and you say they can have you then. So when you beg me to come back I tell you I got a man who not just my lover but my friend, the closest person to me so I call him my next of kin and I know you think you own this but guess what, he put it in and represented for all men. Even those who act like boys and we still call men and to think you gone fall in feedin me bullshit sprinkled with game on it. But when he hit it, he wrote his name on it. I was committed when he put his brain on it. He and I will parade these streets and I’ll be damned if you rain on it. Look, I know you have your regrets and I’m not gone throw it in ya face cos hell I wish you the best. Him for you, that’s like more for less. And I just can’t do it. You had your chance but you blew it and deep inside I think you knew it was killin me but silly me I couldn’t see the forest for the trees and I didn’t know I was cut so deep until I began to bleed. I guess they left out all the snakes in the story of the birds and the bees. So you can cry me a river, nigga cry me a sea. But that’s the last time I love a nigga that ain’t got no love for me.”

How much could I really mean to you? Yeah, figured not too much..

I've got a shitload of studying to do for finals. I'm praying to God I do decent on my chem test tomorrow then the final on Friday.

Nope. I lied. I hate my hair again. -_-

The world is a really, really small place. Too many people are connected. Freaks me out. I'm about to hop on annotating the "nigger" story for english. I'm feelin my hair right now. ;) Maybe it's all the product she put in it that made it hella soft and easy to manage but it's lookin pretty cute. Haha. My Mom pissed me off so I overhauled on cleaning my room. Now all I have left to do is dust, organize and put everything away. Just in time for Bffl to come over. I can't wait to see her! I can't get the puff right on my hair. It's hella flat. -_- Idk what to do with my hair right now. I think it's just all the product that's in it is what is making it hella annoying. I'm finally getting my money back from MAC. By tomorrow evening I'll have the $30 back in my account. Ugh, I lost my train of thought. I think that's a sign that I should go back to annotating my homework. Salmon for dinner + Season 1 of 6 Feet Under. =)

I hate when my iPod stays playing love songs and cupcakin music when I'm HELLA not in the mood to hear how great everyone's relationships are so fucken great. Always plays these songs at the worst times. Fuck.

I didn't even do one problem right on the 26 point Mac quiz today. Ugh, -_- I just... I give up in Mac. I try but I just suck. At least this is the hardest part of the year and it's almost ever. So I was looking at USC thinking I'd do a junior college for two years then transfer and I keep going back to my plan. USF/Sam Merritt then when I graduate move to SoCal and get my MD in nursing at UCLA. I'm so excited for myself, haha. Today was pretty boring.. I've had this migraine for about 6 days straight. It never goes away. It just gets a little elss worse but then comes back a few hours later. And the pain behind my eye too. Ugh. Tonight I think I'm just gonna lay in bed and watch tv. Yahhnoe, now that I've turned it on for the first time in months I forgot how great it was. Right now I'm redownloading all the music I have on my iPhone. -_____- Since I crashed my computer I can't sync anything so... Ugh. This week went by pretty fast though. I liked. Asia is pressuring me into going to prom. Ew, haha. At least for PHHS. I'm going to Mt. Eden's prom but then I don't like anyone at Piedmont and everyone is already hella shorter than me. Me in heels would just be tragic. Maybe if I find a tall enough date between then and now I'll go. But I doubt it. All I honestly want is a picture.

Woah, got super side tracked. I guess I'm done for now.

Ha, you fucken funny.

I have two tests tomorrow, err, a test and a quiz. Hopefully I do okay on my math test because I have a C and I intend to keep it that way. I am pretty happy with myself right now. Okay. Not happy quite yet but I'm definitely on my way to being happy with everything. Hopefully... Haha. I always tell myself that but something always gets me down. I'm looking at the SJCC spring classes. Hopefully I can take a class or two during spring and a couple over the summer and hopefully get a job. I'm so excited for myself. The classes at Mission aren't very broad. I mean I took one class but that's because it was the only good one they offered. I wanna take global studies or international relations at SJCC. Buuut.. we'll see. I'm scared for the Crowther final. I looked at the sample multiple choice he posted online and it scares me. Lol. Well whatever. All I can do is my best.

I guess I'm going with Cameron and Justin tomorrow Downtown? I guess that Stephanie girl is asking Justin to some dance and we have to bring him down there and distract him? Idk. There's food involved so I guess I'll go. Me and Mymy were talking about it. Birth control has made us fat. -_- Our stomachs got so big. Ughh. It just won't go away either! Oh! Cussing out Aleksis was so funny today. During class and no one even noticed since we had freetime. Mymy was slamming on her desk laughing and Peter and Nick were staring hella confused. I heard Peter go "Is she yelling at me?! She said dirty penis!" HAHA. Oh Teter. She was tearing up, so funny. Did I get an apology? Nair. -_- Lol. Whaffer. Hair appointment on Sunday at 10am! Finally, getting it relaxed and trimmed. I wish I could actually do something to my hair or cut it a certain style but since it's curly and all I do is staighten it with a straightener I can't. The red is fading but I don't think I wanna redye it right away cos it might completely kill my hair and I'll go bald, haha. I'm in a sucky mood right now. Thanks to you. But whatever.. I need to call my card company and ask them why I still haven't been reimbursed my $29.49.

Who doesn't love text messages like those? From anyone!

Ugh. So I failed this dumbass romanticism (I can't even spell it. That should already be a sign I failed) shit for english and my grade went down 2%. I still kick myself in the ass for sending myself the wrong assignment hella weeks ago and making my grade drop 7% because I couldn't turn it in late. Hella fucked up my grade but what can you do? It went from a B+ to a C. Oh how depressing. Then I brought it up with getting a B on the essay but since I failed this test it went from a C+ to a C. Ugh. I need to raise it 2% for a C+ or 4% for a B-. Then I'm borderlining in chem right now. I really don't want anything lower than a C for the semester. =( When we started doing moles it just went downhill from there. I really, really, really don't get balancing equations. But I'm just trying to keep my head up and pass with whatever I can get busting my ass these next few days. I've never been so determined to accomplish anything in my life. There's nothing I can really do to raise my grades all that much for this semester, but next semester I'm gonna stay so focused and so determined to get the best grades I can. I'm really happy with myself right now, haha. That sounded kinda stupid but seriously, if no one else is happy with me and my school shit fuck yooou. No one ever took an interest in my school unless it was when I had me 3.96 GPA or I skipped a grade. Now that I'm actually not doing as good as all the other asian kids in my school it's like no one has any faith in me getting into USF or Sam Merritt. Hell, I'm starting to lose faith in myself but I can't. I have to be my biggest support to make it through all of this. I've been getting the worst stress migraines ever. It's unbearable. And that stabbing pain I get behind my eye has gotten worse and comes more often. I really hope it'll pass once I'm not as stressed. I don't really think I show I'm stressed. I mean I stay pretty chill through whatever so it just kinda sits inside of me doing nothing. My Mom won't buy anymore NyQuil because no one needs it. I can't use it to sleep anymore. =( I have to remind myself to breathe sometimes. I may not be moving but my mind is still on twelve different things. I'm always on the go trying to make sure everything and everyone is taken care of that I have to take a minute to just sit down and breathe. I need a hug. Just a "Hey, you're okay" kinda hug. =/ *Sighh. I need to lay down. My mind is everywhere, as usual.

It sucks you live twenty minutes away. It's heartbreaking not being so spend every other day with you. But we manage, or at least I do. I see you when I do and as often as I can without getting into trouble. It's not easy being the one that has to go out there all the time, I think you understand that, but right now it is what it is. It's only temporary that it's like this. The only reason is neither of us can drive (legally, lol). But the distance isn't something that's an issue for me that is a "make or break" thing since I've always had long distance relationships. It's just something I'm used to but it doesn't mean I like it. I hate it, but I'm not willing to stop trying to make it work and give up what I have with you just because we don't get to see each other everyday. I miss you like crazy but what are we gonna do? It's just a matter of time before we can start seeing each other more often. It kills me not being able to spend time with you whenever I feel like it or being able to be like "Oh let's go watch a movie" but I make due. I'd much rather have it this way than not having it at all. But whenever I do see you it's really the best feeling ever. I still cherish the time we spend together arguing because to me it's still time spent together. It's still time that we're together before I have to leave. I hate leaving, but then I look forward to being able to see you again, not the days seperating it. This distance is a temporary state, a reeeal love is always worth the wait! Such a great song, plus it was free on itunes. Hahaha.

Sometimes I feel like "okay" is the only emotion I'm ever gonna feel. I don't want to be sad so I just say I feel "okay," but when am I gonna actually be "happy?" It's not that my life sucks or anything (I guess, LOL) but things just aren't where they're supposed to be right now and it's been like that for years. I try not to let anything bother me so I just say I'm "okay." Maybe things are constantly bothering me so I just settle with "okay, this is how I've alway been and always felt so this must be how I'm supposed to feel." I just can't wait to live on my own and be in control of myself. I hate having to live under someone and have to do what they want, when they want, how they want. It's like I do everything to make everyone else happy and they constantly cause this stress in my life. I don't even know what I'm saying anymore, my head is killing me. I guess all I'm saying is I forgot what it feels like to be happy, right where I wanna be. I know I'll get that feeling soon enough. It's just not here right now for a lot of reasons. But it'll come back around. I knoow it.

I'm really stressed out right now. I just wanna lay and bed and cuddle and vent. Aggh. So everyone and their moms failed the 3B test. -_- I got a B- on the children's book. =( So my grade went down 2%. But I'm not really trippen because the final is coming up and I know I'm gonna pass with at least a B. My grade in psych went up cos I got a 96% on the chapter 11 test! I know my GPA this semester is gonna suck so I've kinda just given up. My grades don't equal my intelligence. My plan is apply to SFSU, USF, Sam Merritt and USD. But if I don't get into USF I'm most likely going to do junior college for two years then transfer to a UC and do some type of higher level medical profession. But we'll see how that all works out. I know when I see Bffl we're just gonna eat. I need to celebrate the new year, new semester and finals being over. Hopefully this weekend I can get my hair done. It's been herra long since the last time I got it relaxed. Plus I need to trim it since the split ends and shit. *Sighh. Just gotta make it through finals week. That's all I'm telling myself.

THI GAVE ME THE CUTEST PRESENT TODAY. I LOVE YOU BFF! Iou soo much. I love the present.

Going back to school wasn't as bad as I thought. I woke up on time and I wasn't even all that tired. IT FELT SO GOOD SEEING MY BOYS AGAIN. Apparently, I need to have more girl friends according to Justin. "Why do you want to be around this sausage fest?" "Obviously you need some type of vagina in this circle, may as well be someone you all like." Hahah. I'm giving up bacon from now on! It's decided. I never liked pork anything to begin with so may as well. The McDonalds has successfully clogged my arteries in addition to arresting my ability to think. Time for a nap I say.

I'm not sure how much more of this I can take. We'll see.

I don't understand why people text me and then don't text me back when I reply... I find that guys do this A LOT.
"Hey"
"Heey, whsup. What're you doing?"
*five hours later, still no reply. LOL.

Or fucken Ronnie Noel texting me back fucken two days later with an answer to what I had said before.
"Figure it out."
*two days later
"How?"
"How what?"
"How do I figure it out?" -__-

Shit right now I'm so happy and I don't know why.

These moodswings are so strange. O__O

Omg chicken katsu with katsu sauce and sriracha is like a party in your mouth. I haven't had L&L since I stole Bffl's food at Ronnie's house when we were all watching Paranormal Activity. Hey Bffl, remember when Jimmy kept touching my leg and you yelled at him? HAHA. I ran errands with Mom and Dyl at Target. I wanted to use my gift card but I ended up not. Then Trader Joe's! I finally got my Luna bars. I still have a shitload of homework to do. I'm soo not looking forward to school tomorrow. I have to take my chem test on balancing equations..which I don't know how to do. Still. At least half the year is over and the semester ends in like two weeks. I'm looking forward to a new semester. Our grades are wiped clean and I'm so fucken determined to bring my grades up the new semester. The red in my hair is fading.. I need to get relaxed again and a trim cos my split ends are atrocious. =( I might not re-dye it since relaxing it again is probably gonna kill it even more. And I need to get my eyebrows threaded badly.

Ugh, I hate how I spend money whenever I get upset. It's either cry and be sad in bed or spend money. I mean, I have other outlets but since I'm really in no mood right now considering I'm stressed the fuck out and I have so much on my mind I'm spending money. It's not a lot.. Just $30 on MAC stuff. I'm finally getting the lipstick I wanted! I didn't know whether or not I wanted to get mascara or liner so I just got eye liner instead. I'll get mascara once I have more money on my card. I love coupon codes. Now my shipping is free. =) I was debating on whether or not I wanted to buy new underwear since all of mine have gone missing somewhere. But I guess I'll order some next time. It's so scary pressing "submit final order." It's like the moment of truth, no turning back. Haha.

I fucken hate you for this. I hate you for it every time you do it. I wonder if you even know you do it to me. You always say shit that comes the fuck out of left field and it trips me out because I don't fucken know if you mean it or not. 90% of the time I don't say shit I don't mean even if I'm arguing with you or you've made me mad. I still think about the shit I say because I don't want you taking it the wrong way or thinking I mean something I don't. But the fucken shit you say drives me insane because it could mean so many fucken things. I love how you never answer me about it either. You know how much you impact me with the littlest shit you do. But I don't think you realize how badly the shit you say hurt my feelings. If you don't answer me about it then I'm not gonna fucken keep nagging you about it. If it's done then it's done. If you don't wanna talk about it then fine. You obviously just don't understand OR give a shit. You know I'm always honest with you and I'm always solid with you but sometimes you just act hella outtapocket. Sometimes I feel like there's something more to what you're tryna say to me and it fucken drives me insane.. To the point where I just can't take it.

I kinda regret buying that tank top and sweater on Pac Sun now because I don't have enough money on my card to order that now. =( I'm gonna go put more money in my account tomorrow but omg I've wanted this bag for the longest. It makes me so sad because I want it right now, lol. Hopefully by the end of this week I can order. I'm paying extra shipping just so I can get it fast. I guess I'll just order my wallet and Bffl's make up for now. Sigh. I need a job. I'd run over a bunny for that bag. But that's okay because bunnies scare the shit out of me.

I need to crash my computer. You don't understand how sad I am about that. I'm gonna lose everything, number one. And my Mom is gonna be all pissy that we need to crash it in the first place. Viruses infected the shit out of my computer and nothing stays up longer than ten minutes. Luckily today was okay because Justin and I were pretty productive at the library. I got three essays done so I'm 5/6(7). I doubt that I'll be able to get my psych one done because I don't have the book we needed. I HELLA needed that extra credit but whatever. All in all my break was good. Although the first week was kinda sucky it ended up turning around. I got to see my Bffl! Even though it was only once it was better than nothing. I got to spend time with the people I needed to most. My card came in the mail today. My pin number is so easy. I couldn't think of anything else, lol. I just thought.. if I crash my computer will I need to restart my iphone all over again too? =( That means all my songs will be erased and I'll have to redownload everything. Agh such a pain. I'm feeling pretty productive today. I'm determined to finish english and math or at least some math. I'm not looking forward to school one bit. Well.. back to work I go.

I had no intention of staying awake for the new year to come, lol. I was laying in bed listening to my iPod then all of a sudden my phone rings. I got the cutest most "awww" phone call. =) Thank you for starting off my year right for me. Don't know what I did to deserve you! I just went downstairs to say happy new year to everyone then I just went back to sleep. I got like, twelve million text messages though. -_- I finally just had to put my phone on vibe and hope I didn't miss anything important, lol.

Woke up, picked up the cheesecake, had family lunch, now I'm looking at stuff online. I've spent most of my day with Baby Miggs. I swear he keeps me so happy whenever my family gets together and there's the underlying tension between everyone. Tomorrow me and Justin are going on a library date to finish up all of our english. I guess I won't get my psych extra credit paper done. I didn't even buy the book for it. -_- It's english, then math, then psych in order of priority.

Sighhh, today's just been pretty plain.. I hope 2010 brings good things and shits on 09 cos 09 was pretty good. I guess I'll go play with Miggsy now that he's awake.