In 2010 I lost friends, became lactose intolerant, and got a pet turtle.
2010, more or less, has been a damn good year.

COULD I ASK FOR A BETTER MANSY?! I REALLY FUCKEN COULDN'T. =) I LOVE THIS GUY. Every time I'm sad or mad or whatever, he's always there to make me feel better. He's really made such a huge change for me and us lately I really couldn't ask for anything else. (I hate how he's right a good amount of the time, luls) We always have a good ass time together and I always have to ruin it. But, he's always asking me what's wrong and wants me to tell him how I feel and he never did that stuff before. He was so true when he said I always want more and more. I have to learn and accept that the things I want will come in time.. <3 *sighhh. Luhh jooo.

Awee.. I'm like, really super super super super sad he's not coming out here. I got all dressed up and ready and everything and I was hella looking forward to spending my last day of break with him but it didn't exactly work out like that.. I'm hella bummed.. I guess I'll just go to work in a little and pick up my check then just eat and watch movies. I'm hella sad. =(

So I'm ordering Dominos and watching a movie. I guess I'll swing by and get my check in a little then deposit it so I can go shopping online tomorrow after work. I wish I didn't get ready cos I feel like a dumbass. The only reason I'm not crying already is cos I don't want my make up to get messed up - not like I'm going out though.

Idk why I even bother with you.

Gotta love my mansy though. ^_^

Leave it to Nick to ruin my night and make me cry. What's new? Fuck you. I do this shit every single day.

Why periods suck:

1.) You have no idea when it’s gonna fucking strike. You could wake up with the red sea in your panties. Or have a spot going on at school.
2.) IT RUINS YOUR PRETTY PANTIES.
3.) Pads and tampons aren’t things I really wanna wear.
4.) Taking a shit is disgusting.
5.) CRAMPS HURT LIKE A MOTHER FUCKER.
6.) I get moody.
7.) I hate sneezing on my period.
8.) I hate going pee because blood is everywhere.
9.) It smells hella gross.
10.) It is the longest  seven  five days of my life.
11.) It’s when you’re most horny.

Hella want this brush set from Sephora! =( Herra cheap too though..

Day 2: Relationships

(Herrra days later, I know..)


I've lost most of my relationships this year. I thought I had the best friends and the world's best dude but that's definitely not how things worked out. I thought I made friends that were down but I guess not. And as far as romantic relationships go.. let's just say never again.

I WANT SOMETHIN SOLID OR NOTHING AT ALL...

My grandparent's leave tomorrow. =( I'm hecka sad. Idk what I'm gonna do with myself if I don't see my grandpa everyday. That sounds so pathetic but I love my fucken Papa, lol. He's not gonna be here for his birthday. Smh. And staying in there house is gonna make it even sadder for me cos I'm around all their stuff and they're not here. =/ Anyways, I'm trying to enjoy my last few days of break before school starts again. It was nice to just lounge around the house, go out occasionally, and not have much responsbility. It was relaxing. Christmas shopping with JR I think was the only time I even went out over break.. Err, no. I went to Fairfield too, lol... I'm supposed to go out with Emilio over break but he won't decide where! You'd think gays would always have something planned. I really wanna buy the 88 Piece Palette on Costal Scents. It's herrrra cheap! I really want Combo Set #5 cos it has 4 palettes for $70. Mac's quads don't even come that cheap. I think I'm gonna get it Friday night or some time this weekend. I really want my stippling brush and lip brush from Sigma, which is a must. I really need my brow pencil and all my liners from MAC but ughh, make up is so expensive. I need new jeans too cos mine are hella baggy for some reason. 2 of my Cheap Mondays are so tight they won't even zip. THAT'S SAD. I need to lose weight as soon as the new year starts.

Speaking of the new year, I need some change. I'm looking forward to moving to Sf but really anxious and sscared and nervous at the same time. I know staying in SJ won't make me happy or help me move forward and grow up, but it's still scary to leave my comfort zone. I really need to change myself in regards to relationships. Even though Nick and I didn't last I still need to learn to act right for the next guy that comes along. My standards are definitely gonna be more affirmed when the next guy comes along. I always wanted the guy who'd treat me like a lady, and I had that until Nick.. I felt like he was a cool ass friend but when it came to satisfying my requirements of being a gentleman.... not so much. Didn't mean I didn't love him, he was just different than any guy I thought I'd end up with. Now that things are over, err whatever they are, I need to pay attention to myself. I'm doing things to distract myself from how bummed I am. And that sucks when you don't have friends, especially your best friend, to go out with or that even knows you exist. One thing I've learned from losing all my friends and Nick is that you can't depend on anyone to do anything for you. Eventually everyone is gonna screw you over and end up leaving.

We just want two different things, Nick. That's driving a huge wedge between us. So finally it's goodbye for good and it tears me to pieces inside.. But we gotta do what we gotta do..

I've lost my best friend. Idk what happened. It went from talking for hours everyday to maybe once a week. Idk what to do so I guess I'll just let it go. I am ALWAYS the one chasing after people and I'm done with that bullshit.

I always think I can get people to change for me by changing myself. No, it shouldn't be like that. If someone is gonna change it shouldn't all be on me. How is that THEM changing? Sometimes I really don't know if it's worth it man..

With my Christmas money, it is time to splurge! Whee!

I looooved work today! It was pretty fucken busy till the night time. My first day working 12-9, it wasn't too bad. I was bar most of the day which was cool. Junard got me a jewelry box for Christmas. <3 He's so sweet! I love him so much. My package of stuff I got myself came. I'm quite happy with my purchases! Oh, me and Hans got into it today. So funny. We made up though. Love my Hansy Horse! Oh. He told me Eric likes me. x__x Weird.. He says I'm pretty and shit, which is flattering, but weird.. I guess I'm just not used to being liked and told these things, lol. Awe, JR hella made me smile today.. I was on my 10 and I was sitting and I guess I looked sad or whatever and he was all "You deserve better. It really hurts to see you like this." I was all AWEEEEE. Hans said kinda the same thing to me earlier too. "Eric is a gentleman. He'll treat you like a woman." I really don't wanna fuck with anyone after Nick. I'll just do me till I get to Sf and see all the puuurtty boys at SFSU. Uuuuhgh! Haha. I hate when me and Nick and he says he's gonna leave and I get all crazy and possessive begging him to stay.. I think I just get scared of being left, when yeah it sucks, but it ain't my fault. His loss. I love that guy to death but I can't even tell him how I feel without it being a bigass thing sooo.. Idk what tomorrow is gonna bring but idk how much I care. I'm running errands, then getting a pedicure and eating sushi, JR's treat. =)

Sighhh.. Just when I think things are okay, you let me down. I guess I expect too much.

I wish I could have given my honey everything he wanted this Christmas but sadly I'm not a millionaire. He did get pretty good presents from me though. =) I love giving!

Gotta love my hubby.

=)


But I really miss having a boyfriend.

After two years I'd like someone to love me, care about me, and treat me good. I don't have the energy to fight like this anymore. I guess I did what I could and it wasn't enough. Oh well.. Maybe someone else will finally treat me right.




I wonder, if I never started talking to Ronnie, if I'd still have the one person that loved me more than anything. But the past is in the past..

Even though I didn't get any presents this year, I hope everyone liked mine.

I hope my Mom liked her Coach wallet and wiper blades.
I hope my brother liked his Kinect, Toy Story game, and Game Stop giftcard.
I hope my grandparents liked the ham.
I hope my Tito liked the sweater.
I hope Miggsy liked his truck/blocks toy.
I hope Nick liked his Air Maxs, white/red 13s, Cool Grey 11s, thermal, jeans, cologne, button down shirt, and Warrior tickets.
I hope my Cho liked her HK snuggie +slippers.
I hope Nugget (will like) his shirt.
I hope Ate Cyn likes her silly bandz and lotion.
I hope Ate Rhenell likes her scarf and mittens.

2010 Reflection Challenge

Day 1: A few things you will never forget in 2010.
Day 2: Relationship(s).
Day 3: The best day.
Day 4: The worst day.
Day 5: The most memorable moment.
Day 6: Your best friend(s).
Day 7: Your birthday.
Day 8: The funnest getaway.
Day 9: The end of last school year/the beginning of this one.
Day 10: New Year resolutions.

Day 1:
Crying all day on my birthday, Tahoe w/ my family (even though it sucked, I guess that's why it was memorable), getting my first job and lovin it, all the days I spent with my hubs, July 4th with my Bffl, Prom 2010, the day I realized I completely lost my "friends". I guess you could say 2010 wasn't all that.

If I could've gotten anything this Christmas, it would've
been this ring. I wish I had the money to buy it myself
but sadly I don't. (It's the same freakin price as the Uggs
I wanted and the ring is fucken from Tiffany & Co!!)
It's soooo precious. I want it so bad.

It's hard to wanna do this sometimes. I get all sad and upset because, like always, I feel the person I've given everything to just won't ever shape up. Everytime I catch you doing stuff behind my back it gets harder and harder to trust you, to love you, and to even wanna keep doing this. I can't keep letting things slide like this. I'll be honest, I didn't even wanna let you keep the 13s or give you money for the 11s because I don't wanna give you things you want and that make you happy when you're doing all this shit behind my back and when I find out I'm heartbroken and upset. You get you fucken panties in a twist when I tell you I don't trust you but so you don't realize you bring all of this upon yourself? I wanna trust you and I wanna be happy but it's hard when you play me like a fucken fool. Telling girls they're your wifey and they've given you the best sex and how you miss cuddling with them and you want them to come over at 11:45 at night. Reading that shit makes me wanna vomit and I'm seriously heartbroken. I can't keep letting you do me like that to me and pretend like I'm okay with it. I'm not. I'm not okay with it. It's hard to always put stuff behind me when you're gonna do it to mw again, especially when you say you're gonna stop but I catch you again. I always catch you, and after two years of someone constantly doing this to you and convincing you they're gonna stop when they won't.. It makes you lose faith in the whole thing. It's hard not to resent someone who does these things to you. I've done all I can think of to get you to stop and just wanna be with me but it doesn't work. Maybe because I'm not good enough or whatever, but I can't get you to quit. It sucks because it makes me feel like there's something wrong with me, like I'm not pretty enough or I'm not good at this or at that. Well damn, I'm sorry then. Maybe if I can't make you feel like I'm wifey or I'm good or sex or whatever other superficial stupid shit I'm so terrible at then leave. I'm tired of always feeling like I'm second best. How is this ever gonna work if you always break my trust and you're always doing something with God knows how many other girls? I can't take it anymore. I hate feeling fucken stupid.

My holidays always seem to suck, thanks to my Mom. She really doesn't understand that she can be really mean, selfish, and mean. But of course, it's always Rikki's fault. Christmas ruined? Check.

"Your parents went out for a vacation, and you’re all alone. The sunset slowly disappears as I approach your house. You walk out of your door, wearing those sexy shorts I love, that tank top that shows your cleavage, I get a little turned on just by looking at you. You grab me by the hand, and lead me to your living room. We played a movie, cuddled, exchanged kisses, and held each other tight to kill time. And one point during the movie, we kissed passionately for about 10minutes. I felt your hand feeling my torso and leaving little scratch marks to represent how bad you wanted me. I was just about to unbutton your bra, until you shut off the DVD player and tv. Without paying attention to what’s behind you, I sweep you off your feet and carry you. “Babe, what’re you doing?” You already knew the answer once I stared at you.

I carried you to your room, gently setting you on top of your bed, while I look into your eyes. It stayed like that for a while, because looking into your eyes were like looking at a crystal ball. I know what to do. I start biting/sucking on your lips, tasting/playing with your tongue, till you stop and say “Come get me.” I continue kissing you, as I unhook your bra. Begin to remove your top. Kiss you on your neck because I know how much it turns you on. Then to your breast, super soft but your nipples weren’t. I start licking them as you let out little moans. Your shorts are still on, but without hesitation, I ripped them off. I couldn’t love you slowly, I wanted you that bad that it had to be done asap. I kiss under your bellybutton, till I reach your clit. That’s when shit starts to get intense. You like the way I tease you, but it’s too much for you to handle that you’re grabbing and pulling my hair like you’re fighting some girl. I finger you while eating you out, because I know how much you enjoy that. Your moans get louder and louder, but all of a sudden.. you stopped. You looked at me and said, “Now it’s my turn babe.”

My shirt, belt, and pants came off like the sound of a heartbeat. The only thing that was left was my boxers. Removing my clothing, and kissing me in certain places made me hard. You grabbed my dick out of the whole in the middle of my boxers. You start licking. My moans were soft, but when you started stroking it and sucking it up and down, it amazed me how you could change my volume soo quick. I need to get in you."



OH MY GAWD. The best thing I've read in so long. If this doesn't get you wet, I really don't what to tell you.

B managed to get Air Maxs, 13s, AND 11s from me in literally a matter of a week. -__- That spoiled punk, haha.

I had the best time ever with my hubbs, his Mom, and Darryl. The food was great and Christmas shopping was successful (although we had a little spats). I couldn't ASK FOR A BETTER MAN. <3 He takes good care of me (most of the time, lolol). He's, and we've, got a long way to go before anything is consistently good but he's so good to me, more or less. LOL. I wonder if that's what things are gonna be like if we lived together. OHH LAWD. HAHA. Now I know how involved he could be in a videogame. I literally sat there for almost three hours and went through sooo many magazines, haha. But it was fun. I'm at work so I'll blog more later about my lovely day later. =) I luhhhs my tutttle.

I'm watching True Life and this guy is crying like a douche about his girlfriend and it's fucken annoying. I really hope that's not what I sound like when I cry...but I have a feeling it is. I've been up since like the asscrack of dawn without a damn thing to do. I'm waiting for Ma and Pa to get done with work so I can go Christmas shopping with Ma. I hope we go to like Eastridge or Valley Fair because I need to get more concealer cos these eyebags are nooo bueno. My package is gonna be here on Christmas Eve, yippie! K, I'm done now cos I'm bored.

If my hubbs ever sees this...

for Christmas I'd like "Please Me" lipstick from MAC and red TOMS in a size 7. And my favorite candy. >=)



But I know he can't afford it, but his company is worth 10x more. <3

To my babe, baby, hubbs, monster, etc,

if I could spend every day (more or less, lol) of the rest of my life with you, I'd be a happy camper. I loves you!

It's almost Christmas break!

Then just five more months until I graduate and move to the City...where all the pretty boys are! ^_^

If a girl understands your bullshit, sticks through your mistakes, smiles even when you've done nothing for her, its obvious she's a keeper. But it's also obvious you don't deserve her.

AHHHH! I wanna do this. Right now. (I wish I had boob, lmao.)

I had the time of my life yesterday. I honestly can't ask for a better man in my life, boyfriend or not. <3 He's the sweetest thing ever and he cares about me so much. It's hard for me to see that sometimes, or most of the time, but he just blew me away yesterday. We got along so well and I was lovin every minute of it. He took good care of me and he was soooo affectionate. Ugh, I was eating that shit up. I'm such a douche, haha. We have definitely come a hell of a long way and I'm so proud of us. We do have a long way to go before anything is consistent, but now more than ever I've wanted to make things work between us. He's the fucken best best best! Seriously! I can't even explain in words how much I had fun with him yesterday from watching Spongebob in bed to cleaning up his nosebleed to him smothering me with druken slobbery hugs in the kitchen. I fucken love him, =) It was so nice to sleep with him even if he was drunk. I woke up cos I couldn't breathe, lolol, and his arms were around me. It was so nice to wake up 17 times in a night and see his face and put my arms around him. It was the best feeling in the world. I love him.

Beyond stressed out

It's the week before finals and I'm stressed like you have no idea. I have no joke, as ASS LOAD of things to do (mainly for bio) and I just wanna throw in the towel and say "fuck it", but I won't let myself. I have three labs due tomorrow that I have to copy all three of them tomorrow (FML). Then this weekend I'll see my babes, which is gonna be a total stress reliever. But then the next day I have wokr from 11am-8pm, then after an exhausting day of work I have to study my ass off for finals +do 5 chapters worth of objectives. Ugh.

I'm suuuuuriously the most luckiest girl in the whole wide world. Idk what I did to deserve such a funderful man. =) After all this time things are finally looking up.

Dear God, if you love me, please don't let me get my rag till Sunday.

This Christmas I,

wanna exchange presents with my babe, go ice skating at Union Square than munch at the Burger Bar.

I'm mortified that my bubbs is moving to Fairfield in just days. We barely get to see each other because I'm always working and he only lives 20 minutes away and now he's moving almost two hours away just worries the shit out of me. I'm so worried he'll just forget all about me and move on to someone else. I hate being so dependent on him coming out to see me because I feel bad he has to waste all that time and gas just for me, but I know he does it because he cares. It's just so hard that he's gonna be even farther away.. Then just like 6 months later I'll be moving to the City. BUT, I mapquested San Francisco to Fairfield and it's about 50 minutes away. That's reasonable! I'm just worried things won't work out and we've really come this far.. But I'm just being a worry-wart.