My grandparent's leave tomorrow. =( I'm hecka sad. Idk what I'm gonna do with myself if I don't see my grandpa everyday. That sounds so pathetic but I love my fucken Papa, lol. He's not gonna be here for his birthday. Smh. And staying in there house is gonna make it even sadder for me cos I'm around all their stuff and they're not here. =/ Anyways, I'm trying to enjoy my last few days of break before school starts again. It was nice to just lounge around the house, go out occasionally, and not have much responsbility. It was relaxing. Christmas shopping with JR I think was the only time I even went out over break.. Err, no. I went to Fairfield too, lol... I'm supposed to go out with Emilio over break but he won't decide where! You'd think gays would always have something planned. I really wanna buy the 88 Piece Palette on Costal Scents. It's herrrra cheap! I really want Combo Set #5 cos it has 4 palettes for $70. Mac's quads don't even come that cheap. I think I'm gonna get it Friday night or some time this weekend. I really want my stippling brush and lip brush from Sigma, which is a must. I really need my brow pencil and all my liners from MAC but ughh, make up is so expensive. I need new jeans too cos mine are hella baggy for some reason. 2 of my Cheap Mondays are so tight they won't even zip. THAT'S SAD. I need to lose weight as soon as the new year starts.

Speaking of the new year, I need some change. I'm looking forward to moving to Sf but really anxious and sscared and nervous at the same time. I know staying in SJ won't make me happy or help me move forward and grow up, but it's still scary to leave my comfort zone. I really need to change myself in regards to relationships. Even though Nick and I didn't last I still need to learn to act right for the next guy that comes along. My standards are definitely gonna be more affirmed when the next guy comes along. I always wanted the guy who'd treat me like a lady, and I had that until Nick.. I felt like he was a cool ass friend but when it came to satisfying my requirements of being a gentleman.... not so much. Didn't mean I didn't love him, he was just different than any guy I thought I'd end up with. Now that things are over, err whatever they are, I need to pay attention to myself. I'm doing things to distract myself from how bummed I am. And that sucks when you don't have friends, especially your best friend, to go out with or that even knows you exist. One thing I've learned from losing all my friends and Nick is that you can't depend on anyone to do anything for you. Eventually everyone is gonna screw you over and end up leaving.