I guess that's one of my problems. I'm not the easiest person to have feelings before, or so I've been told. It takes me forever to let someone in and be there for me and for me to trust them 110%. I think I've only done that once before. If you give me any reason to feel like our trust has been broken I gurantee you that it'll be like moving moutains to get me to trust you again. I feel like if you broke me trust once you'll just do it over and over again. It's not like I don't give more chances to make up for the mistake because I do, it's just that I'm completely closing myself off from you. I'm not showing any affection towards you nor am I gonna believe anything loving or nice you have to say to/about me. I'll think it's complete crap. But I'll believe the bad stuff you have to say about me. Cussing me out, calling me names, saying you never cared, yeah it's that stuff I'll believe. I guess I just go into a relationship prepared for being hurt but not letting that idea get to me, but when it does I completely shut down and it takes so much for me to get back to normal. How much I care about that person doesn't change though. I care about them just as much as I did before, and my feelings still continue to grow but I don't let myself believe that I mean as much as the bullshit crap that comes out of your mouth tries to tell me I do. And it seems like right when I start to believe I really do mean something...you go and fuck up all over again. I guess I'll just never get what I deserve. Or maybe this is what I deserve.