I'm honestly caught between loving you and leaving you. It's probably the hardest decision I've had to make in my life so far. I love you with all my heart. I'd take a bullet for you and you know that. But I'm not getting the things I want and need, and that's what's making me so unhappy. Yeah of course you make me happy but you're not acting the way I need you to I guess. I don't wanna change you, I just want you to become a better person. It really bothers me that you can't even do little things for me. I wish you'd open doors for me, I wish you'd listen to me when I had a bad day and just let me complain (and actually care I had a bad day), I wish you'd try and cheer me up when I'm sad or upset. I wanna be able to call you or text you with whatever is on my mind or whatever I feel like saying whenever without you being like "Wtf?" I can do that with everyone else, but not you.. It's weird because you're one of the most important people in my life and I should be able to do all that stuff with you but I just can't. I wish I could just be open and myself with you but I feel like you look down on me when I try to be. With you, I feel like I have to be somebody. It's like who I am isn't good enough. I wanna be able to be mature, childish, fun, an retard, angry, stupid, irritating, lovable, annoying, a pain in the ass, and everything else I can be and you'll look at me and love me all the same. I hate that when we're mad we resort to saying these low blow kinda things that we really don't mean.. Or at least that I don't mean. I don't hate you. But there are times that I do think you're selfish and inconsiderate. You just don't understand and it sucks.. I feel stuck. I wanna know that I'm appreciated too. I want you to really show me that what I do for you, you recognize. I bend over backwards for you. I put your needs in front of mine. I make sure you're taken care of. When you need something you know for a fact I'll get it done for you. I don't think I ask for much in return. I don't expect these expensive presents or fancy dinners or any of that. A card, some flowers, food, SOMETHING that shows me that you're aware of the things I do for you. Take me somewhere that I wanna go. I don't even bother explaining this shit to you because 1) it'll be a waste of my time and breath because you won't even do it or you'll just get mad at me for bringing it up and 2) I'll just be disappointed because I already know you won't do it. I don't expect you to do anything for me because you've already shown me you won't do it for me and I'm not worth doing it for. If you really wanted to show me I was appreciated you would've shown me. If you think about it you're aware that you need to show me that you appreciate me but the fact that you don't follow through with it confirms the fact that I wasn't worth the time of doing so. You really could give a fuck and that sucks because I'm stupid enough to continue you giving you as much as I can. Anyways.. this is making me sad. I guess I'll just end it here.