I woke up and the first thing I did was start crying. I'm so fucken sad and unhappy. I don't know how much longer I can do this with you. I wanna be happy with the way our situation is but deep down inside I can't, and I hate it. The thing is you make me ridiculously happy and you really have come a long way over the past year but it's so bittersweet. If one day I just can't take it anymore it'll be so much harder to leave because you did make such an effort for me. If you had just stayed the same way you used to be it'd be easier. I don't wanna leave. I'd lose so much if I didn't have you anymore. I can't even begin to think of how much it'd hurt to not have you in my life anymore but I'm hurting now too and I don't know what to do. I have to face the fact that we have no future. I don't know what the hell you were talking about saying "let's look forward to our future" because as long as we're not together and as long as you don't want be to ever be your girlfriend we have NO future. All we have is this same repetitive cycle. I can't sweep it under the rug and pretend that it's something that doesn't really bother me because it does. I'll pretend it's all okay until one day I just boil over and it all comes back out again but I'm sick of doing that. I don't want this to end over something like this. But at the same time I just don't know how much longer I can do this. This situation is really ideal for you. You get money, clothes, sex, shoes, love, etc whenever you want from me. I feel used. You like the attention you get. Not once have you said one thing you like about ME. If the next bitch had my money or more and wanted the same exact situation and type of relationship you wanted you dip on me with a quickness. I feel like some fucken side thing where you can get all the perks of a relationship without being in one while you go do what you do and you don't gotta deal with none the problems of a relationship because you'll pull the "why you trippen we ain't even together" card on me like you always do. I was fine not knowing when you were gonna ask and just kinda going with it, but I'm not okay knowing you're never gonna ask and that I'll never be more than what I am now and that we have no future. Face it. There is absolutely no future if we continue with whatever the hell we're doing. All I want is a little more security. A little more safety, a lot less uncertainty. I can't ever know anything is forsure with you. You be doing shit and asking/saying shit to me that you don't mean. I mean this in the romantic/relationship way. You don't say let's look forward to our future then tell me I'm never gonna be your girlfriend. You must be kidding me. I'm not dumb. There is no future. Why the fuck ask me if I really wanted to be with you forever if you don't even wanna be with me period? Whenever shit gets complicated all you wanna do is just cut out and not deal with it. So why am I trying to be with a guy who doesn't care what the fuck happens with us? This whole situation we have just feels like a bunch of lies, uncertainty, and inconsistency. And the pathetic thing is I wouldn't trade it for the world.. all because you're in it.